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Thinking about the future

(8 Posts)
Questionsaboutthings Tue 22-Nov-16 20:09:40

I'm 30 years old and have a lovely four year old from what was an unplanned pregnancy. I do adore my son but because of the circumstances and maybe my own immaturity and mental health issues, it has been a difficult few years and in some ways I feel a bit ambivalent about being a mother. I realise now I had so much growing up to do myself and just wish things had been different, but I think I'm kind of getting there now and it's all starting to look more positive.

Anyway I'm not with my son's father anymore and I'm just wondering about the future in terms of relationships. Most of the people around my age will probably be looking to get married and have children of their own but I'm not convinced I'd ever want to have another one or that I'd really cope that well with it all again.

Is it possible that I'll change my mind? I really feel happy with just one but I'd hate to disappoint a future partner especially as anyone I'm with would obviously have to be the type to like children. I just wonder who I'd really be compatible with. My last relationship (son's father) was an older man who was so set in his ways and stifling, I'm not sure I want to go down that road again. No idea what the future will hold obviously but it feels as if I'm in an awkward demographic iyswim as I don't want more children. I'm pretty happy with being single anyway so not sure why I'm overthinking this so much but I wanted to ask, anyone been in a similar position?

Questionsaboutthings Tue 22-Nov-16 20:18:21

Bit worried I sound terribly cold about my son. I love him hugely and really don't think he'd ever have the impression I'm anything other than thrilled about him, which I'm not. Just struggle with aspects of motherhood and now that I'm starting to see the woods for the trees and take stock I can't see myself doing it again.

The other thing that I meant to add in my post was that my experience with son's dad have made me frankly utterly depressed about the thought of having a baby with someone again. It changed things between us so much and basically seemed to become purely platonic after we had our son. It's supposedly always difficult when you have young children but there was just no going back for us and I really fear that happening again with someone I love.

Questionsaboutthings Wed 23-Nov-16 05:49:07


Questionsaboutthings Wed 23-Nov-16 16:52:31

Oh well then grin

SuperFlyHigh Wed 23-Nov-16 16:54:35

Not me not in this situation. But just meet a man who's happy to take on your own kid but doesn't want his own.

Plenty like that around. Maybe specify via dating agency/site.

donajimena Wed 23-Nov-16 16:56:09

There are plenty of people your age and older who don't want to add to their fold.
You are overthinking it! I totally get where you are coming from now that I can see the wood for the trees.
Just be dead clear if you meet anyone that you don't want any more

Questionsaboutthings Wed 23-Nov-16 17:21:54

Thank you, you're right. I'll just see what happens. Feels as if I'm in a dating no man's land due to being relatively young, having a child and not wanting more but hopefully I'll meet the right person eventually.

pinkglittergirl Wed 23-Nov-16 17:33:57

I'm 32, with 3 children. I met a man who has his own young child. Neither of us want any more children. It's perfect. He lives around the corner too grin.
I worried about it too, thinking it would be impossible, too much baggage, too many problems etc.
I went on 2 dates with 2 different guys before him. He was my 3rd time lucky!
Good luck!

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