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Should I ask him out?

(160 Posts)
SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 14:53:10

I really, really like a guy. We've known each other about a year now, both were in other relationships to begin with so initially nothing more than friends. Both now single.
We work together, see a fair bit of each other out of work & text lots too.
He's a good friend, we mess about & have such a laugh. There's definite flirting too, but I keep doubting myself and convincing myself I'm reading too much into it.
My last LTR was EA and has left me with little self confidence and although I have improved a lot I still find it difficult to actually believe it when someone shows an interest. I'm driving myself a bit insane with the does he/doesn't he like me thing!

A little while ago he tried to steer the conversation that way but like a fool I just laughed it off, mainly as it was a bit out of the blue but mostly because I thought he was joking around until I thought about it later blush needless to say he's not broached the subject since.

Now I don't know what to do! I can't casually ask him for drinks or a meal etc as we already do this. HELP!

OohhThatsMe Mon 21-Nov-16 14:55:17

Do you go out with him just on your own, or as part of a group? Does he call you?

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Mon 21-Nov-16 14:57:08

Ask him out - life is too short not to.

SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 15:17:11

Sometimes with a group of work friends, sometimes just us. Or I'll go to his for the evening or vice versa.
He calls me from time to time, not loads but if he's got something funny to share he does.

SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 15:20:44

I'm just so worried that I've read it all wrong and that I'll ruin our friendship by making it awkward!

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 21-Nov-16 15:24:10

If you go to his for the evening sometimes, can you not just up the physical contact a little? Touch his arm, hug him a little longer when you leave. If it's nothing, he will signal that. If it's something... well he won't.

SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 15:59:03

He's pretty touchy-feely already and I'm generally not so much, so I guess that would be a start. I'll have to get over being so damn self-conscious of every little touch though!

TheNaze73 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:18:44

Just ask him.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

BoxingHelena Mon 21-Nov-16 16:49:36

next time he cooks you dinner turn up with a bottle of tequila

TheNaze73 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:03:26


What a tremendous suggestion smile

milkshakeandmonstermunch Mon 21-Nov-16 17:05:33

It kinda sounds like you're already dating! Bite the bullet.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 21-Nov-16 17:09:37

He touches you a lot, has dropped hints and you hang out all the time...

No moves are without risk but this one sounds pretty safe. He risked something so I think it's only fair. Also I've been married a while and want to live through this vicariously.

Is he nice? And hot?

SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 22:01:24

Yes... he's nice, actually he's more than nice, he's lovely. And so much fun. And thoughtful about little things. I could go on & on...

And yes, very very hot! grin

I'll stop gushing now blush

So how the hell do I actually do this??? I'm totally out of practice!

SomeoneShakeMe Mon 21-Nov-16 22:04:23

I do rather like the turning up with a bottle of something strong though!

Borisrules Mon 21-Nov-16 22:07:58

I asked someone out once...... he's now snoring away next to me! Do it!
The one thing I would tell my younger self is to have more confidence and to have asked more men out. I only got asked out by the weirdos ....

LifeLong13 Mon 21-Nov-16 22:36:44

Hey MrHotGuyAtWork I was thinking maybe we could go for dinner one night? I've really enjoyed spending time with you and would like to get to know you some more?

MrHotGuyAtWork I know you've tried asking before but I was being silly & doubting myself. Shall we go out for a drink?

Go for it!

LifeLong13 Mon 21-Nov-16 22:37:39

MrHotGuyAtWork I'm so glad you've never sent me a dick pic and I really like this about you. How about we go on a date? grinwink

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 21-Nov-16 22:42:40

MrHotGuyAtWork what's that on your face <lean in> oh a bit of fluff <brushes it off>

Have I been watching too many RomComs?

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 21-Nov-16 22:44:18

I write as someone who almost dislocated her neck flicking her hair around before current DH was told by his friend, "dude, she likes you, you gonna kiss her?".

SomeoneShakeMe Tue 22-Nov-16 09:34:45

I suppose I could ask him when we're going to go on a proper date rather than just out...

That would mean getting my nerves in check though!!!

A whole family of butterflies seem to have taken up residence in my stomach.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Tue 22-Nov-16 10:09:00

I remember a teacher telling us about when he was young they used have a competition/bet, to see how many women they could get turned down by on one night out...he said he used to ask every woman who was out of his league out, and said that he pulled some really beautiful women because of the fact he had just asked.

He said it did wonders for his confidence (didn't mind getting turned down)

So see the positive in it, even if he says no your confidence at most will take a knock, but if you are truly mates you will stay mates and it will make you stronger in the long term.

SomeoneShakeMe Tue 22-Nov-16 10:39:37

If you don't ask you don't get, right?

Tbh, I actually think it'd be OK between us even if he said no, he's a lovely decent guy & I reckon he'd hate me to feel awkward.

At work now desperately trying not to keep looking at him blush

user1474320794 Tue 22-Nov-16 10:54:58

It sounds as though he's most probably feeling the same way as you smile

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Tue 22-Nov-16 10:58:29

Send him an email and watch his reaction

Dozer Tue 22-Nov-16 11:02:15

How long have you each been single?

Are you at the same level at work?
What's your employer's policy on co-workers dating?

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