I feel so pathetically stupid writing this. I'm a 37 year old grown woman with a mortgage, job and a child FFS but I can't help feeling so upset.
I feel like I have no real friends, I have colleagues that I see out of work occasionally but wouldn't really say they were friends, I couldn't open up to them and tell them how I'm feeling tonight - in fact the only person I have told is DH but he went to sleep shortly asking me if I wanted to talk about it!! So here I sit, phone in hand, babbling, trying to explain why I feel like I do.
I think tonight's thing has made me realise that, actually I don't have any close friendships.
I don't know where to start.
I've known this woman - she's older than me, about 53 - for about 15 years. We met through work and got on instantly, in those years I have supported her 3 times when she split from her DH (same one) the first time he arrived home pissed and punched her in the face, I helped her move her and her 13 year old DS stuff out of their house into her new rented property which was a shit hole. I helped her clean it and decorate it, and gave her advice when she asked when they eventually got back together, broke up etc etc. Then when she was having an affair with a guy I worked with I was her shoulder to cry on when he promised countless times to leave his wife, then let her down at the last minute. I've lost count of the amount of times I've not got home til the wee small hours because we've been sat talking and putting the world to rights. Then when I found out I was pregnant I was the one supporting her again when another relationship went sour. Since my DS was born, our late night chats etc have dwindled and she is now settled with a new partner who is better for her and I am genuinely happy to see her settled and physically & emotionally more healthy that she had been for years. We keep in touch over Facebook mostly, and the odd chat when smoking at coffee time at work. To this day even though our contact is no where near the level it has been, I still counted her as a great friend.
I moved jobs in July, and now am lucky enough to be in a great team with very flexible management, and about 6 weeks ago this lady contacted me asking if there were any vacancies in my team as she was having a bad time. We chatted via text and I suggested we meet the following week for a proper catch up (I was away with DH & DS so couldn't meet that week) and said I would text her to arrange. So the following week I kept to my word and messaged her asking if she was free and what day did she want to meet. She asked for a rain check, as she was applying for a job with the closing date looming. Fine, I said, I'll text you next week. So dutifully the next week I tried again but still she was busy. So I left it with her. Today is a mutual friends birthday, the woman's left a Facebook post for the MF saying happy birthday and they have arranged to meet one day next week, on Facebook, just like that. You see, that's why I feel pathetic - they're friends, they're allowed to meet. Of course they are. But then again, that's why I feel so hurt I have been there for this woman over and over and after attempting to arrange a meeting I'm met with a brick wall and it hurts because I'm obviously not as important to her as I thought I was, or as she is to me.
I feel so pathetic and childish but I'm hurting.
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Lost friendships that were never there in the first place!!
16 replies
MummyWolf79 · 17/11/2016 23:38
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