I am stuck in a loveless marriage with several young children. For various reasons I have been unable to leave (finances mainly). I have recently fallen into a relationship of sorts with a man I have known for about 6 months. He's a "nice" chap, but clearly ok with cheating on his wife. However, he maintains that he loves her, would never leave her etc. We are in contact frequently each day via text and meet up for trysts when we can. He is pretty emotionless towards me, however. As in, I can say how much I'm looking forward to seeing him and he will reply with a comment about the weather. I suppose in my head I always imagined an affair to be some great romance, but it really isn't. I felt unwanted and unloved in my marriage and now I feel the same with the OM. The only difference being, when it suits him and when he wants me, he is lovely to me and makes me feel special and this seems to make up for all the heartache. Clearly it doesn't. It's a bloody awful situation, I feel like shit in so many ways and have already tried to break it off with him once, but needless to say he won me round. My brain can't even countenance what this would do to his poor wife (or my useless husband for that matter) as I'm just so wrapped up in my own misery that I can't think much beyond that at present. Which is why I'm posting, I guess. I need a kick up the backside, or something to shake me to my senses. I'm so miserable but have no-one to turn to irl.
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