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What happened when you told the husband/ wife

(437 Posts)
Molly333 Thu 17-Nov-16 23:36:06

Following on from a recent thread in here what happened when those of you told the partner/ husband/wife of the person who was part of the 'affair' ?

BagelDog Fri 18-Nov-16 08:24:22

I got her to tell him. She has since left work, they have moved area, and she isn't all over social media any more.

mrssapphirebright Fri 18-Nov-16 12:05:52

In my situation i was the one who had an affair. My marriage was pretty much over and we had been living as strangers for a long time. OM and I decided that we would come clean as we both couldn't live a lie and wanted to be together (affair went on for 2 months). We agreed we would tell our spouses on the same day, but exdh and I ended up having a massive row the day before and i spilled the beans and came clean. (dh was actually relived i think as he saw an end to our marriage now). But he was angry initially and drove straight round to OM's house and told his wife. OM explained all that evening and left. Next day she turned up at my house banging in the door. My exh tried to get her to go away but she wanted to have it out with me so i came to the door to suck up the rant, only the rant wasn't a rant, she punched me twice and fractured my hand.

My exdh called the police and she was arrested and charged with assault and now has a criminal record and lost her job as a teaching assistant.

That was 6 years ago now. 'OM' and I are now happily married and exdh and i are good friends and co-parent well.

LesisMiserable Fri 18-Nov-16 16:31:12

I cant blame her at all. Its a shame she lost her job but at least she lost her cheating husband as well so not all bad.

Drbint Fri 18-Nov-16 16:58:23

OM and I decided that we would come clean as we both couldn't live a lie

How very noble of you after fucking behind everyone's backs for 2 months hmm.

loobyloo1234 Fri 18-Nov-16 16:59:08

Poor OW. Husband cheats, she's the one that loses her job and gets a criminal record. You sound quite smug about it aswell mrssapphirebright - lets hope he doesn't leave you the way he found you shock

pullingmyhairout1 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:00:56

Drbint bit harsh. Everyone's circumstances are different, and you can never say you would never do something similar.

ocelot7 Fri 18-Nov-16 17:15:45

Harsh indeed & not really contributing to thread.
I've never been in this scenario (on either side) but MNetters' ability to be judgemental constantly amazes me.

BitchQueen90 Fri 18-Nov-16 18:28:17

Well to be honest it does sound like mrssapphire is happy that the ex wife suffered. That's the attitude that grates me personally. It's OK that you were having sex with her husband but she reacts badly to it and she must suffer for all eternity?

DiegeticMuch Fri 18-Nov-16 18:37:49

It's a shame that the teaching assistant lost her job. I hope she has a new job and a decent bloke now.

Underthemoonlight Fri 18-Nov-16 18:41:21

mrssapphire you sound so smug you should of taken the hit instead of having her lose her job as if taking her husband wasn't enough!

Coconutty Fri 18-Nov-16 18:42:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InfiniteSheldon Fri 18-Nov-16 18:46:00

MrsSapphire flowers ignore the judgemental fuckwits thank you for your honesty and she deserved a criminal record for assault.

6demandingchildren Fri 18-Nov-16 18:49:33

I think it goes to show that when people on here say not to confront the ow and point your anger in there way of your cheating partner is right.

Crispsheets Fri 18-Nov-16 18:50:18

You don't know what goes in in a marriage. I hate the automatic assumption that the " OW" is to blame.

SandyY2K Fri 18-Nov-16 18:50:59

Well to be honest it does sound like mrssapphire is happy that the ex wife suffered. That's the attitude that grates me personally.


It's more the attitude coming across as smug than the actual affair.

Underthemoonlight Fri 18-Nov-16 18:53:23

She is extremely smug in her post, she knew her OM had a wife she wasn't bothered in the slightest

foodiefil Fri 18-Nov-16 18:56:17

I didn't pick up on the smugness. I thought you sounded pragmatic.

Affairs happen. They of course hurt like hell and break up families but they happen.

PenguinsandPebbles Fri 18-Nov-16 18:56:43

Not condoning the behaviour of having an affair as it is uttetly disgusting to me I think you should never allow it to get to that point but nobody knows the background.

IMO punching someone in twice and breaking their hand is extreme violence, its not a bit of a shove or a slap in a moment of anger which I think is still not good IMO but wouldn't leave lasting damage to actually break someone's hand that takes some doing, and they did deserve to be prosecuted.

NataliaOsipova Fri 18-Nov-16 18:56:48

I've never been in this scenario (on either side) but MNetters' ability to be judgemental constantly amazes me.

Completely agree with this. When kids are involved and finances are an issue, it's just not that easy for someone to decide they don't want to be with their OH any more and split up "honourably" as MN would have it. The constant "LTB" comments always amaze me as well - if you have kids, you really need a lot of money to be able to do that on a whim.

PenguinsandPebbles Fri 18-Nov-16 18:58:38

And also whilst samphire knew the OM had a wife, it was actually the OM who did the cheating on his wife not samphire. I agree it sounds pragmatic not smug.

milkshakeandmonstermunch Fri 18-Nov-16 18:59:18

Agreed. Also, you robbed this woman of being told by her own (D)H because you didn't stick to the plan!! Instead she had your ex show up and tell her and he probably didn't break the news gently.

BitchQueen90 Fri 18-Nov-16 19:03:02

penguins don't underestimate the mental and emotional suffering finding out your partner is having an affair can cause. People have suffered extreme depression and even committed suicide in situations like that.

Yes, physical violence is wrong. But affairs can be incredibly emotionally damaging and that is just as bad.

NovemberInDailyFailLand Fri 18-Nov-16 19:05:01

I don't know the person my husband had a ons with. I was pregnant when I found out, though, and definitely couldn't guarantee confronting them if I had been able to do that.

LightsLoveLaughter Fri 18-Nov-16 19:06:04

To this day, I don't actually know who the OW was and I really wish I did know so I could stop wondering if it was one of my friends at the time.

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