Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My partner took a photo of me and I didn't like it so he blamed me for being ugly.. Feeling gutted

(47 Posts)
Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 10:54:21

He took a picture of me and my new baby daughter. All I said was it's an awful photo so he told me it's because I'm ugly. He laughed afterwards because I pulled him look but I didn't react.

Now I'm sat here feeling hurt.. I don't look my best atm because I've just had a baby and I'm tired and a little flabby.. But he never does anything to make me feel pretty so to speak..

He only ever comments on my flaws rather than anything nice.

I really want to cry but I don't want him to see me or to think it has affected me in anyway.

I don't feel attractive at all anymore and our sex life has gone downhill (even before a baby)

I'm not sure how to approach it

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly Sat 19-Nov-16 10:56:42

Why wouldn't you want him to know that it's hurt you? It was a nasty thing to do and he sounds horrible. Does he do this often?

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Sat 19-Nov-16 10:59:38

That's truly horrible and you have every right to confront him with that. I'd suggest a taste of his own medicine too.

hesterton Sat 19-Nov-16 10:59:53

Tell him you wouldn't dream of having sex wih someone who thinks that you are ugly so he can kiss good ye to physical intimacy.

Then piss on his egg and chips and tell him to fuck off. How dare he.

CageyBee Sat 19-Nov-16 11:00:38

Wow. Even if he was joking that is really thoughtless.

maras2 Sat 19-Nov-16 11:54:03

Congratulations on your new baby flowers.Tell Gobshite that he's a nasty pig with a tiny prick.

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 13:53:46

Really hurt tbh and I've never been self conscious but lately I've been very paranoid and jealous because of the small comments.
Even when he compliments a celebrity and I know that sounds silly but he will say..
"She is stunning" and I find myself hurt and angry.
I've realised this is because he never compliments me. He would rather put me down.

Silly thing is I know I'm not unattractive, I definitely get interest... I wouldn't dream of acting on it.. I love him way too much.

But now I'm afraid if he has stopped finding me attractive. What is stopping him? Does any of that make sense or am I over sensitive.?

Cricrichan Sat 19-Nov-16 14:02:08

Yanbu! What a nasty thing to say! Start talking about celebs too - talk about their muscles or fit bodies or nice hair, sense of humour, personality etc.

Maybe also point out his receding hairline or paunch etc?

ThatStewie Sat 19-Nov-16 14:04:53

This behaviour is classic emotional abuse. Domestic abuse like this frequently starts in pregnancy and gets worse.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who treats you this way?

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 14:10:41

I've done this.. He doesn't care tbh.
I told him how he made me feel at the beginning and he just says.. That was the honeymoon period..
If I'm honest I don't dare be naked in front him. I don't feel confident around him at all.

Bluntness100 Sat 19-Nov-16 14:14:09

Ah, that's horrible and it's abusive . I never know why some people feel the need to put others down. It's like it makes them feel better about themselves. Maybe he feels if he puts you down enough you'll believe it and not leave him for another man, a better man. Because the high chance is uou could.

I don't understand why you love such an absolute prick.

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 14:26:37

Because I fell in love and now it's difficult not to love..
But I understand your mindset and I would say the same to an outsider..
Not sure I would find a better man.. I've three kids to am ex abusive man... And he was abusive in every way..
Now I thought I found an forever man and have a little girl... Obviously I feel I've fallen in the same trap..

So if I do leave him who would want me and my baggage? I'm doing things to build my confidence but it keeps being knocked and the one person who should build it doesn't

Bluntness100 Sat 19-Nov-16 14:39:04

Honey, your kids aren't baggage, plenty of single parents out there and of course uou could find a better man. Someone who loves uou won't tell uou these horrible things.

I think maybe uou also have some self esteem issues due to these men. Let me give uou an example if my husband said such s thing I'd unleash the hounds from hell on him. I'd tell everyone what an arse he was and what he said to me. He'd think twice about doing it a second time unless he wanted world war three on his hands.

So the fact you said nothing and didn't want to show him you were hurt, allows him to get away with it and repeat it, and it shows possibly your self esteem is low, because it's hurt uou and you don't have a good enough relationship with him that uou can even tell him that.

He is being abusive, there is no two ways about it. Words can hurt just as much as a fist.

category12 Sat 19-Nov-16 14:55:12

Oh, you've gone from a previous abuser to an emotional abuser.

There are worse things than not being in a relationship - and one of them is being in a relationship with someone who does you down and treats you poorly.

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 15:37:07

Even more upset now.
So I was having a laugh with him said oh dear your team is loosing in football.
He told me to fuck off its not funny stupid cow.
He said it's not funny I don't wind you up.
I said no you just call me ugly
He said well I love you I won't lie to you..
Literally want to cry

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 15:44:23

It's not the first time either..
Come to the think about it I didn't breastfeed because he told me my boobs were big enough and made me anxious about doing it.
I wish I had now because apart from the odd nights I do all the feeds and she's had problems with the formula milk.
Self esteem sunk to a new low

YouWereAlwaysPerfect Sat 19-Nov-16 15:47:52

I can't say anything other than what others have said, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who thinks it is OK to make horrible comments towards you put you down.

Please don't cry flowers

Prettypaticularperson Sat 19-Nov-16 15:48:19

Weren't big enough*

Bluntness100 Sat 19-Nov-16 15:52:03

Ah jeez he's emotionally abusing you, to tell you to shut up like that, is awful and to make you self conscious enough not to breast feed is shocking,

You need to stand up to him and tell him it needs to stop as a minimum, the best is to leave him clearly.

tallwivglasses Sat 19-Nov-16 15:52:05

He doesn't love you. He has no respect for you. He's a nasty shit and you deserve so much better. Start thinking about what life would be like without all these putdowns and insults. And if you're worried about being left on the shelf, well, I very much doubt that would happen.

NightTerrier Sat 19-Nov-16 15:58:56

That's disgusting behaviour on his part. He sounds very spiteful and you'd be better off without him.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Sat 19-Nov-16 16:05:15

I'd be tempted, when he makes remarks like this, to cock my head on one side and ask him in a concerned manner if he doesn't think it's time to get some professional help with his emotional issues. Because it isn't normal to speak to someone like he speaks to you, it really isn't. He is very very fucked up and either he recognises that and deals with it or you should get away and get your kids away. And let him stew. It won't end well for him.

DamePlata Sat 19-Nov-16 16:10:58

Blimey not surprised you don't want to have sex with somebody who would hurt you deliberately by telling you that he considers you ugly.

I think it's entirely normal that you don't want to have sex with him. that's not a low sex drive pet.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 19-Nov-16 16:12:34

If anyone is ugly here it is him both inside and outside.

Re this comment:-

"I told him how he made me feel at the beginning and he just says.. That was the honeymoon period.."

His remark re the "honeymoon period" was very telling as well, it is characteristic of emotional abuse. He is emotionally abusive and your children will pick up on this from him as well.

You have basically gone from one abusive relationship into another one.

I would contact Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 to discuss your options going forward and to enrol yourself on their Freedom Programme asap. It is for people who have been in abusive relationships. Ultiamtely you need to leave this man before he totally destroys your self worth altogether. This is no life for you or any children either.

YonicProbe Sat 19-Nov-16 16:13:39

Of course you don't want sex with someone so horrible.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now