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Been dumped by a total arsehole

(24 Posts)
rebeccas9 Tue 15-Nov-16 17:22:44

So I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, it was one of those relationships where you get on really well instantly and we did everything together. After about a year I learnt that he had a massive problem with smoking weed, I have no idea how he kept it from me for so long but he did. It got to the point where he was doing it all day every day and was quitting jobs etc. I was funding everything we ever did. We eventually broke up because I found out he had sold some of my stuff (we lived together and it went missing). He had sold things like my Ipod docking station and christmas presents I had bought him, some of my money.

A year after that we stupidly got back together (my idea) and things seemed a bit better but he ended up leaving me for a girl he met through work.

A year after that he gets in touch with me, probably around 6 weeks ago now and about 6 weeks after he broke up with that girl, saying he's sorry for being a dick and wants to change his life and be a better person. How he's sick of living the way he does and wants nothing more than to make it work with me. He's finally realised what he wants in life after being with someone else, and we have such a special bond and all that bullshit.

I fell for it. We've been seeing eachother quite a bit and I realised nothing has changed at all, infact he's probably worse. I discovered weed plants growing in his flat, he's not got a job, he's covered in weird marks that he claims are from splinters but to me he could be on other drugs I have no idea.

He's from a completely different world to me, I've never even tried a cigarette, I don't drink and I own my own home. He has bugger all and lives in a complete dump.

So tonight he's messaged me saying he's not ready for a relationship and it's over. I'm not particularly upset that it's over, I'm more upset that I've actually fallen for this bullshit again. How could I be so fucking stupid? I don't understand why people go to such effort to pretend they are something they're not.

I know I've been a total dick here but at one point I was so in love with him, and it's hard to resist the thought of him actually turning into a decent person. Clearly he's not though.

Just a rant sad

Wonkydonkey44 Tue 15-Nov-16 17:32:24

Delete his number and block him you've had a lucky escape x

Classybird36 Tue 15-Nov-16 17:33:44

Oh Hun, don't beat yourself up! You have dodged a MASSIVE bullet there. Call your friends, grab some fizz and toast a very near miss smile xxx

Angleshades Tue 15-Nov-16 17:35:20

Don't waste anymore headspace on this poor excuse for a man. Be thankful that he's now out of your life and start planning how best to live your life without him in it. It doesn't feel like it right now but he has done you a massive favour.

Fill your life with friends, nights/days/weekends out and within a couple of months you'll be thinking about him less and less.

Don't go back to him again.

Soozikinzi Tue 15-Nov-16 17:37:33

Sounds like a very lucky escape and he is using you .Delete every thing and move on xx

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 15-Nov-16 17:44:35

You are not a dick. You are kind of weird though. I mean, you kept getting back with him in the hope he had had a personality transplant! What's going on with that?

zippey Tue 15-Nov-16 17:48:13

Maybe have a think about what is lacking in your self esteem to keep falling for this guy. You can do so much better. Time to leave it behind.

MargotMoon Tue 15-Nov-16 17:56:13

You are a bit of a dick but that's OK, we've all been there (well, I have blush). Just as long as you now learn from that mistake and remember how he's made you feel next time he comes crawling back. Text him 'good riddance, dickhead' and call on some good friends to help you make sense of it all and move on with your life. Onwards and upwards!

OurBlanche Tue 15-Nov-16 18:03:31

Yes, you are a dick! A Total Dick! An Utter Dick!

And now you know, you can stop!

If you want to save something, set up a goalpost and invite some mates round smile

QuiteLikely5 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:05:27

He was only using you. Drugs are his first priority and that's that.

Set your standards higher in the future and ban this twit from your life.

Threecherries Tue 15-Nov-16 18:05:38

Being dumped by an arsehole is never something to be too sad about wink

rebeccas9 Tue 15-Nov-16 18:13:28

Thanks everyone. I'm more just disappointed in myself for falling for it again, earlier this year was the first time I felt genuinely over him and I don't know why I let myself get sucked back in.

Classybird36 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:15:05

You were probably bored - it happens smile just don't let it happen again! Xxx here, have a glass wine

willywonka69 Tue 15-Nov-16 19:25:33

And do get an std full check up asap. Hope to god he has not been injecting hence the "splinter marks" !!

goddessofsmallthings Tue 15-Nov-16 21:51:48

Crack open the Bolly, shout 'Hallelujah', and share a glass with your guardian angel halo

Now that you're shot of this lowlife loser, raise your bar and make damn sure that your next lover has no need to 'turn into a decent person' because he is a true gentleman, by nature as well as inclination.

BerlinerBelle Tue 15-Nov-16 22:15:58

I agree that you should be celebrating and pleased he did your dirty work for you.

But I do think you need to sit down and spend a little while looking at your attitude to men/relationships. He treated you like a douchebag and you took him back twice! I'm not trying to make you feel bad (God knows I've probably done worse) - but maybe try and work out why you are prepared to take a man like that back.

What is it you want from a relationship? What is non-negotiable? What are the three most important qualities you want in a man. I know it might sound a bit simple - but you seem to have wandered far off the path - anyway congratulations on losing the loser. flowers

HellonHeels Tue 15-Nov-16 22:27:48

Lucky escape! Do you think you have a tendency to want to "save" people?

Bunkai Wed 16-Nov-16 10:43:44

You're beating yourself up because you know you shouldn't have fallen for his bull. Which means you're learning about your own boundaries and what is and isn't suitable for you.

Stop doing the beating up as you're out of this unsuitable relationship. I know others have mentioned the freedom programme but not done that myself. Check out Matthew Hussey's you tube videos. He's a dating coach. Though I've learnt a lot about developing boundaries from these too.

Onwards and upwards OP!

pictish Wed 16-Nov-16 10:45:45

Ach bad times OP. Let that be an end to it and him. xx

hellsbellsmelons Wed 16-Nov-16 11:32:31

I agree with a PP.
Get yourself to your nearest GUM clinic.
If he's been injecting you need to know you are clear of everything.
Make sure they test for HIV.

Lucky escape.
Now block, ignore, delete.

Trifleorbust Wed 16-Nov-16 11:33:07

Great news that he's gone, OP grin

TheNaze73 Wed 16-Nov-16 12:19:10

You've not been dumped, you've been freed.

UpYerGansey Wed 16-Nov-16 12:31:59

Having made an appointment to get a health screen, I'd be going to the shops to buy a bottle of bubbly to celebrate getting out of this situation.

c3pu Wed 16-Nov-16 13:56:06

You're not in love with him, you're in love with the man you want him to be.

Two totally different people, and one of them doesn't exist.

You're well rid!

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