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Advice needed, please

(7 Posts)
LadyFanjo Fri 18-Nov-16 22:15:21

So I'm seriously considering leaving my OH. Long story short, he's making me unhappy and it's affecting my DDs. I don't think I love him anymore and we have no family life to speak of. I've posted here previously but name changed out of shame at the situation.
At the moment, he's the breadwinner.

I left my last company after taking them to tribunal and getting a settlement, which we used to pay debts off (until I met him I didn't even have an overdraft, now I worry about money all the time).

I then started freelancing and for the last 3 months I've brought an average of £850 a month in.

If I left, my biggest worry is finances - I honestly don't know how I'd cope. Would I have to give up freelancing? Could I claim tax credits? Will I be leading my girls into poverty by being a single mum?

I have extreme anxiety at the moment - had to take Rescue Remedy just to write this. I just feel so trapped and honestly don't know what to do. I can't continue like this but I don't know how to change things.

Today whilst in the bath with the baby, I looked at the bathroom that had been left in a tip by OH and wanted to cry - I can barely keep up with the girls and freelancing and housework, I can't pick up after him too. I feel like I'm descending into madness with no way out and yet I still live in hope he'll change and things will get better but I know that's unrealistic.

Thank you x

LadyFanjo Sat 19-Nov-16 07:04:54

Just bumping this hoping someone sees it.

Rosetime Sat 19-Nov-16 07:32:25

Hi, OP.

I am thinking of leaving DP too and I am also worried about finances. Very worried. I have got an appointment at CAB. Why not go in to CAB and have a sit down with someone there and go through it all...discuss your financial concerns, what you can do for accommodation/rent and what help/benefits you could get.

Hopefully, that would help give you a picture and could help with planning.
There are lots of people out there, going it alone. So it's doable. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let the anxiety take over.
Best of luck.

LadyFanjo Sat 19-Nov-16 11:39:15

Thank you for replying. It's such a horrible situation isn't it? I feel like I'm such a failure at being a 'grown up'. I know it's the right thing to do but it feels like any step I take makes it all cemented - which is good, but final/terrifying. I do know I can't go on and it's affecting my MH. Had two breakdowns this morning trying to get my girls ready (they didn't see thankfully).
I hope you get sorted too. I guess it's staying positive and thinking it's a fresh start x

LadyFanjo Sat 19-Nov-16 22:29:17

I've started planning, got some financial advice, am going to book anappointment with CAB on Monday and I've confided in a RL friend today, which has made me feel so much better.

He's come in from work at stayed upstairs for over 5 hours tonight - not come in to see the girls once.

Last night I pulled him up on his aggression and short temper. I'm hoping that by being direct about his behaviour and attitude he will see what he's doing and I'll stick to my guns about leaving.

I am dreading Christmas but hopefully the New Year will be more positive...

HeavenlyEyes Sat 19-Nov-16 23:54:22

the EntitledTo website is very good - will give you an idea of what you can claim. Plus look at the CMS calculator too if you know his salary.

DonaldStott Sun 20-Nov-16 00:00:28

Good luck lady. You know what you have to do. You don't want you and the dc walking on eggshells to appease a short tempered man. Please believe me, I grew up around this and my mum stayed with my dad until he died of cancer.

Our memories of our dad basically consist of how not to upset him.

My mum, my sisters and my brother.

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