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Job and Relationship where am I going wrong? - long post alert!

(5 Posts)
user1479737233 Mon 21-Nov-16 14:26:22

I am suffering from the back to wok blues massively today, I have just had a week off to go on holiday, overall this holiday was OK but it was not as good as expected due to delayed flights and cancellation of some trips out by the tour company. Therefore I had far too much time on my own which I hate.

Anyway its back to work tomorrow I am 8 months into a new role, and I still don’t think its for me. For what I do I am very well paid, close to £30K, 30 days annual leave plus bank holidays and incredible flexible working, the only thing is I don’t like the job, it’s not quit the job which was advertised and involves a large element I am hugely uncomfortable with which was not mentioned in the job spec or at interview. I like a behind the scenes role, but this involves lots of meetings which as a very anxious person who lacks confidence I hate. Also at times the work is really busy and other times there is not enough for me to do and my boss is just so hard to speak to, it is like getting blood from a stone. I crave stability and routine due to mental issues I have and I hate the uncertainty of the role. I also feel my boss underestimates what I can do. If I stay with the company after 2 years I can apply for other roles within the company and some of them are fantastic, but whether my boss would back me for them who knows.

I was in my last job for almost 10 years, I knew the job inside out, I was very well respected by the managers at the highest level and was a go to person, my new role I feel like I am not being stretched and the work in comparison to what was advertised is dull and mundane. I left my last job because there were no progression options which there will be if I can stick it out for 2 years in my new role.

I also feel like as a 33 year old I have failed, I have a small group of friends, but we don’t see each other often as they all have families, I don’t infact I have never had a relationship, I have been on lots of first dates but they just don’t progress, I find it hard to read people and just don’t realise when people are showing an interest.

I also feel my friends have found there passion and I see people making a good living from there interests be it teaching yoga, nutrition or massage therapy. I just don’t have the skills to follow my passion I love yoga and food too but I am not at a level of doing things professionally. I wish I could find a job which I love which will pay the mortgage etc.
I just feel life is passing me by and I do not know what to do, I desperately want a job I love and a family with children none of which I have at 33 I feel its too late, who is going to look at a 33 year old who has never had a relationship.

I try an meet people by going to more events, festivals etc pushing myself out there more, 2016 was meant to be the year, new job trying new things, I even braved a boudoir shoot. But as another year passes by I find myself in a job I don’t like, compared with one I loved on reflection and still single. I just don’t know what to do sometimes. These glossy magazines and you tubers showing the good life are just so unfair.

Sn0tnose Mon 21-Nov-16 15:06:33

You've got some thinking to do.

Re work, I think you need to assess your priorities. Where do you want to be in five years time? Is it in one of these new positions? If so, can you talk to your boss about it, or even the head of that department, and see if they operate a shadowing scheme so you could shadow someone in that team and see if the job really is all it's cracked up to be? There's no point sticking it out in a sole destroying job if it's not going to lead to something you love. Alternatively, could you stay where you are and do evening classes to get your skills to a level where you are good enough to make a living at it?

Re your relationships, the first thing you absolutely must do is to stop comparing your life to what you see on social media and magazines. It's all fantasy and fairy dust. And it might not be fair that you don't live in a mansion with Prince Charming, but that's life, so you're going to have to suck it up, stop thinking about it and concentrate on making your life what you want it to be. You still have many, many years to achieve everything you want to.

I'm so sorry if I've sounded harsh in some parts, but you sound a little like you're floundering and need some firm direction.

Sn0tnose Mon 21-Nov-16 15:07:46

I meant soul destroying. I'm sure your soles are fine!

user1479305498 Mon 21-Nov-16 16:31:04

Hey, if you worry about being single, read a few more threads on here! That should make you feel better. Im sorry if the being single is maybe more of an issue because you want a family etc (I dont know that but you may) then I think many of us can sympathise with that but believe me there are plentyof iffy relationships out there that you arent seeing , even amongst ones that look great to you. It isnt a panacae for life for many. Strangely I had a job like yours too at one point, very well paid but extremely unsatisfying. I gave it 15 months and moved on for less money but a more involving role.

user1479737233 Mon 21-Nov-16 17:31:16

Thanks, I just can't help worrying, regarding relationships I just feel they are passing me by and I don't know why, I think I am going to die a lonely cat lady sometimes. I know not every relationship is perfect but i would love someone to love me and for me to love.

Job wise I just could not do the things I love to the level needed to be pro. My current job is just so unfulfilling, I am not being stretched. The bizarre thing is to get the job I had to demonstrate leadership and innovation which I did in the previous role and now I find myself booking meetings, printing stuff out and the odd power point for around £5k a year more than I was on previously. The thing is it s a role I can't demonstrate my key skills in so I don't know how I can get promoted if i can't demonstrate them. I have to be in the role for 2 years from appointment before I can look to move internally, there are some genuinely exciting roles, but its hard to see how I can demonstrate the skills to do these other jobs as the internal recruitment process does not take into account stuff done outside even though I have had major achievements in my last role of almost 10 years!

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