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Husband dinner with a woman

(38 Posts)
user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 06:30:26

I wanted some female perspective. My husband works abroad. He comes home every other weekend. He has a great commuting flat and it all works well for us. He has mates who I've met and of them is a women. We get on great and she goes over with another make work colleague for dinner quite often. Tonight she's going over for dinner on her own as the make work colleague has gone home (he also commutes).

She's single and openly looking for a partner. She's taking things over for our kids my husband asked her to get as we are going over next weekend.

I trust my husband but I don't think it's a good idea to have a female friend over on a Saturday night for dinner when your married. I know he will make a good effort with lovely food and music etc. and it's all innocent but it's doesn't feel right. I've told him and he said he cancel. He with fine with that but should I just let them have dinner? Alone in his flat seems really inappropriate on a Saturday night?

NewlySkinnyMe Sat 19-Nov-16 06:35:15

It's all innocent. He is going to cancel at your request. You trust him.

None of that sounds inappropriate to me. Contrary to what When Harry met Sally will have you believe, it is possible they can remain friends.

Personally, I wouldn't find this weird and ask him to cancel. But then I've never been cheated on so others may be more wary than me.

NewlySkinnyMe Sat 19-Nov-16 06:36:43

She's not predatory just because she's single. She may feel safe with your husband knowing he's happily married. Also it's odd to cancel a dinner between friends just because you have different anatomy.

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:13:07

Agree with you Hun. My husband has close female friends and I am total happy with it. He has one who is god mother to our daughters. Just something doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because I don't know her that well

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:16:13

Suppose that's why I am asking for advice as I wouldn't even usually think twice about it.

AmberEars Sat 19-Nov-16 07:19:54

Personally I'd be ok with this. But I also think it's understandable if you're not.

ilovelamp82 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:20:46

Sounds innocent to me. I am single now. If other people deemed me unsafe for my friend/their husband to be around, I'd be pretty bemused and upset.

You either trust your husband or you don't, to imply that because the woman is single and it is Saturday night something will happen is offensive.

Maybe if they're abroad they don't know many other people and just need some company.

If you don't trust your husband that's another matter that you need to address. But the truth is if he was going to cheat on you, he would cheat on you regardless. Sounds like he's been very open about something innocent.

TheNaze73 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:21:50

I'm firstly stunned by your attitude to single women. Secondly, if I was on the receiving end of your treatment it would give me serious doubts about you & raise trust issues. Having worked abroad on projects, the down time from work can be so dull, being alone in a foreign city, so you do tend to do things, like food & running with colleagues.
He's been open & honest and told you exactly what he was doing. If they really wanted to be shagging tonight they could of.
I think you're being jealous & controlling

Jennywren110 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:22:38

Sounds like he is open and honest with you as let's face it he could easily have dinner with her and not tell you if he wanted to.

I think it's your irrational part of the brain getting a teeny bit jealous.

I think YABU.

EBearhug Sat 19-Nov-16 07:24:45

If they were going to cheat, it won't matter which day of the week it is.

I'm single. I have male friends, most of whom are married. I have met some of them on Saturdays because that's the date which worked for both of us. I'm not having an affair with any of them. We do stuff like talk about work, food, films, cycling, music. I do try to avoid talk about work, at least on the weekend.

If it doesn't feel right, that's the bit you have to deal with - you need to work out what it is that feels wrong and see if it's reasonable to feel that way and talk to your husband about it.

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:28:10

Thanks ladies. Agree with all of that.

Bluntness100 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:28:39

I think you're being unreasonable too. Very, I often have dinner with male work colleagues and would be horrified if any wife thought I was after their man.

The fact she's single is irrelevant, that doesn't make her desperate for any bloke, for goodness sake, and what difference would it make if she was married, married people cheat, and people don't only cheat on Saturdays,

Let them have dinner for goodness sake.

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:30:29

lol no not jealous or controlling with very short text saying didn't feel right to hubby.

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:37:51

Thanks ladies I am usually so chilled about these things. Hubby having female friends is no issue.
Hence advice on this one. Maybe it's as it's in his flat and he doesn't know her that well. Personally I'd meet a bloke out. That's probably what it is. I will leave it to him he knows her best.

00100001 Sat 19-Nov-16 07:45:55

YABU

Even if she dies try it in, doesn't mean anything will happen

user1479536240 Sat 19-Nov-16 08:01:41

No don't think she would actually. Just had a chat and realised my main concern was the safety aspect of being on your own with opposite sex. Even saying it out loud made me realise you wouldn't do anything if you always worries about possibilities. Just told him he knows her best and i am cool with it. So it's dinner. Thanks ladies

Joysmum Sat 19-Nov-16 08:41:47

No YANBU.

You are the cool wife, he has femail friends, your fine with this and one is a godparent. It's not like you aren't happy for him to have female friends!

...However your spidey senses are tingling.

magoria Sat 19-Nov-16 09:16:00

Safety aspect? They are not strangers, they are work colleagues.

What do you think she is going to do to your H or the other way around?

WamBamThankYouMaam Sat 19-Nov-16 12:58:29

Oh God this cool wife bollocks really pisses me off.

People can be friends with men or women, whoever they have things in common with and like really.

The only uncool thing is being controlling as to try and dictate who your partner can be friends with.

It's dinner. No different on a Saturday to a Tuesday. And unless your partner is open to sleeping with someone else, then it doesn't matter if it's man, woman, married, single etc.

PsychedelicSheep Sat 19-Nov-16 13:12:53

^^ Agree totally

PsychedelicSheep Sat 19-Nov-16 13:12:54

^^ Agree totally

PsychedelicSheep Sat 19-Nov-16 13:14:48

Oops, apparently so much it needed saying twice! 😳

Trifleorbust Sat 19-Nov-16 13:24:47

Being perfectly and totally honest, I wouldn't like it either. I'd know I was being unreasonable but I wouldn't like it. I doubt that many of the respondents here would genuinely like it either hmm
But if he is going to work away, you can't stop him having a social life that doesn't involve you. Sometimes it will be a female friend.

RestlessTraveller Sat 19-Nov-16 13:30:16

should I just let them have dinner?

You sound controlling to me.

BreakfastLunchPasta Sat 19-Nov-16 13:33:50

I'd be ok with this, and I'm quite a jealous/possessive type.
I think the fact you can discuss your concerns openly with your dh shows you have a strong relationship.

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