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Tips to improve sex life and generally add romance?

(49 Posts)
SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 19:29:44

Have been with DH for over 10 years. 2 DCs 6 and 3 and feel as if I am coming out of the 'fog' of young children a bit. I have felt much more interested in sex lately, probably as less tired and a bit of time to myself. I am sure our sex life could be better; I know he is up for more sex too.

We have fallen into the common trap of lots of bickering and not much affection and being very 'businesslike'. We have started having more sex but I often find it hard to ask for what I want and he is a bit rubbish at communicating too. I guess this ramble is about how to get a bit more passion?! Both in and out of the bedroom.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Tue 15-Nov-16 19:38:23

I always think pretty lingerie or, ahem, sex clothes, does the trick. Makes it feel more special. Ann Summers do some really lovely stuff now, classy and for every figure. Have a look and see if there's anything that takes your fancy?

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 19:43:48

Actually yes my underwear drawer is full of greying, horrible stuff and I'm lucky if it matches! May need to buy myself some nice stuff - have neglected that massively of late!

Happybunny19 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:57:20

Flirt. This gets forgotten easily when you've been together ages and parenting gets in the way, but I've recently found flirting with my oh again and it's enhanced things considerably. Text messaging throughout the day works as a great build up and we're often gagging for the kids to get to bed. It feels like it did at the start and we've been together 22 years. It's also got us communicating much better and the sex is better than ever, as we're making quality time for one another.

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 20:08:49

Think I have forgotten what flirting is! Will try to remember. I find it so hard to talk about sex with him (and anyone in real life) which is ridiculous as he has seen me give birth to two babies so there should be no inihibitions.

Sex being better than ever sounds good. We are having more and it is better but I think if I could relax a bit more it could be fab.

Think I might need to figure out what I like myself in that respect first but not sure where to start blush.

MissSynful Tue 15-Nov-16 20:09:21

if money and babysitters are possible, then a night/weekend away in a hotel. Just the thought of uninterrupted sex was a game changer for us grin. Wine, dine and you know the rest!

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 20:13:34

I am gagging for it a lot recently which is so unlike me. It's on my mind constantly confused.

Night away sounds a great idea - not a possibility until next year due to babysitters mainly but is a definite option for the future.

HuskyLover1 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:01:47

Hmm, this is a bit off the wall, but could I recommend a Lay-Z-Spa. They are great. Cost around £280 and upwards. We've got the Paris, that lights up and 7 colours. When the kids are in bed, you can slip into hot bubbles with a glass bottle each of Prosecco. We got ours this summer. We call it the "Hot Tub time machine", because we get in saying we will just go in for 30 mins, and 2 hours later we are still in it! We talk, talk, talk, put the bubbles on, then off, then on again. It also leads to some bikini/swim shorts cuddling & kissing. Everyone that we know who has one, says that it has had a positive affect on their relationship.

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 21:12:46

That is off the wall but sounds amazing! May need a cheaper alternative though am tempted to save up grin.

HuskyLover1 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:21:09

It IS amazing! You could get one second hand? Seriously, skin on skin, bubbles, some wine, and talking.....can SO recommend!

justdontevenfuckingstart Tue 15-Nov-16 21:24:37

Bit of texting? What you up to have been thinking about you...............

RainbowBriteRules Tue 15-Nov-16 21:25:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockyBird Tue 15-Nov-16 21:33:26

I don't think you need to buy spas, undies or weekends away ... although these all sound good.

Try to move away from the businesslike talk and have a laugh with him about the stuff that makes the pair of you giggle.

DH's car reads texts received out loud in a woman's voice so I send him silly or saucy stuff to make him laugh. Stupid things like that.

If you're getting on well in general the sex should be good too.

If you're both up for it that's half the battle.

All the best.

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 21:38:30

Thanks all, think we are definitely too businesslike. Don't laugh enough at all together. Do you tend to talk about sex or just get down to it a bit more?! Am clueless about this all and feel ridiculously shy about texting etc.

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 21:41:10

E.g. I am very tempted to jump him now and tell him exactly what I'd like him to do to me blush but somehow seem to have a mental block about it confused as is so different from my normal behaviour!

RockyBird Tue 15-Nov-16 21:43:32

That's what to do. Just go for it.

Funko Tue 15-Nov-16 21:44:56

Do it, give him a shock and a thrill 😄

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 21:47:13

Ugh, he is asleep!! Maybe tomorrow night...

Funko Tue 15-Nov-16 21:51:42

Wake him the fuck up!! 😂

HuskyLover1 Tue 15-Nov-16 21:59:51

I know how hard this is. In your shoes right now, I'd put a sexy nighty on and just crawl in to bed and spoon him. Then I'd be a bit "restless" hoping he'd respond. If he didn't, I'd just jump him. :-)

YetAnotherGuy Tue 15-Nov-16 22:11:28

What a refreshing change this thread is!

Four ideas spring to mind. Won't cost the earth

1 Show your DH a reasonably priced lingerie site like LoveHoney and ask him to choose at least 5 items he would iike you to wear in bed. You then read the reviews and choose what you would like and get the right size. This sort of thing is designed to be left either fully or partially on. Trust me - we want to worship our women

2 Then ask him which positions he would like. Choose what appeals to you. If you like dirty talk, ask for that. We men need to have things spelt out. Perhaps you could find a book - and say "have a look at page 54". Or show him a website. Could be less embarrassing thsi way

3 Book a room in a Premier Inn which have nice big firm beds which work well.I think it was Julio Iglesias who said a firm bed was essential. And he was a man who knew about these things ...

4 Give some encouragement and praise - will work wonders

SecretMagicThings Tue 15-Nov-16 22:15:16

He is properly asleep smile. Will make an effort tomorrow night and might have to drag out my vibrator tonight instead again.Don't know why I am so self conscious. Might be better at the romance side of things than the sex side!

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Wed 16-Nov-16 00:48:40

I think that the more sex you have, the closer you feel, so you have more sex, so you feel closer... And so on!

You might find that once the sex picks up, so will your communication.

SecretMagicThings Wed 16-Nov-16 02:07:46

Olivia fingers crossed! It's just getting over that hurdle of having more sex without feeling self conscious in the first place I guess.

TheNaze73 Wed 16-Nov-16 07:57:34

Give him a "special alarm wake up" in the morning. Testosterone is at its highest in most men in the morning & after that start to the day, he'll be ordering you Jimmy Choo's by lunchtime wink

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