Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Just found this FB message exchange between Dh and a woman, not sure what to think?

(153 Posts)
HuskyLover1 Sat 19-Nov-16 21:58:38

Message was in July:
Him: Thanks don't think it was up long
Her: Sorry, it was a mistake. Only meant to send the pic to you. Won't bother you again
Him: Don't be silly. I wasn't bothered by it. You don't have to be like that. What happened in your marriage?
Her: Ok, sorry again for shocking you. I'm still married but it's not the best. I feel very unloved and have done for years. It will be our 9th wedding anniversary on 20th July. I want to enjoy my life with someone who loves me for who I am and wants to spend time with me. Hope you are happy.
Him: Not shocking. Good pic actually. Didn't want my wife to see it and put 2 and 2 together. I'm so sorry that hasn't worked out for you. You moved out or are yu going to get a divorce?
Her:No I'm very scared. How long have you been married?
Him: Scared of what? I've been married years.
Her: I'm scared to leave and be on my own. Hate life at the moment. How did you meet?
Him: You'll be ok I'm sure. You have a lot on your plate. I met Husky on POF.
Her: POF?
Him: Plenty of fish
Her: Where is Husky from? Hows life Hows work?
Him: Tells her where we live

^^ this was all in July

Then last night he sends her a message saying "how are you"

God tell me what to think about this :-(

c3pu Sat 19-Nov-16 22:03:07

Nothing exactly incriminating, but it doesn't sound like a particularly appropriate conversation. Who is the woman? Someone he knows? Someone local?

DamePlata Sat 19-Nov-16 22:03:25

Sounds like she's trying to re-initiate a relationship with him and he's not averse to the attention anyway.

birdybirdywoofwoof Sat 19-Nov-16 22:06:46

She wanted him- he declined-ish - but last night changed his mind sad
Not great, op...

AnotherFineMess16 Sat 19-Nov-16 22:07:08

She's an old flame. She, feeling neglected in her marriage and nostalgic for your now DH. She sends him an old photo of them when they were together. However, sees she posted in publically (FB maybe) and he had to contact her to take it down. Then the conversation you just posted ensued.

She seems very unhappy and obviously looked to your husband for... for what? Comfort? Old feelings of fondness? Of that I'm not sure. I have a gut feeling about what she would have liked from him, but that is only an opinion. He, was respectful and straight in his answers, imo, although he should have told you.

Why he felt like contacting her last night though... I'm hoping out of concern for an old friend and nothing else.

What do you think, OP. How is your marriage?

IsNotGold Sat 19-Nov-16 22:07:47

I'm not sure.
The 2 and 2 together comment would bother me but it could mean 2 and 2 together and get 8.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sat 19-Nov-16 22:09:32

wel they obviously have some sort of history...

presumably she sent a picture...from where? work do? day out? party? ...he removed it, she apologises, they to and fro

then you have last night....why the sudden interest?

is he savvy with his phone....whats app, snap chat, kik? could there be other lines of communication

Does he guard the phone?

I'd be very displeased to find anything like that. I'd be digging around a lot.

DrScholl Sat 19-Nov-16 22:09:37

he is grooming her ( or vice versa)
There is a lack of connection in YOUR marriage. Do some more stuff together have some sex

GrabtharsHammer Sat 19-Nov-16 22:11:40

It sounds like he's had an affair with her (didn't want you to put two and two together), she's tried to send him a photo and its ended up either on her wall or his, they were both married when they hooked up which is why he's asking about what happened in her marriage.

And now t looks like he's looking to start something up again.

SarcasmMode Sat 19-Nov-16 22:11:59

It sounds like he had something going with her around the time you both met and he doesn't want you to kno. She's sent a pic of them together and he didn't want you to see it.

Or they have had a ONS at some point and not told each other about their lives and that's why they are talking about marriage.

It sounds like she's quite emotionally needy and he's taken advantage of that.

It doesn't sound good to be honest. Sorry Husky.flowers

rookiemere Sat 19-Nov-16 22:12:37

Sounds like an old girlfriend trying to get back together with him by sending an old photo I think his responses sound ok - he talks about you and tells her how to meet someone else.

AnotherFineMess16 Sat 19-Nov-16 22:13:29

I disagree they met while he was with the OP. I think they were together prior to his marriage, which is why she asked how long he has been married. I'm sticking to the old flame theory.

birdybirdywoofwoof Sat 19-Nov-16 22:16:19

Mm I read it as friend (or gf) from way back too.

I think, at this stage, I might ask him outright..

Bluntness100 Sat 19-Nov-16 22:19:09

Ah she didn't know he was married or how you met, and he's being open with her, I think it's an ex girlfriend from before uou met him.

He's just asked how she is, she's in a bad way, It's a nice thing to do, I wouldn't be concerned.

TheoriginalLEM Sat 19-Nov-16 22:20:31

i think he chats online to women and she was trying to initiate something. He clearly isn't interested. Was prob bored last night.

happypoobum Sat 19-Nov-16 22:20:57

Ex GF, possibly childhood sweetheart or something. The photo was probably of them together years ago and she put in on his FB wall instead of messaging it to him?

The initial exchange wouldn't really bother me, but the fact he is following it up would.................

HuskyLover1 Sat 19-Nov-16 22:23:58

No he doesn't guard his phone. But he knows that I don't know how to work it! The 2 and 2 comment is worrying me

Chickydoo Sat 19-Nov-16 22:25:10

Think it sounds like a one night stand

Ikeameatballs Sat 19-Nov-16 22:25:43

I think it's an ex from way back and the initial contact was from her to him and responded appropriately. I wouldn't even be too bothered that he didn't mention it to you at the time.

It's hard to know what to think of the more recent text; either he's been hooked in to an emotional connection with her or he's just being kind. Ideally he wouldn't have got in touch again and I'd suggest that you try to have a chat with him about your relationship and what you'd both like that you're not currently getting.

IsNotGold Sat 19-Nov-16 22:26:37

he is grooming her ( or vice versa)
There is a lack of connection in YOUR marriage. Do some more stuff together have some sex

WTF

birdybirdywoofwoof Sat 19-Nov-16 22:26:49

That, I would have thought just meant 'don't want wife to get the wrong idea' - which is ok I reckon.

I'd be less thrilled that he'd got back in touch with her when it does look like she's desperate. - but I suppose he could be being kind.

Do you know her/of her op?

nancy75 Sat 19-Nov-16 22:27:05

To me it reads like he doesn't want you to put 2&2 together and get 6. He isn't hiding that he is married and doesn't seem to be wanting anything from her

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend Sat 19-Nov-16 22:28:40

I like the way he mentioned 'my wife' and that he's been married 'years', and that he suggested Plenty of Fish to get her to meet someone. He seemed pretty uninterested, from my perspective. She was definitely laying the moves. I don't know what his last message is about - he could be genuinely worried about her? Any way you can subtly bring the conversation around to old friends/marriages breaking up to see if he offers anything up about her?

Coconutty Sat 19-Nov-16 22:30:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovepancakes Sat 19-Nov-16 22:30:17

Yes I re-read it and that is the worrying bit. I already didn't like her sharing 'deep' things as its not appropriate when he's married to you. But the two and two bit suggests something went on but a long time ago given they didn't seem to know about each other's current relationships really?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now