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Gave my brother money to buy drugs

(31 Posts)
Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:35:16

I'm aware this sounds awful but I can't bare to see him withdrawing and hate him having to go out and shoplift.
My brother is 27 had a normal life married had a daughter his partner cheated on him and got pregnant by one of his close friends and he became really depressed and turned to drugs and eventually heroin.
He came around yesterday evening and we had dinner together and I let him have my sofa and a blanket.
BTW I'm heavily pregnant 40 weeks infact, he started to withdraw this morning and I can't bare seeing him coughing runny eyes and nose going hot and cold diarrhoea the whole works. I went to the bank and took a tenner out he has now gone across town to get some heroin and said he will be back after. He was arrested not long ago and didn't get sentenced as it minor offences such as stealing meat from supermarkets but if he gets arrested again he will be sentenced. I normally tell him no but the thought of him being in prison scares me and especially when my baby is due.
To me my brother is still my brother he is loving and caring and will do anything for anyone. I'm sat here crying now I feel awful I could potentially have helped him to his death bed! Sat by the window waiting for him to come back sad

Nanny0gg Sun 20-Nov-16 13:37:38

So, don't do it again.

Can you get him to the doctor?

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:41:20

Oh I won't I just have a feeling tomorrow will be the same. We have done this whole going to the doctor thing before and they can't do anything they just send us to this recovery place. Where the talk to you and arrange appointments for next time and discuss why you want to give up drugs and your future plans blardy blah! There seems to be no actual help out there

PoldarksBreeches Sun 20-Nov-16 13:49:59

Well what kind of help do you think he needs? He has to engage with recovery - that is the help. He won't get methadone straight off, he will have to be assessed and show he is committed.
I understand why you did it but you are enabling him. He has to engage with recovery services.

Darthvadersmuuuum Sun 20-Nov-16 13:50:06

Does he want to give up drugs? Seeing him withdraw must be awful and I truly sympathise with you both but giving him money to score keeps him trapped in the hell that is addiction.

abbsisspartacus Sun 20-Nov-16 13:53:25

Don't let him stay tonight he will be the same in the morning think of your baby maybe tell him you have no place for a drug addict in your life? Harsh I know but I've no idea what else to suggest flowers

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:54:41

He said he would like to go into rehab but me or my family don't have them kind of funds and not sure how possible it is with the NHS. Yes he wants to give up he says he's sick of getting up everyday and being sick and having to shoplift just to feel normal. Constantly tells me how depressed he is and how worthless he feels which is heartbreaking.

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:57:40

I want him to stay though at least I know he is fed and clean and safe with me. He isn't like how you expect a drug user to be he is clean will tidy up for me before I wake up take my dog out he's really useful he just has this shitty habit he can't kick.

IminaPickle Sun 20-Nov-16 13:58:02

There is help, there really is. But without being judgemental, because it's the whole point of addiction, unless he wants to give up, the help might as well not be there.
Are you in London OP? If so pm me- there are funded rehab places available. If not know that there is other help available throughout the country.

serene12 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:59:07

I know how hard this must be for you, as I have a son who used to abuse drugs, but you need to look after yourself. I started going to Families Anonymous meetings where I get fantastic support, they also have a forum and you can order litrature. You are enabling your brother by buying him drugs, he needs to hit rock bottom and face the consequences of his poor choices. There is help out there if the addict chooses to go and get help, even if he receives a prison sentence, at least he'll be warm and fed and will have a chance to detox, as well as getting help for his addiction.
Sorry to sound harsh, but tough love works. Good luck with the baby

MrsHam13 Sun 20-Nov-16 13:59:09

Sorry but if it were my brother id be locking him in a room whilst he withdrew if I had to . It's short term pain for long term gain. He needs to withdraw at some point. He's not properly enjoying his life and the only chance he has of getting a normal life back is to withdraw and get clean. You need to stop enabling him by giving him money.

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:03:32

I'm really sorry you are experiencing this and I can understand your reasoning, you've given him money, which is a simple act, because it is the only thing you can control and have a choice in, when we have a relative with an addiction we've virtually lost all the control we have .

I'm sorry to say, but no good will come of this because he will simply come back for more money. His priority is the heroin and that's where his loyalty lies, I've seen cases where family homes have been robbed and emptied by family members simply to get the cash to buy more gear. Cases where addicts have sold their bodies for money, he is a slave and will resort to anything to get the cash and it will never even be enough cash, he'll need more. It literally destroys lives and families are tore apart. Everyone has a breaking point and a tolerance level and addicts behaviour pushes us to our maximum, sometimes for our own sanity we just need to say enough is enough, its absolutely heart breaking and soul destroying, but there is no other option. Only your brother can seek the help he needs.

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:04:55

I'm not in London unfortunately we are in the West Midlands. He wants the help but the problem we have is the days in between the appointments as they are usually two weeks apart and you have to attend a few of these until they put you on methadone. We usually last about two appointments then I won't see him again for over a month so we've never even made it to methadone. Its easy to say you would lock him in a bedroom but really you can't he could become really sick and die.

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:07:57

Yup I've watched a lot of documentaries on heroin since we have found out about his addiction. I just don't know what to do my mum and dad have given up I really don't want to give up on him sad

Blackbird82 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:13:10

Does he really want to get clean? Because unless he is 100% committed it's just not going to happen I'm afraid. How long has he been using?

Bountybarsyuk Sun 20-Nov-16 14:19:11

He doesn't sound ready to stop at all, he's not attending the recovery centre, which would be the condition of giving methadone or other behavioural support. The thing is, methadone isn't a brilliant solution for everyone, and can leave a lot of the old behaviours (not injecting,but the same crowd) in place, plus some people end up using methadone and the other drugs as well. If he's to really engage, he would have to go to all the appointments, that's why they make you do it, to see if you are committed.

I'd also say that you will have a baby soon, and so you need to make your house a heroin-free/drug free zone, and personally I wouldn't want him withdrawing around the baby. Sorry, but I think you need to stop giving him money and allow him to make his own choices. You can't make him give up by taking him to the centre, he obviously isn't committed. All you can do is protect yourself and the baby. You can get help yourself supporting someone with an addiction, such as AdFam which might help you decide what you can and can't put up with:

IminaPickle Sun 20-Nov-16 14:21:34

Call NA 0300 999 1212
And don't feel bad, my love. He was hardly going to shrug and say, meh, maybe I'll give up and have a Mars bar instead was he!?
Do call them and think about how to help him and what rules you need to have- certainly not having him around your baby, maybe that he's welcome when clean and that you'll feed him but no more money and that if he steals from you you'll call the police?

serene12 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:23:31

Your brother can go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings, which are held all over the UK. In some areas there are meetings every day, maybe you can find out the information online and encourage him to go
Good luck

Im0gen Sun 20-Nov-16 14:30:11

To me my brother is still my brother he is loving and caring and will do anything for anyone. I'm sat here crying now I feel awful I could potentially have helped him to his death bed! Sat by the window waiting for him to come back

I doubt you have helped him to his death bed - a tenner will only buy one bag and he'll be looking for something else by tonight.

You need to get some support for yourself so you can protect yourself and your baby .

I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do to help your brother until he wants to do it.

Moanyoldbint89 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:47:06

Thanks for the information going to look into these further and see what help I can get him. He's been on it for two years now was clean for a month when he came to live with me last year. He is back now so will discuss with him what he wants to do x

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 20-Nov-16 15:33:43

He's going to bleed you white. And when you've no more money left he'll steal everything you own in order to flog it for another ten pound bag. At the moment you're just putting off the inevitable.

Your own parents have washed their hands of him, probably for their own protection. You need to do the same. If not for him, do it for yourself and your baby

likeaZombie Sun 20-Nov-16 18:45:39

Have to agree with everyone else you need to protect yourself and your baby. If he can't even stick out the appointments to get methadone he's not ready.
My own brother is a heroin addict. He's on methadone but still uses. He has done some truly disgusting things to feed his addiction. The very rare occasion I have him in my home I hide my handbag and keep my eyes on him because I can't trust him as far as I can throw him. He is still my brother and I love him but first and foremost he is an addict and I've had to distance myself to save my sanity. It's nearly tore our whole family apart.
I hope and pray my brother can get better but I've stopped hoping my begging crying and pleading with him will make the slightest bit of difference.
It's an evil horrible illness but he can only get well if he wants to.

LIZS Sun 20-Nov-16 18:50:30

£10 won't last long. Sorry but you aren't doing him any favours. If he wants to get clean there are opportunities to do so but he has to want to , and those around him have to be prepared to accept it will be tough or keep away.

BratFarrarsPony Sun 20-Nov-16 18:53:49

Your brother can get onto a methedone program easily. Tell him to do that and to leave you alone.

Besides it wont be just one tenner it will be another and another , then it will be £20 and then another,,,,etc

BobbieDog Sun 20-Nov-16 18:58:00

I didnt think you could get heroin for a tenner.

I can understand why hes given up the sessions if you dont get methadone for weeks.

I would be concerned about social services getting involved if they knew i was spending alot of time with someone on drugs

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