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Can't believe I'm asking this - possibly triggering

(11 Posts)
Dontknowwhyimnamechanging Sun 20-Nov-16 11:44:10

Ive name changed as this is sensitive and I don't want to be outed.

I've been with my partner for over a year, we don't live together but are very happy.

Some mornings before work while we're cuddling and moaning in general about getting up, he will initiate morning sex. This may be too much but I think it matters, It always starts with him running his fingers over my body and then stimulating my clit. He is not a selfish partner.

Last night I stayed at his and we didn't have sex at bed time, there's nothing off about this, we don't always have sex.
However, at about 2am I woke up to him stimulating my clit, I lay there in that between sleep and awake phase and dozed back off, when I woke up he was still doing it (I wasn't asleep for too long) we then had sex.

After sex he told me I was talking in my sleep then, we both went to sleep.
This morning though, I've found myself wondering what actually happened last night. I also wonder if he's done this before and I haven't woken up?

I asked him how long he was doing it before I woke up and he said, he didn't know and I was talking a lot in my sleep.

Can someone help me make sense of this? I have no doubt I consented to sex, it's the other stuff I'm confused over.

WellErrr Sun 20-Nov-16 12:01:32

This sounds totally normal to me.
Him initiating sex in the usual way, which you then consented to?

Dontknowwhyimnamechanging Sun 20-Nov-16 12:05:08

For me it's unusual because I was asleep, I'm always awake when he initiates morning sex. Your reply has made me realise I am probably overthinking this though.
Thank you.

blondiebonce Sun 20-Nov-16 12:25:56

If you're not happy about it, that's completely fair enough. Many people might have no issue with it but it's a completely personal reaction which you have every right to feel. Discuss it with him because a sexual relationship is only ok if you're both on the same page.

Foofer Sun 20-Nov-16 12:28:08

If you are over-thinking there is a reason and that's ok.
Not saying there was anything wrong with what you've described - he tried, you woke and consented, happy shagging BUT if you're uncomfortable with that method of initiating sex let him know.
Better to have a wee chat and set a boundry now when it's a one-off.

Cricrichan Sun 20-Nov-16 12:34:16

Yes, let him know that you want to be awake. If he gets annoyed then it's not acceptable but if he agrees or even apologises then you know there's nothing wrong.

noego Sun 20-Nov-16 12:40:30

If you had said NO and he hadn't stopped then I would be worried. I love being woken up by being stimulated. If it had been 6.30 in the morning would it have bothered you as much?

Dontknowwhyimnamechanging Sun 20-Nov-16 12:52:38

The consensus seems to be I should talk to him. I'll do this today and figure out boundaries with him. Thanks all. flowers

c3pu Sun 20-Nov-16 12:54:37

Obviously you're when you're asleep you can't consent to anything, so if you're concerned you will have to have a conversation with him about what level of touching you're comfortable with with explicit consent.

Cockblocktopus Sun 20-Nov-16 12:59:50

DH often does the same thing whilst we are awake. A couple of times he's done it whilst I've been sleepig/dozing. I've either told him to bugger off (and obviously he does) or we have a midnight shag.

But I've never thought "what if he's been doing this whilst I'm sleeping"

By that I mean are you concerned because you don't trust him and are you worried he's having sex with you whilst you're asleep and unable to consent or...?

Hope you're ok OP.

Talk to him, it's ok for you NOT being ok with him touching you in your sleep.

Dontknowwhyimnamechanging Sun 20-Nov-16 13:24:25

I will have a conversation with him about consent, I didn't even think of mention consent rather than just boundaries.

cockblocktopus I think you've hit the nail on the head, I am wondering if I trust him I found his answer of "you we're talking in your sleep" odd.

The conversation I will have with him will hopefully answer my concerns for me.

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