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Am i over thinking things?

(26 Posts)
tink1234 Wed 16-Nov-16 13:34:19

Hi all...right so I’m here because I need some advice... I have been dating this guy for 4 months now, we are both single parents. He is very caring, kind respects me and gives me a lot of time, we speak at least 4 times a day, and mind you I don't call, he does. I hardly make one or two calls or call him back if I’ve missed his calls. So we are always in communication which he knows from day one is very important to me.
However, this weekend he went away on a holiday for 2 weeks mon and dad after 12 years. We have hardly spoken. He called me yesterday for 5 mins and that was it.
I feel abandoned and I didn't expect him to disappear from the face of earth. It only takes a minute to text and im not asking for constant updates. I thought of texting him about how I feel but I’m not needy and I don't want to ruin his holiday - this time apart could be healthy for both of us, but I can’t help but feel abandoned and maybe he is losing interest in us?! Am I being paranoid?! I don’t know what’s going on to be honest. Should I address it or just let it be and see how things go?!

Giselaw Wed 16-Nov-16 13:41:25

it sounds extremely over the top as an outsider, but I understand how this is normal in your relationship. Is he abroad? Did you address the lack of daily texts in your 5 min conversation? Is he still posting on social media? Personally, I turn off my mobile roaming abroad, so I upload holiday photos to FB or email to grandparents and check emails in evenings. I don't text at all on holidays.

tink1234 Wed 16-Nov-16 13:53:58

No I didn't address anything. It would look like I'm being a drama queen.

TheNaze73 Wed 16-Nov-16 14:00:05

In a word, to your original question "Yes"

As Giselaw said it all seems incredibly OTT however, if that's what you need, you should tell him.

Remember, nothing grows in shadows. Give him some space. This level of interaction is unsustainable to move people

TheNaze73 Wed 16-Nov-16 14:00:30

Most not move

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 10:47:54

True...I guess this holiday was indeed a good idea...gave me a bit of thinking time and see things from a different perspective. Thanks for your messages smile

LesisMiserable Thu 17-Nov-16 12:03:56

Massively overthinking. Also, odd that you value communication so much yet wont contact him or ring him back when he calls, whats that about?

ZoFloMoFo Thu 17-Nov-16 12:11:02

So communication is very important to you - as long as it's him putting in all the effort?

Speaking on the phone at least 4 times a day is completely unsustainable long term. And if he's abroad it'll cost him a fortune.

Chill out a bit. Or call him/text him yourself rather than waiting for him.

Cricrichan Thu 17-Nov-16 12:20:20

Is he abroad? With his child? It can be very expensive phoning from abroad . Also, he might want to just concentrate on his child during these 2 weeks.

ocelot7 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:27:35

Speaking 4 times a day seems OTT to me - & wouldn't have the time or inclination! - do either of you work?
I am in a newish relationship too (^ months) & how much we communicate partly depends what we are doing & how busy we are at work - sometimes some whatsapp exchanges during the day but some days not. In principal we chat by phone last thing at night when we are not together but that is not always possible & I'm cool with that.
You do sound rather anxious & needing that level of reassurance is not healthy for you
I also wonder why you don't ring him - are you following some 'rules'?

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:29:50

No, his child is here with his ex.

ocelot7 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:34:58

If he is long haul abroad it is likely phonecalls are extremely expensive. And if he hasn't visited for 12 years it is probably very full on for him plus caught up visiting extended family etc

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 17-Nov-16 12:37:32

Also, odd that you value communication so much yet wont contact him or ring him back when he calls, whats that about?

^^this.

Seems a very odd way to carry on in a relationship. Is it important to you that he is chasing for your attention?

It must be very confusing for him to understand that he must maintain contact at all times and you never do. Then when he doesn't it makes you unhappy. Why does he need to do all the work at communicating?

I don't think I'd enjoy doing that at all if I were him.

My DP and i are in contact everyday on whatsapp. But on holiday abroad we maintain a "message me when you can" stance taking into account day trips, time differences, dinner timings in resorts and wifi accessibility. And the fact that you are vacationing from daily life.

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:40:38

Responding to all your messages -

I did send him a message yesterday and he replied after 8 hours saying he had no internet access, but he has been on facebook posting stuff - I wasn't stalking him, it appears on the news feed. So I thought i'll let him be and wait for him to contact me now.

We both work, he is very communicative, he likes talking and so do I, so he will call as and when he can throughout the day even if it is just for 2 mins. That is why I am finding the silence weird. I do ring him, not always, but I do, but mostly its him who initiates the conversations.

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:43:17

I do make an effort to call him and text him when hes here but he calls more than I do. Hes not a very good texter, so he would rather pick up the phone.

LesisMiserable Thu 17-Nov-16 12:43:48

You seem at pains to point out you're not stalking or needy. Actions speak louder than words. Keep busy while he's away and enjoy him when he gets home.

LesisMiserable Thu 17-Nov-16 12:44:55

Also from your last post obviously he's not going to be phoning you then from his hols, relax.

ocelot7 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:45:01

I hope you have some things planned for while he's away - seeing friends, films, sport etc That way you can recude the likelihood of overthinking & the time passes quickly - my DP is away for the w/end with his kids & I've taken that as an opportunity to catch up with people I haven't seen for a while

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:49:49

Thanks guys!

Appreciate your posts smile

Yes, I have actually been able to catch up with my friends, made plans and catching up on some much needed sleep! Distance isn't so bad, after all smile

I will relax and let him enjoy his time....smile

Sparkesx Thu 17-Nov-16 14:38:40

Were in a similar situation!

I've been in a relationship with OH for four months. We've been inseparable since we first started seeing each other... some think it's too soon but it works for us and we're very into each other which is nice.

He has gone to Thailand for two weeks and I feel a little uneasy that things may change when he comes back. We haven't spoken much, which is fine, he's on holiday. Don't think too much into it. Don't text him, just let him relax. See what happens when he's back.

I'm over thinking too though lol!

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 17-Nov-16 14:54:09

Perhaps his parents don't know fully about you and the seriousness of the relationship and he is playing it a bit cool?

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 14:59:17

Thanks Sparkesx! Yes I'm not going to text him anymore I'll just let it be not going to think about all this anymore I'm going to keep busy and enjoy me time... and see how things go when he gets back. If things change it's his loss anyway lol! smile

Sparkesx Thu 17-Nov-16 15:23:26

Hard though isn't it when all you want to do is message them? Two weeks feels like forever blush keep yourself busy!

HotNatured Thu 17-Nov-16 15:48:29

When you say 'is he losing interest in us' what do you mean by 'us'?

tink1234 Thu 17-Nov-16 16:46:32

I meant in me.

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