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What now?

(19 Posts)
fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 07:22:16

Ok.... so he moved out behind my back. Not contacted me ever since and befriends weird girls on facebook (they show up on my feed). Not really want to discuss the reasons as this may out me as there are a lot of my friends on MN

I am heartbroken. There's no way back & I will miss him terribly.... it's been more than 8 years together, we were about to get married next year, also half of the wedding already paid. By me....

TheNaze73 Thu 17-Nov-16 07:49:40

I think without the circumstances (which I understand however, why you wouldn't want to divulge) it's difficult to get any context.
From what you have written, he's so not interested in marrying you.
I'd be acting & thinking single now & shelving off all wedding plans

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 08:35:24

How do you move past such a terrible heartbreak?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 09:00:06

Time - that's how.
It's hard and it's horrible.
You are heartbroken and it hurts massively.
But you need to look after yourself and give yourself time to get over this.
You won't, however, get over it if you are still looking at his social media.
Block him from all social media right now.
In doing what you are doing you are basically just torturing yourself.
Don't do that to yourself.
Keep yourself as busy as possible.
Go out with friends, visit family, join a gym, join some local groups and make new friends.
Your family and friends will help you through all of this.
I'm so sorry it's happened to you.
He's a coward, not discussing things with you but he's gone.
Time for you now.
Keep hydrated and keep your sugar levels up.

SandyY2K Thu 17-Nov-16 09:18:13

we were about to get married next year, also half of the wedding already paid. By me....

Why only by you?

Sounds like he knew the wedding wasn't going to happen and was too spineless to talk to you.

8 years is a long time to invest in a relationship, but although you won't think so now, you're better off without a man who doesn't have the balls to deal with it like an adult.

Instead he's snuk away like a wanted man. After 8 years he couldn't even be honest and show you the respect you deserve.

I suggest you block him on FB and keep reminding yourself that a decent man wouldn't treat you this way.

You have one life. He's moved on to whatever he has, so don't let him define your future happiness.

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 12:29:38

Your replies are much appreciated. I feel like my whole world has shattered. Will I ever be able to move on? Probably... but now it looks so dark

Dudette29 Thu 17-Nov-16 13:47:25

My fairy tale has gone too fairy. Split up with my ex a couple of months ago after he threw me out of his house. Wedding booked for next year, and like you I had made most of the payments. Feel like I was led down a path which didn't lead to anywhere, and I'm still so sad. I keep reading that time heals everything, and although things are looking a bit brighter I'm dreading the date of the hen do/wedding coming round. We are so much better off without these sad excuses for men - it's their loss and only our gain! Stay strong and look after yourself x

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 13:57:24

Will I ever be able to move on?
You will indeed but you won't see any light at the end of the tunnel for a while yet.
So many of us have had very long term relationships breakdown.
It feels hopeless at the moment.
But it won't stay that way.
We are here as testament to that!
After 15 years my ExH cheated.
It's like someone rips your heart out, tears into a million pieces, then stamps all over it, hands it back to you and then you have to try to repair the damage.
It's not easy. But you WILL do it. I promise!

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 14:50:12

Dudette29- you have made my day. Thanks for the sparkle of light you have brought. I can't cry though. I wish I could cry until my eyes burn. I can't....

Has he contacted you ever since? Probably the answer is no...

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 14:52:45

Hellsbells- thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me. It heals me inside. It's so so so so heartbreaking. I thought he loved me enough to come back saying that. He loved me enough to say I am sorry, I don't want to be without you....

Apparently not. And I am 28, all alone and with no hope

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 14:53:45

Dudette- have you been able to get any money back? This is the last thing on my mind but it's more than £2000, I could maybe do something nice for myself...

hellsbellsmelons Thu 17-Nov-16 15:27:56

You are young.
A mere spring chicken.
You have your whole life ahead of you now.
You can do what ever you want to.
Travel?
Work abroad?
Re-train?
The world is your oyster.
Grab all the opportunities you can while you are young and make your life what you want.

fairytaleisgone Thu 17-Nov-16 16:38:36

Hellsbells- thanks a lot for everything you said.
You're a kind person. Everyone is pissed off at him, but especially my mom who swore she'll never accept him again. He treated him like her own child... how disappointing this must be for her...

category12 Thu 17-Nov-16 16:47:52

Defriend and block him on social media. It's awful, but you will come through and eventually think it's a bullet dodged. Better things lie ahead for you.

Dudette29 Thu 17-Nov-16 21:05:57

Nope, not got any money back unfortunately. All non refundable :-( and as much as I'd like to never have to speak to him again we have a child so that's a bit difficult. The tears will come in time. I was in shock at first, felt numb. Then anger at how he could do this to us and been on a roller coaster of emotions pretty much ever since. I have good days and bad days. Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. I found getting out in the fresh air each day helped too and went for a walk. I'm pretty sure in a decades time we'll be glad we realised it wasn't right before we married. Save a whole lot more heartache further down the line when things are more complicated x

Ofalltheginjoints Thu 17-Nov-16 22:05:58

You will move on from it and look back and think what a lucky escape you had.

Different situation but I split with my fiancé a year before our wedding after he cheated on me, most things were paid for and I couldn't face speaking to suppliers so my parents did and they did get some money back due to the length of time involved.

I was 22 at the time and utterly heartbroken my ex and I were living in different countries at the time due to his work and my uni, so for a long time there was no closure items were exchanged via extended family members and I'm not going to lie there was a lot of bitterness involved.
I deleted him off all social media and if we did need to communicate it was very briefly via email. That went on for about 15 months and then we met when he came back to the UK at Christmas to see his family, frankly it was a huge mistake I felt utterly sick and I wish we hadn't met, neither of us found it easy.
Occasionally he will get in touch via email usually around my birthday but once when I was on holiday (my "friend" let him know that I was gerographically close to him) but also sent me an email when I moved in with DP saying he missed us etc 7yeara after our wedding should've happened!

The date the wedding should've been was sad in a what could've been way but I arranged something I'd always wanted to do on that date

Time has made it a very lucky escape and I honestly look back on it in that way good luck (sorry this is a huge post)

fairytaleisgone Fri 18-Nov-16 04:50:17

Category12- I hope you are right and I hope time does heal everything...

Dudette- you are absolutely right. What a mess life is sometimes... it takes ages to build your world, you think you have it then it shatters ...

Gin- your "huge post" has been much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time... yours was such a painful situation, but he was away thankfully. He lives so close now and we live in such a small city... oh God. As I said, I just wish I could cry. I can't...

HurricaneSwallows Fri 18-Nov-16 05:49:44

My mum always told me what's for you won't pass you by.

It's God awful, I've been there.

I'm happy just over 2 years later and have been since I met my DP 1.5 years ago. It took a lot of time even when we met to let it all go. But honestly now I wouldn't give exP a second thought. ( we do a a DC together though so it made the process a lot longer).

You will get there OP, One day at a time when you are feeling like thisflowers

hellsbellsmelons Fri 18-Nov-16 08:55:33

The tears will come once the adrenalin leaves.
And they won't stop for an age!
You'll be amazed how many tears your body can create.
You are basically grieving.
There are different stages of grief so be prepared for the loss/crying stage.
You will get there.
Give it time, lots of time!

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