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Well he's left me for the other woman

(40 Posts)
Standingonmytippytoes Fri 18-Nov-16 21:41:42

We had a break up a month ago after he cheated on me there's a post about it somewhere. During this break up he met another woman. We then reconciled for the sake of the Dc's and to give it another go for our own sakes.

He's now decided after being in communication with the other woman that it's not right here he doesn't want to be with me and hasaid gone to stay at the other woman's for the night.

The truly horrible thing is that I am very unwell at the minute and I need his help with the Dc's he's going to be back around here tomorrow morning after being with her. How am I going to get through this I really wanted us to work I never wanted to be a single parent I've been so angry all day.
I don't understand why he had to go to her tonight knowing I needed him for support why did he have to do this now! The stress is unreal. Help me please.

IneedAdinosaurNickname Fri 18-Nov-16 21:47:07

Oh sweetheart sad

You will get through this because you're worth so much more than him.

Would it have been better if he'd stayed and lied to you? It seems like it would now but I promise that one day you'll realise what he's done is best.

I don't think anyone (or hardly anyone) sets out to be a single parent. I certainly didn't. But it's been the most amazing rollercoaster ride being one.

flowerswine and unmumsnetty hugs

KateInKorea Fri 18-Nov-16 21:47:28

I'm sorry that sounds horrendous.

But you are going to be tough, at least on the outside. As Michelle says "when they go low, we go high"

Cut him dead with icy coldness and complete disdain.

Standingonmytippytoes Fri 18-Nov-16 21:51:59

At the minute I do wish he'd stayed and lied. Both our children have disabilities it's going to be so hard for ds to understand. He just sprung this on me.

IneedAdinosaurNickname Fri 18-Nov-16 21:54:37

He's an arse hole.

I really wish I was better with words. They never come out how I want online.

DiegeticMuch Fri 18-Nov-16 22:24:10

So sorry. You're definitely better off out of it though. He's behaved like a scumbag.

Hermonie2016 Fri 18-Nov-16 22:36:13

What weak man! He's taken the easy option.What a fool she must be if she takes in a married man who leaves his wife and 2 children.

It must be so difficult for you as he has quit when the going got tough.Do you have real life support?

Manumission Fri 18-Nov-16 22:37:45

Can you manage without him tomorrow at least?

You need some headspace flowers

clumsyduck Fri 18-Nov-16 22:39:20

I wouldn't even let him back in tommrow the selfish cunt sorry not helpful but angry for you op !!
Please don't let him walk all over you

tallwivglasses Fri 18-Nov-16 23:38:49

Hope things are calm for dc and you. Can someone come round to give you a bit of support tomorrow?

user1471468700 Fri 18-Nov-16 23:50:16

I know you are feeling terrible right now.
But he is a nasty, hideous human being and you do not need him in your life.
Do you have friends and family that can give you some practical support in the short term? Don't be shy to ask for help.
I'm sorry for this shit he's putting you through

user1471468700 Fri 18-Nov-16 23:53:00

Also Hermonie is dead right about the OW. Those 2 vile fuckers deserve each other!

nicenewdusters Sat 19-Nov-16 00:04:19

You say you don't understand how he can do this, and go to her now when you need his support.

It's because he's the kind of man who can cheat on his partner and their 2 children, then cheat again during the break caused by the original infidelity. I think in layman's terms it's called being a complete and utter shit.

Do you have anyone else who can provide any practical support to you tomorrow? I think I'd rather crawl on my hands and knees than let him back into my home.

So sorry that you are going through this.

Italiangreyhound Sat 19-Nov-16 00:20:43

So sorry. He sounds awful. thanks

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 00:41:46

There really isn't anyone else that could provide support for the length of time I need it or could deal with ds all day and put him to bed at night.
I'm pretty much bed ridden. I was told if I get worse I'm to go to a and e.

He's telling me he felt like this for a while that he wouldn't if cheated in the first place if he hadn't of felt this way.
I told him when we got back together not to do this to me again not to just tell me he can't do it and leave.

The other woman seems to think they're soul mates according to her Facebook posts.

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 00:46:00

He'll also accuse me of not letting him see his kids and tbh why should he get out of parental responsibilities. I've been shunting the kids out here there and every where all week while I've been unwell and he's been at work they deserve some time at home.

I begged him to at least stay away from her for the weekend crash on the sofa so I had some time to heal and didn't have to imagine what him and her had been up to the night before. He refused to.

ToujeoQueen Sat 19-Nov-16 00:49:35

So sorry for you op, he's a complete shit flowers

salsmum Sat 19-Nov-16 01:53:06

Please op get in touch with your local careers support group and see what your options are to get emergency respite for your children while you sort out this rotten mess your DH has put you in at least that will give you some breathing space esp if you are ill ATM you have my sincere sympathy I too was a lone parent with a child with SN sadly it's not unusual but there is support out there please when he comes back tomorrow do not show him the desperate situation that he's put you in, treat him as he's treated you with utter indifference. As for her thinking she's found her 'soul mate' no good can ever become of a relationship where you steal a person from another. sadflowers

salsmum Sat 19-Nov-16 01:54:09

Sorry that should have read carers support.

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 02:21:14

Salsmum thank you I honestly never thought to see about emergency respite. But I just couldn't do that to ds he's had enough turmoil unfortunately and I'm ashamed to say he was witness to most of the arguing yesterday I think he needs some tlc from his father.

I can't stop crying around the ex. I'd love to learn how to be cold and indifferent but at the minute I'm grieving I'm just going to stay in bed all day tomorrow anyway so I'll barely see him.

In a week or so I'll be cold as ice.

ddrmum Sat 19-Nov-16 05:10:57

Standing, I'm so sorry this is happening to youflowers Let him look after DC all day & you stay in bed & recuperate. Simply leave him to it. You are unwell, you need to get better and stronger to cope with it all. He has caused massive additional stress to you when you are weak ( he's so brave!!), let him take the strain. It will be hard but you will become seriously ill if you don't put yourself first for now. It's time he stepped up for your DC. I hope you feel better soon - he truly doesn't deserve you.

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 08:40:41

It's because he's the kind of man who can cheat on his partner and their 2 children, then cheat again during the break caused by the original infidelity. I think in layman's terms it's called being a complete and utter shit.

He's here now the guilt must be getting to him because he's being super helpful and I hate him so much for it. I hate that I need his help right now I just wish I was in top form and could tell him to fuck off.

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 08:41:48

nicenewdusters I just keep reminding my self of that.

nicenewdusters Sat 19-Nov-16 09:00:09

Morning OP. Don't think of him as helping you, but of helping the children. I too would hate having to rely on him. And remember, they're his dc just as much as yours, so he's not helping out, he's fulfilling his responsibilities as a parent. Bear this is mind when he starts expecting you to thank him. You don't have to. He should be thanking you for letting him back in to be with them.

Stay in bed, sleep if you can, get well. If you're up to it think about how you're going to get things sorted for your life without this cheating, lying man in it. Number one, smile at the fact that you will be better off without him. Better you know now what he is.

Disengage. Don't share any plans with him. Don't get involved in anything other than practicalities and matters concerning the dc.

A man who tells you he had an affair because you weren't doing the right things/making him happy enough etc is a snake. Justifying himself in this way is unforgiveable, it's so low. If he's found his soul mate, good, he can sod off and cheat on her. If they are matching souls then god help them, two cheating, selfish liars. So yes, a good match.

Try not to show him you're upset. As you say, you need to move to a point where you are indifferent to him. Unfortunately you have to go through all the other stages first; grief, anger, sadness etc. But you will get through. You are in the right, and this will give you strength.

Standingonmytippytoes Sat 19-Nov-16 14:05:40

Afternoon. It's just hard while he's still here he is staying with her but the dcs need him at the minute. He won't have his own place set up for at least a few weeks and I'm worried the other woman is going to want to set up house with him. I'm just getting that vibe. He says he wants his own place but he's easily swayed.

Ds still co sleeps most nights goes to sleep in his own bed then comes into mine he just couldn't handle the confusion of him getting into daddy's bed and another woman than mummy being in it.

I went away for 1 night a month ago and my sister stayed here while ex worked nights and although ds loves his auntie he had an absolute meltdown when he realised it was her and not me in the bed.

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