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How do I help my mum???

(4 Posts)
undecidedmum54321 Sun 20-Nov-16 09:47:48

Long story short-- my brother has a drug problem, been going on for ten years although there have been periods where he's either stopped (says he has) and seemed to be on the up. I cut ties with him over a year ago as we found out he was still doing drugs and he had sworn blind he had stopped. Enough was enough from my pov - couldn't trust anything he said. I was the only one to do so and tbh felt as if others judged I was being unduly harsh.

Since then he moved back in with my mum - parents split and live in different areas. Supposed to be temporary but obviously still there a year later. He constantly borrows money on whatever pretext he can think up, he pressures her with constant requests/demands to the point she ends up upset but gives him money ... I've listened to what's going on, obviously I no longer speak to him. I have told her she is enabling him, it's not helping and he won't stop- she has to decide to stop helping him although I accept that will be hard. I offered to speak to him and did contact him to ask we talk but he didn't respond!

I don't know what else I can do. I worry for my mum - she is getting on, isn't in the best of health and she should be relaxing and taking it easy. I can't force her not to help my brother, what more can I do?

BastardGoDarkly Sun 20-Nov-16 09:52:06

Not a lot unfortunately, she's a grown woman with a mind of her own. It's heart breaking I know, and will probably take something pretty major for her to have had enough, all you can do is be there for her.

I doubt there's much point talking to him either, he'll carry on doing whatever makes his drug taking easier.

I'm so sorry flowers

loinnir Sun 20-Nov-16 10:08:07

It's such a nightmare for you all. You have probably already been down this path but I will say it anyway.
if you go onto the NHS Live well site (or FRANK) and type in your postcode all the local support groups in your area will be listed. Usually they also offer support to carers or there will be dedicated carers groups. This can be really useful to get advice, talk to others who are in a similar position etc. Perhaps you could attend agroup with your mother and start building some support network for her.

Does your brother want to get help for himself?

undecidedmum54321 Sun 20-Nov-16 10:28:00

I had got information regarding support groups for her previously but hadn't thought of going with her to a session so that's something I could do.

All I hear is how he is very woe is me, he loves mum and will pay her back etc. On the other hand nowhere to go and he may as well throw himself off bridge etc. He keeps putting off any gp visit so no my view is he doesn't want to stop.

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