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Birthday. Is it over?

(171 Posts)
AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:41:24

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

Shayelle Tue 15-Nov-16 19:44:30

Did he ask you out to dinner for your birthday?

user1478353766 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:45:39

He might not have realised that you were lying about getting you a present, but he should have at least got you a card. Paying for dinner would have been the least he could have done

Shayelle Tue 15-Nov-16 19:47:29

He perhaps sees this as something way more casual than you do?

RaeSkywalker Tue 15-Nov-16 19:48:27

I don't think it's necessarily over, you could just have different expectations about how to behave for birthdays. I'm more worried that he's not trying to understand your POV.

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:48:36

That's what I thought Shay and I can't help feeling gutted.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:03

After a couple of months I'd have been more suspicio of ott gifts and twee cards and declarations of love

You told him not to get you anything, so he didn't. Maybe he got the impression birthdays aren't a big deal to you?

Raines100 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:13

He's not a keeper, OP.

tiej Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:27

He sounds like a tight git to me.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 15-Nov-16 19:49:56

Suspicious - I've no idea what suspicio even is but my phone likes it!

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:50:26

Rae he wants me to explain my POV but I can't find the words without sounding grabby.

Shayelle Tue 15-Nov-16 19:52:13

Did he invite you AtSea ir did you invite him? If he didnt even invite you or suggest anything at all it would be disappointing. Is he nice/kind/generous at other times?

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:56:59

He's nice and quite generous at other times. It was his idea to go out, I suggested a few ideas and he chose dinner, it was quite expensive so I offered to go halves assuming he had got me a gift and the dinner wasn't his treat to me.

Offred Tue 15-Nov-16 19:57:12

So he did exactly what you asked for and isn't a mind reader and now you are pissed off?!

hmm

tigerdriverII Tue 15-Nov-16 19:57:29

Well some people me don't put much store on adults' birthdays. And I think that you made a mistake saying that you didn't want anything - that's easy to misread.

If he's generally nice and you get on well, why would it be over?

UnicornPee Tue 15-Nov-16 19:57:39

This is where I differ from most girls.
I literally couldn't give a shit about my own birthday or receiving gifts. I would not be bothered one bit. Plus you told him not to get you anything.
Most men are useless at present ideas. And at only a few months together he hardly knows you.

MatildaTheCat Tue 15-Nov-16 19:58:04

I would just explain that you feel he made no effort at all. A card is almost no effort. Dinner is ok but hardly a big deal if you went halves. Most people appreciate some sort of gesture for their birthday and I'd be wary that he's either tight or lazy. Maybe both.

CocoLoco87 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:58:24

My DH did this the first birthday we were together. I said don't worry about getting me anything so he didnt! No card etc. He did take me out that evening after I cried at him because I was so disappointed.

We had a frank discussion where we agreed that from that point on we only say what we mean!

Just say you didn't realise he'd take you so literally and that a card would have been nice. He's not a mind reader. Don't worry about sounding grabby - if he really likes you then he won't take it the wrong way.

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 20:00:46

I just see it as a sign that he doesn't give a shit

coolaschmoola Tue 15-Nov-16 20:01:11

You told him not to get you a present - but you are upset he didn't because you really wanted him to....

You offered to pay half - but you are upset that he agreed with YOUR suggestion...

You are complaining that someone did what you said/suggested - sheesh. What DO you want?!

Hassled Tue 15-Nov-16 20:02:09

You have to be a particular sort of idiot to think that when it's the birthday of the person you're dating, you don't get her a card or a present and then you go halves on the meal out. I mean no-one would really think that's normal, would they? So either he lacks any sort of empathy or understanding of social norms, or he does understand but doesn't care.

coolaschmoola Tue 15-Nov-16 20:02:26

What you are doing is sending mixed signals at best and playing games at worst...

Yet you think HE is at fault?!

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 20:02:52

Ha I wanted a fuss! Yes I sound 7, I know.

AtSea1979 Tue 15-Nov-16 20:05:06

I'm not playing games, I like him but I'm a bit hurt he didn't get me a card

loveyoutothemoon Tue 15-Nov-16 20:05:33

You had to pay half?! Tight sod. And no card, not a good sign....

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