Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Being needy!

(10 Posts)
startingover231 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:11:47

In need of some perspective on this, but please be kind. I am feeling really letdown. DP is self employed and I get that it is often difficult and you have to take work when it's there but lately he's had loads of work and often works seven days a week! Anyway, we had arrangements for tomorrow which were important to me but I guess not so for him. He texted me earlier to say he now has to work because he doesn't want to let the customer down! The thing is I am feeling let down, like my plans are less important than the customer. AIBU to feel let down, he's accusing me of being 'needy' . I don't think I'm needy, I am insecure sometimes but that's my problem not his, due to how XH treated me and I though we'd acknowledged that! I'm a bit confused really, everyone always says I'm too easygoing and it's true I dislike conflict so I tend to avoid it, but now having expressed my disappointment I feel like I should have just shut up and put up with it?
How would you feel if this was you?

Misshewer Sat 19-Nov-16 17:18:47

How long will he be working? Can you not have a nice tea a cuddle in the evening? Im more of a stay at home tbh more prefer to be home then out. My partner to arranged things with me and forgets he's on call not his fault just how his job is. It does annoy me sometimes but i don't let it get to me. If he literally has no time for you at all then that's a bit awks. sad

confused114 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:24:48

This is what happens when you are with someone who's self employed unfortunately. I think you need to be abit more understanding tbh. He's working, not going out with mates etc. If he doesn't work and keep the customer happy he probably won't get paid. Being self employed is stressful and hard and unfortunately it can mean you get let down a lot. But that's the way it is and you will have to get used to it if you want to be with him.

startingover231 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:28:25

It's not that working means I won't see him tomorrow,it's more we had arranged to go somewhere in particular, he does make time to see me I just feel sometimes that in the order of priority I come below work! Which is fine normally, I understand being self employed work isn't a constant but it's just tomorrow was something that was important to me! But expressing that to him caused this big row that resulted in the 'needy' tag which has upset me.

hungryhangry Sat 19-Nov-16 17:29:14

DH & I run a business together, but it's mainly his thing, and so I know how you feel. He is constantly working and constantly stressed. We have agreed together though that one day a week is our day and that he does not make work plans for that day, and this has been fantastic for us. Now and then things can't be helped and we do have to work that day (especially now it's Xmas season) but only if there is no other way around it. Some of our days off we are so exhausted from work that we just cuddle and watch Netflix all day, but that's fine, it's our day and we are together but not working.

Running your own business is tough especially if it's a new business or if he's the only employee, but try to get him to agree to at least one evening a week (preferably the same one each week) that is you time, date night or whatever.

I know it's hard to be with someone running a business and it's hard to see the business taking first place at times, but certainly in my case, I just have to understand that next year things will calm down (we are going to get our first employee!), and that I need to support him right now and make sure next year when we have more time to ourselves that he treats me like a princess lol!

startingover231 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:30:29

Thanks confused , I am trying to understand that, I have never been self employed or been with a partner who was, so I do struggle at times! But I can see what you're saying...

Ragwort Sat 19-Nov-16 17:44:24

It is incredibly tough being self employed - my DH is and life is a constant struggle, it's not easy to get new customers, you can't afford to turn jobs down even if that means upsetting plans that your family have made.

I honestly don't think that people who haven't experienced self employment really know what it's like - it is far from 'choosing your own hours and being your own boss'.

Is whatever you had planned to do something you could do on your own, do you genuinely 'need' your DP with you or would it just be nice to have him along? Perhaps it was something he didn't particularly want to do anyway?

startingover231 Sat 19-Nov-16 17:54:22

ragwort we were going to try and find a suitable place to scatter my dads ashes who died last month, so yes more important to me than him , I can go on my own but I would have preferred his company, it was more the feeling let down, but I can see by what you've all been posting that I am being slightly unreasonable and not really understanding the self employed bit. He said he could have told the customer no and then he'd have spent all day worrying about letting them down so wouldn't have been good company anyway! So a no win situation really.
And as confused said its not like he's let me down to be with his mates.
I guess you're never too old to learn a(nother) lesson about life and relationships!
Thanks for giving me another perspective! It's what I need sometimes!

LesisMiserable Mon 21-Nov-16 22:48:50

How long have you been together?

youcantgoback Wed 23-Nov-16 10:39:34

Given the circumstances, I don't understand why this caused a row. It's a bit of a one off ask really and a very emotional time.
If, on another occasion, he had a meeting with another important client and a second client wanted him, how does he decide which one to let down?
Surely he's going to feel worse about letting you down at a time you really need him?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now