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He only loves one child and not the other

(87 Posts)
messydesk Sun 20-Nov-16 16:11:59

I've been seeing a guy for about 5 months and when we met, he told me he had 2 children, I have none but it's not a problem for me. I know he spends a lot of time with the older child, who is 5 but he never mentioned the younger child, it was almost like they didn't exist!

It seems like we may be making some headway into a serious relationship as I met the older child in an informal setting, at my dp's request and we had a nice time at a soft play place so I suggested maybe next time he should bring them both.

He told me that he doesn't have anything to do with the younger child as the mother had that child to try and make him stay with her. These two children have the same mother!

I'm looking at him in a totally different light and this is making me seriously rethink our relationship as I don't understand how he can cut off the younger child for something that isn't their fault. I'm disappointed in him but don't know if I should make it my business. What are you guys thoughts?

Floggingmolly Sun 20-Nov-16 16:13:18

He sounds revolting.

Microwaste Sun 20-Nov-16 16:13:40

I couldn't get involved with someone who could treat their own child so cruelly.

stitchglitched Sun 20-Nov-16 16:14:07

My thought is that he's an arsehole and I wouldn't be taking the relationship any further. How hurtful and damaging to both children to be treated like that.

Dozer Sun 20-Nov-16 16:14:09

Run for the hills. He's clearly a shit parent, and therefore not someone you want to have a relationship or DC with.

ThatStewie Sun 20-Nov-16 16:14:28

He's an abusive asshole. Walk away.

Justneedaname Sun 20-Nov-16 16:14:46

I think your instincts are absolutely right and you should ditch this heartless awful excuse of a man

Costacoffeeplease Sun 20-Nov-16 16:15:03

Dickhead - run

Simonneilsbeard Sun 20-Nov-16 16:15:26

Dump him. He's awful.

Dozer Sun 20-Nov-16 16:15:59

I have a friend whose dad left her mum when she was under a year old, her siblings are five+ years older. He made far more of an effort with them than her, e.g.forgetting her birthday but not theirs, taking them out more. She went NC with him in her late teens over it, and it caused problems in her relationships with her siblings too. Utter arsehole.

Fairylea Sun 20-Nov-16 16:16:38

Absolute shitbag. Dump and run!

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Sun 20-Nov-16 16:17:01

Steer well clear

He punishes his child when he is angry with his ex?
He continues to do so years later?
He doesn't have the empathy or compassion to think about how his younger child feels watching their older sibling go meet Daddy whilst they are ignored?

What a horrible, cruel, spiteful man.

Definitely not somebody you want to be in a relationship with.

Cherrysoup Sun 20-Nov-16 16:18:33

He's a twat. Why are you with him?

EweAreHere Sun 20-Nov-16 16:18:39

Wow. What an revolting excuse for a man.

And you're seriously wondering if this is the kind of person you'd like to have in your life?!?!

DonaldStott Sun 20-Nov-16 16:23:26

Yuck. What a vile human being. Trust your instincts and drop him like a hot potato. That poor poor child.

messydesk Sun 20-Nov-16 16:25:12

I know you are all right, I'm actually gobsmacked. How can that arrangement work for the mother? It didn't sit right with me since he told me last weekend, I've felt weird about him since then.

Msqueen33 Sun 20-Nov-16 16:25:15

That's awful! Really awful but you know that. The child never asked to be born. I'd be tempted to tell him I was leaving based solely on him not bothering with his other child.

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 16:27:19

may I be the first to say - what cuntish behaviour.
Run like the wind, my lovely, run like the wind.

Chipscheesentomatosauce Sun 20-Nov-16 16:28:20

What a horrible man: He must be all sorts of emotionally screwed up. How is it even possible for him to not feel anything for that child?

gamerchick Sun 20-Nov-16 16:30:18

I would run but not before telling him exactly why. Poor kids going to suffer as the years pass, you don't want to witness that.

messydesk Sun 20-Nov-16 16:30:56

There are so many questions I want to ask him regarding the whole scenario but I cannot imagine any extenuating circumstances where this would be acceptable at all.

ddrmum Sun 20-Nov-16 16:34:06

You are right to feel weird & question his behaviour. It's not the child's fault & will have serious ramifications if this behaviour continues. He's not a good person, he is not a good dad, he is not a good partner.
My friend has 2 DC & treats them both the same. The younger child is the product of a ONS which ended his marriage, but as he says, not the childs fault. Run as fast as you can.

stitchglitched Sun 20-Nov-16 16:37:09

Yes please do tell him exactly why you are dumping him. I think too often new partners turn a blind eye to, and even support, men who treat their kids badly, don't pay support etc. The fact that he told you so openly suggests he doesn't see it as a source of shame or even consider that you would have a problem with it. Please prove him wrong.

TheGirlWithAPrince Sun 20-Nov-16 16:45:36

That actually makes me really sad :'( how is that child going to feel when he grows up and realises his daddy doesnt love him but loves his sibling, Poor child and what a heartless man to make a innocent child suffer.

expatinscotland Sun 20-Nov-16 16:46:09

You're single and have no children. Why saddle yourself with a man who's got baggage like that? Run for the hills.

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