Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Splitting up the kids ?

(265 Posts)
Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 09:34:36

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.
We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.
I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

If you can afford to buy a flat for your DD why don't you just sell your place and move somewhere with more room or extend the property you are in.

Buying a flat for a 16 year old is a bit extreme, my DS is 14 and there's no way in 2 years time he will be self sufficient. Sounds like you've just had enough and are looking for an easy way out. Teenagers are hard work sometimes, you just got to weather the storm so to speak, I really don't think shipping them off is the answer.

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:23:04

I rent currently and the jump to the next stage up in rent is the same as the mortgage is on a 2 bed flat. I have had enough their behaviour is disgusting at times. I've told the eldest of its repeated I'll have yo call the police, she doesn't care

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 10:23:42

Can you all sit down and have a family meeting about this?
Don't mention buying a flat as yet, see what solutions everyone comes up with.
There may be an easier solution, like buying your useless 'D'H a flat and shipping him off there, leaving you with the DC in the house where peace can reign???

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:24:38

I actually think the older one would be happier in her own place, she only speaks to us to pick fights tbh anyway

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 10:25:19

So if she doesn't care about the treat of police to you think she will respect a flat that you just give her to get her out of the way???

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:26:23

I'm divorced, sorry should have said ... Useless Ex just shit stirs the situation basically pours fuel on the fire between DD1 and 3
God the meetings we've had, the crying, the conversations about how frankly they should be choosing to be happy but they are wearing each other down

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:27:03

Hells I don't care what she does to the flat, it'll be her space if she wants to live like a pug it's her space

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 10:31:53

So you will still need to rent and also have a mortgage on a 2 bed flat.
Can you afford both?
If you think it's a viable option, then you know your DC best. then go for it.
Don't forget you'll need to furnish it etc...

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:34:57

I never quite know what to do for the best these days. I have a stressed 12 and 6 year old who at times are terrorised in their own home by the eldest. The eldest who just wants the younger ones to fuck off and leave her alone basically. Middle one is just doing her own thing, I'm tearing my hair out in the middle. Every time I post that I'll be supportive and just make decisions and they'll all have to suck it up about moving to somewhere we can all afford to live together and have enough space I get called a controlling bitchy pschyo who's kids will hate her because at 16/18 they will be adults apparently, but not when it comes to me wanting a peaceful life, then they are my kids and I have to weather the storm. It's so depressing this stage

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:35:41

Yeah I can afford both

liquidrevolution Thu 17-Nov-16 10:37:27

Cant your ex take the eldest?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 10:37:29

Oh yeah - on here you will be in a lose/lose situation.
Have a chat with the 16 YO and see where it takes you with the suggestion of a flat close by.
Might be best for all of you!

Artandco Thu 17-Nov-16 10:39:20

I found you can afford rent and mortgage I would just rent a larger place.

No way would I let a 16 year old who acts like that get something she would really like! You will have even less influence on her then

Just rent a bigger place, she's 16, if she really is as bad as you say just get here to leave and find her own feet (not in a flat you pay for)

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:42:10

I can't spend £1800 a month on rent, I just can't .... Money down the drain and the reason why so many women of my age will be in a bloody bedsit at 50 because they pissed all the money away trying to keep everyone else happy

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:43:28

Ex won't take any of them. He has the younger ones eow in a hotel ... That's how organised and sorted he is 3.5 years post split.
I don't mind not a ing influence tbh, she's a smart girl just a nightmare to live with

Artandco Thu 17-Nov-16 10:49:53

It's hardly pissing money away if your using it. A home is used every day

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:52:36

It is pudding money away, really you'd be happy to see £650 a month vanish and get nothing to show for it ? And for how long exactly because nobody would want to move would they so I'd be looking at st least 4 years .... £31000 as a single mum gone ... All because of a grumpy teen

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 10:54:43

The point is they already have a home, it's not like they don't but because one person is being difficult I'm not prepared to waste money we both worked hard for when it could go into an asset that frankly she can keep. £31,000 is 25% of the total mortgage paid off after three years. Makes far more sense I think

But how would she be able the upkeep of it? Where's her incentive to pull her shit together if she's being a pain in the arse and then getting rewarded by having her own place bought for her. If she's that much of a mare surely you need to have a firm talk with her and tell her if shes doesn't stop with the attitude or whatever she's out the door and she will have to look after herself. She will not learn a thing if everything is handed to her.

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 11:02:53

You're right of course.
The up keep won't be much tbh v's the cost of the size of house we used to have it'll work out roughly the same. She'll have to get a part time job which she's keen to do anyway to cover some bits and bobs.
I've done the firm talk. Last time she belted her sister at 8pm at night I said what do you think I should do now ? She screamed throw me out walked off ... For miles and then texted me, you can explain yourself to the school in the morning lol like is done something wrong

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 11:05:15

Like I'd done something wrong I meant.
The last thing I want to do is chuck her out, in all honesty my other option is basically to force ex to take the other 3 but the only way that would happen would be pretty much if I moved house whilst he's looking after them and refused to take them back, he'd have to get himself a flat or house or something but then of course that would guck with their little heads because he'd tell them I don't want them

Namechangermagic Thu 17-Nov-16 11:08:39

Well then kick her out put her in a hostel, room share. Get social services to take her. But don't buy her a flat she'd never be able to upkeep it. Or maybe just give her some space get the younger children to leave her alone.

Pisssssedofff Thu 17-Nov-16 11:09:55

She has her own bedroom, can't give her any more space.
Why would a hostel full of god knows who or SS be better than her own place ? I don't understand sorry ?

You say the upkeep wont be much but mortgage aside bring the council tax, utilities etc into play it all adds up.

I dunno, maybe it's time to get tough. Ground her, take phone etc off her, hit her where it hurts. If she wants to go tell her to go but that you will not be funding it. Tough love I believe it's called. My sister was a bloody nighmare at that age, ran rings round my parents - she will come through it I'm sure, you've just got to do damage limitation in the mean time and not pander to her too much.....and make sure you drink plenty of wine to get you through it lol.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now