I've been pondering this in the run up to Christmas with family visits looming.
I'm generally pretty good at getting on with people, but after twenty-odd years, I've made my peace with the fact that I'm never going to be able to spend any time with my MIL without being driven to distraction.
It's really not because of the dynamics of the MIL/DIL relationship - she drives everyone crackers. She's self-centred (is only interested in talking about herself) domineering, has a hugely inflated sense of her own importance/expertise in any given area (including areas where the person she's talking to is an actual expert) and often rude. Family gatherings tend to involve everyone walking on eggshells and colluding in trying to placate her and not become embroiled in any contentious conversations with her.
It's not restricted to family, either. She has repeatedly alienated and offended acquaintances over the years, resulting in extended outraged ranting from her, with a complete inability to consider accepting any responsibility for the fall-out, or to identify patterns in her behaviour. She has one long-standing friend, a relationship which has survived due to this person being incredibly meek and never disagreeing with her and always allowing we to dominate and have her own way. FIL is a coward, and has enabled her poor behaviour for four decades; while he rolls his eyes at her and pulls faces behind her back, he never pulls her up on it, and often colludes in her self-righteous rants about the ways in which she perceives herself to have been wronged.
Anyway: I'm fascinated as to how she manages to maintain such an unshakeable belief in herself as likeable, reasonable and rational (indeed,she prides herself upon these things), in the face of all evidence to the contrary. How do people like this avoid self-reflection to such an extent and remain so utterly oblivious to their own faults? She's objectively a very, very difficult woman, but she has no idea whatsoever that this is the case. I just can't understand it - I'm very able to identify my less desirable character traits and behaviours (even if I struggle at times to change or modify them) and I think most people are similar.
What are your thoughts? Do you think difficult people are ever able recognise that they are difficult, or is this lack of recognition part of what makes them difficult?
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Relationships
Do you think difficult people know they are difficult?
StreetFighter · 19/11/2016 09:24
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