Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Need help/advice.....

(6 Posts)
Flowerbomb01 Fri 18-Nov-16 12:52:49

OH and I have been together for 8 years & have 3 DC.
I recently had an affair with someone I met at work and both OH and OMs OH have found out. I came clean about everything and basically told him I'm totally fed up with life the way it is, I never tried to put the blame on him but it's the truth, we have a lot of issues in our relationship but on the outside everyone thinks we are this perfect family and basically I'm lucky to have such an 'amazing' OH and I hate it. We decided to have a fresh start and spoke about a lot of things, but tbh he bores me to tears and always has done, hes good looking but has no personality, we've been together since we were teenagers and I feel as if we barely know each other, I do love him but I'm not in love.
My problem is that we split up 2 years into our relationship when we only had 1 child, him and his family made my life hell, they played mind games, and used to talk about me to anyone who would listen, he made everything difficult for me and made sure I had nothing, and it was him that had left, it wasn't as if I had kicked him out and he was desperate for me back and that was why he was doing it. When he found out about the affair he was going to leave and I never argued much but then all the nastiness started straight away, like cancelling all our household bills, sky, contract phones, ect instead of trying to put them into my name, he was going to take both cars and leave me with none, take certain items out the house that we need and it was just a reminder of the way he was the last time we split up and I couldn't face that again it's totally drained the life and soul out of me.
I don't think I want to be with him but I don't think I can cope with the stress and misery he brings me when I'm not with him. Any advice.

Cricrichan Fri 18-Nov-16 14:05:39

Definitely leave. The splitting up of things and hassles are worth it rather than be shackled to a crap relationship for the rest of your life!

Flowerbomb01 Fri 18-Nov-16 14:38:26

Thanks for your reply, I think I used a rubbish thread title and that's why I've no other reply, is there a way to change it my thread title?, anyway your right a want to finish it so much but I just know he will make life so difficult for me again, the last time we split up it was for 9 months and over the months it got worse and worse rather than better, I just can't see a way out, I want a happy and stress free life but I can't seem to see it.

Rosetime Fri 18-Nov-16 16:16:44

Hi, Flowerbomb.
I don't really have much advice, as I have only decided a few days ago to leave DP.. but from your post, I am with Cricrichan.

Don't let the fear of the stress he causes you to hold you ransom to a relationship that's making you quite unhappy. The stress would be for a while..eventually he should..would move on. Best of luck.

Whyiseverynameinuse Fri 18-Nov-16 16:30:18

So sorry to hear this OP. I don't have direct experience of this so hopefully others will come along later who can help. The behaviour of the other family members sounds a abusive to me. Have you thought of speaking to Women's Aid/Refuge or your GP?

In the meantime maybe you could start doing some things to protect yourself when you do split - new bank account, putting some money away, finding a recommended solicitor etc? It sounds like you'll need legal protection with that kind of behaviour around.

Good luck - it's a horrible time and it will be hard but it sounds like you'd be better off without him and I think you know that flowers

Hidingtonothing Fri 18-Nov-16 16:51:47

I think you have to split OP so I would be concentrating on trying to preempt the shitty tricks you know he's going to pull as much as possible. There's probably quite a lot you can do to get yourself into a position where the things you know he's likely to do will hurt or inconvenience you less. Have a list ready of people you will need to call and account numbers etc to change bills over to your name when the time comes, try to put some money on one side to replace things he might take and make sure you have spare keys and documents for your car put safe and the main set of keys in your possession when everything kicks off. In some ways you're in a position of power here, you know the sorts of things he's likely to do so you can prepare for them and they won't catch you off guard like they did last time. You can afford to take some time to put things in place before anything actually happens so use that time wisely and protect yourself as much as you can.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now