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WWYD, tell his wife or not?

(90 Posts)
wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:09:10

So angry and ashamed right now with myself.... this time last year I was single but was having an affair with a married man. He told his wife and said he wanted to make the marriage work. He carried on with me behind her back for another month. Then she found out and we ended. The last 2 months we've been in contact again (I am still single) and we met this week whilst he was in London for work, we spent the night together. It was the same as before. Except I now feel completely repulsed by myself and him. His wife thinks yet again that all is fine. She trusts him. He has yet again cheated on her. It's not my place to tell her is it and he wants to see me again so has clearly not changed. I'm disgusted at myself but really looking for opinions as to whether to tell his wife in light of the other thread about telling the other partner. I know I'd want to know but would be mortified to hear it from the ow

BifsWif Sat 19-Nov-16 19:10:19

What would you gain by telling her?
Why did you sleep with him again knowing he was married?

BifsWif Sat 19-Nov-16 19:10:40

Knowing he was staying in his marriage, sorry.

pinkyredrose Sat 19-Nov-16 19:11:21

Tell her. She deserves to know what a cunt she's married to.

LolaStarr Sat 19-Nov-16 19:11:54

I think you just need to cut all contact with him and let him sort it out himself.

wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:12:50

No idea why I did. Surely the issue is him not just me?

OhGiveOver Sat 19-Nov-16 19:14:31

Threaten him to tell her before you do, hopefully he will. But cut contact and stay away, and keep working on yourself esteem.

wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:15:09

Lola - I pointed out that happily married men don't do what he's done. He said marriage has a 'shelf life' and clearly he wouldn't have done it if he was happy. But he isn't planning to leave her - don't mean for me, just to do the decent thing and let her know.

Ouriana Sat 19-Nov-16 19:15:53

Tell her.
Ive been in her shoes and Id want to know. Send one message with enough proof, such as screenshots of texts, them walk away.

peppermac Sat 19-Nov-16 19:16:09

No you're right the issue is with both of you. But why do you want to tell her? Are you jealous?

wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:17:35

Apparently he's unable to tell her - house renovations are almost done apart from their new kitchen. It's all a big front, he can't love her or respect her. Before you all say he doesn't love or respect me either, I know. I'm not that stupid.

wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:18:25

Peppermac absolutely no way. Why would I be jealous, I feel sad for her.

TheFormidableMrsC Sat 19-Nov-16 19:21:59

If you gave a shit about his wife, you wouldn't have slept with him in the first place. You feel "sad" for her? Wow. How very kind of you.

I do not know why I keep biting with these bloody threads.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 19-Nov-16 19:26:43

Stop concentrating on her, and workout why your self esteem is so low that you keep putting yourself in stupid shallow situations with this man.
I think you sound a bit sad!

BifsWif Sat 19-Nov-16 19:27:38

Me either. You feel fuck all for her, or you wouldn't have gone to bed with her husband as soon as he clicked his fingers.

Trifleorbust Sat 19-Nov-16 19:34:24

I don't know why you are seeing yourself as caught up in the moral dilemma of whether or not to tell her, when you seem strikingly unconcerned by the moral dilemma of whether or not to shag her husband. What do you expect people to say?

wtf2 Sat 19-Nov-16 19:34:47

It wasn't me that cheated on her. Yes I did wrong but his actions were far worse. I posted as I've realised what a hideous position she is in and whether I should tell her.

Trifleorbust Sat 19-Nov-16 19:35:47

Ha ha 'the decent thing' - you're killing me, stop it grin

WellErrr Sat 19-Nov-16 19:38:41

Tell her as she deserves to know.

But nothing about this is decent, and you are absolutely culpable too. Yes, you're not the one married to her - but you knew that he was and you knew it was a shitty thing to do TO HER and you did it anyway.

stitchglitched Sat 19-Nov-16 19:38:53

It's a pity you didn't have that revelation earlier on this week. Just leave her alone.

flumpybear Sat 19-Nov-16 19:40:50

You're just his tart - he's playing you both - walk away he won't change

HateMrTumble Sat 19-Nov-16 19:42:47

sleeping with a married man, okay whatever..

but the wife found out, you two ended and now it's started again you want to go and tell his wife.. I think you're just as much the problem here.. id keep away from other people's marriages in the first place tbh, so yeah as others have said maybe work on your self esteem- massively!

Ellisandra Sat 19-Nov-16 19:43:26

Tell her.
You're an arsehole and your reasons for telling her are laughable.
But she still ought to know, so tell her.

Just send one piece of evidence (screenshot of a text or whatever) and don't waste her time justifying your shitty behaviour.

whoneedsacuppa Sat 19-Nov-16 19:43:49

Are you just wanting to tell her because you feel guilty?

chocfireguard Sat 19-Nov-16 19:44:12

You say you feel bad, but any time a reply lays even remote onus on you, you tell us how it really isn't your fault and that he is clearly to blame. I think what you actually want out of this is not anything to do with telling the woman, but rather, for us to all say "stop being so hard on yourself; he is clearly the piece of work and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time". You knew he was married. What you should have done was not sleep with him, but tell his wife about any advances he may have made. Sorry, but you're not going to find much sympathy here.

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