Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

struggling single mum 😕 verses facebook

(54 Posts)
CakeLover0 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:00:42

Is deleting facebook the answer. I try not to compare myself to others. I question if subconsciously I do and it's because of facebook. Is it making things worse for me.

Joysmum Mon 21-Nov-16 16:04:59

It's up to you how you use Facebook and who you are friends with on Facebook.

I don't have any drama llamas as friends and nobody that conducts their life on Facebook because I'm careful who I add and what I post.

If doing a friends cull isn't possible for you, or Facebook brings more negatives than positives on balance then either delete or take a complete break and come back to it next year.

TheNaze73 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:17:42

I think it all depends. If there is anyone boiling your piss you can always unfollow, without deleting the whole of FB.

anxiousnow Mon 21-Nov-16 16:21:54

What is it that is making you feel bad? It is relationships/money/holidays? Certain people? Remember although there are many happy families who share photos with friends family, there are also a lot of fakers who post no reality to their real day to day.

CakeLover0 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:29:22

Thankyou all.
I don't have a close family and I am a single parent struggling to become a nurse. My every day is exhausting emotionaly and mentally. I don't go out. I don't date. I don't have the money anyway.
I don't have any real friends. Long story but lost friends when I was married. Divorced 6 years and life has been busy. Dated in between for a year so single 2 years.
Everyone is planning Christmas events and I guess I feel lonely.
I also can't delete my ex. It's like Facebook is my only connection to him and to having friends but they're not real friends are they?

FortyFacedFuckers Mon 21-Nov-16 16:34:12

Sound like you would be better off without Facebook OP.

ocelot7 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:37:34

You can block annoying friends from yr newsfeed so you don't have to see what they're posting [for me it was her dog's 'thoughts'] without the potential embarrassment of unfriending them.

InTheseFlipFlops Mon 21-Nov-16 16:46:19

I came off Facebook a few years ago. It was too hard for a number of reasons
Girls night out
Date night
House buying / moving
Going to lovely places
All those stupid memes about families.
I'm not generally a jealous person, I love the simple life and hate the consumption of 'stuff'. But it made me feel shit as I don't have anyone to go on girls night, I have no childcare, I have no money for a house. It made me feel like a shit mum for not doing enough. It reinforced everything I worry about

Coming off it has been great for my mental health, the world is face book orientated though so people assume your there, like schools and businesses. I'm also amazed at how little I hear from anyone now. I guess it has driven home the lack of friends further.

everythingis Mon 21-Nov-16 16:47:05

Yes, deleting fb is the answer. I did it 3.5 years ago and never missed it. It made me feel worthless and I don't think I am. Yanbu

Sillysusie63 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:51:29

Delete. It's complete waste of time and energy. What you don't see doesn't hurt you!

Joysmum Mon 21-Nov-16 16:55:15

Given your response, I think you'd be best off deleting too flowers

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 21-Nov-16 16:59:00

Cake It sounds like you have a bad case of Facebook- itis and you should have a break from it.

The lives presented on Facebook are glossy highlights, edited to present a perfect image to the outside world. They don't tell you they've had diarrhoea, a blazing row with their husband and the children are squabbling so much they want to throttle them, they just post a smiley family picture of them at a park or something. Usually with the #making memories..

For what it's worth, you have my utmost respect for coping as a single mum and studying nursing to better yourself.
You will make real friends in time through playschool/ school and work. flowers
Comparing yourself to others will not make you happy.

Good luck with your nursing course. Use the time you would be on FB to do something nice for yourself instead smile.

CakeLover0 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:43:35

Thankyou everyone smile
Wow! I feel better already. I think I need to come off it. How silly that I feel anxious about it. Like I'm isolating myself. I thought it was the only thing that stopped me feeling lonely but maybe the one thing that makes me feel more lonely.
Thankyou for your kind words in wishing me well smile

Lostandlonely1979 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:46:13

I came off it a while ago and was worrying about stopping liking people's inane bollocks posts ('Will they notice and think I don't like them any more?') and wondering whether to do a dramatic exit post ('Bye FB, I need to be with the real world etc. etc.') but in the end I just bit it and quit it.

And fuck me if it wasn't the most liberating thing I've done in months. Possibly years.

And yes, you sound amazing! Far too amazing to be wasting any more time on Farcebook.

CakeLover0 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:57:24

Aw wow! Thankyou.
These posts are encouraging. I'm home now and plucking up the courage to deactivate smile I'm worrying too people might question me. Think I'm strange. I guess I'm also thinking will they even notice haha! Oh dear how has facebook done this to me! I don't think I will say bye bye facebook either.

Lostandlonely1979 Mon 21-Nov-16 18:01:44

The people who will notice will be:

a) people who love and care about you, to whom you could send a quick message saying you're taking a bit of time away from social media and they can still text or call you.
b) people with waaaaaaaaaaaaa<breath>aaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands.

Ulysses Mon 21-Nov-16 18:10:10

I came off at a year ago and I don't miss it one bit. My account is actually active but I changed the password to something random so can't get back into it.

I do miss the interaction with my 'proper' friends but the people from school or work colleagues from 10 years ago not so much. Saying that even a lot of the posts from friends just worked me up in some way and collectively they all seemed to be doing stuff - Disney holidays, girly weekends, super expensive present from their smitten spouses...

It does suit my temperament not to have that kind of exposure.

bibbitybobbityyhat Mon 21-Nov-16 18:13:08

I'm obviously doing Facebook wrong! I spend about 10 minutes per day looking at it and have only got into one argument in 8 years.

I don't find it anywhere near as addictive/rage-inducing as Mumsnet! grin.

I'm not a jealous or insecure person, I suppose that helps.

Lostandlonely1979 Mon 21-Nov-16 18:16:46

It's not about jealousy or insecurity. It's hard to see other people's lives ticking along (seemingly) beautifully when you feel like your life is crashing to pieces around you. It's just hard.

CakeLover0 Mon 21-Nov-16 19:20:51

I question my insecurities and yes I'm jealous that I don't have what they appear to have.
Not delusional though. I know it's not all REAL! It just highlights what I don't have and would like.

Angleshades Mon 21-Nov-16 19:23:29

I'm thinking of coming off Facebook too. I always feel worse when I've been on Facebook so I tend not to go on too often anyway.

A couple of years back I felt the pressure around Christmas time to write a festive post. I wrote 'little un tucked up in bed, mince pies baked and now sat chilling with a glass of baileys'.

The truth was 'little un is refusing to sleep and is running around the house like a terror, I didn't get time to bake the effing mince pies and the baileys has curdled in the bottle which is under the sink'.

Why did I write such crap??? Why??? hmm. Anyway since then I've come clean to a few people and it's given us a right laugh. Bloody Facebook.

wtffgs Mon 21-Nov-16 19:33:09

I came off a couple of weeks ago - life is a bit like trudging through treacle right now. I know a lot of it's fake but it can't all be - happy families, perfect homes, fabulous careers (boasty teachers I'm looking at you)

WamBamThankYouMaam Mon 21-Nov-16 19:35:50

You have to try and remember that generally people post the edited highlights of their life on social media. Not the stresses and the lows.

PenguinsandPebbles Mon 21-Nov-16 19:37:00

You will actually find out who your true friends are by deleting the awfulness that is Facebook, people who really cared noticed (or knew I was going to break away) everyone else must have thought I blocked them because I was annoyed or didn't notice

Of course it isn't the reality of people's lives and it says more about me than them but it was killing me seeing pictures of babies (7 miscarriages) and bloody awful memes about being grateful for things, look at what my hubby wubby has brought me, me and my pet rock in three thousand poses and the latest pyramid scheme! But mostly it was like a smack in the face of how isolated I felt and highlighted all the things i desperately wanted and couldn't have still might not be able to have. it's not about being jealous it's about feeling isolated and alone sometimes.

Of course nobody is as happy as they say on FB or miserable for that matter I even had some real "woe is me, I broke a nail types"

My theory was, this is making me feel more miserable why am i putting myself through it smile do I deleted it and felt much much better

I'm now addicted to Pinterest

coffeetasteslikeshit Mon 21-Nov-16 19:42:21

When I've been on holiday and posted all the photos on FB, I get back and my friends say, wow, looks like you had a great time! And I say, come round for a coffee and I'll tell you what it was really like!

Honestly, it really is fake book. I find it hilarious sometimes.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now