DH and I have been together for 13 years and have two DCs under six. He's from the UK, I'm Australian. We live abroad in a third country, equidistant from UK and Australia.
PILs and I used to be on very friendly terms - emails, the odd chat if I picked up DH's phone etc. Since DCs were born relations have gradually gone downhill and now we barely speak.
Living abroad hasn't helped, although we see them a lot. One year we spent 10 weeks with them altogether (we're teachers, so long holidays + an extended visit here). I don't see my family a fraction of this.
The last time we saw them (a few weeks in the summer) they spent the whole time looking stoney faced, and I noticed they would avoid me wherever possible. DH was also included in the snubbing but it wasn't as bad. I asked DH to speak to them but he said he took the "let's ignore their bad behaviour" approach. It was bloody miserable.
Outside of holidays I never hear from them and they only really email DH to ask about Skyping the children. When I email I get a sentence-long reply.
I suspect all this is down to the fact we moved abroad, and probably also because we're moving to Australia in a few months. I think they're upset and blaming me for taking their only grandchildren even further away.
They've overstepped boundaries in the past which has deepened the divide - once I went to Australia to see my family for the first time in two years, and they said (in a one-sentence email) they'd come too. I was very upset and we asked them not to come, but they did anyway. That didn't go down well on either side and the holiday was very intense and pressured.
They're not the best at communicating which is half the problem, and we often hear things through other relatives that I think are meant to be a way of testing the waters. For instance, I heard (through my endlessly sympathetic SIL) that they are planning to spend six months of the year with us every year when we move to Australia... at least we know and are forewarned I suppose! (don't worry - over my dead body etc).
I know this makes them sound dreadful but they're actually really nice, just desperate to see their grandchildren. I feel really sorry for them and hate the ill-feeling. I encourage Skypes and remind DH to email them pics and updates on a weekly basis. I'm wondering if I should do anything else, or if I should just leave it to DH?
Sorry this is so long. It's really hard to convey all the nuances of a complicated relationship in a few paragraphs!
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Relationships
How to improve relationship with ILs?
MyLovelyBuffalo · 20/11/2016 22:39
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