Going to football instead of spending time with family

[Mimimouse4]

Hi, was just posting for your own thoughts..

My DH likes football and does go a lot. He went the weekend before last with friends all day (9am - 7pm) which was fine it was local.

During last week he announced he was going to London to watch football Saturday just gone but was going on his own! I feel really upset about this and don't know if I'm being silly! I never make a fuss about him going but we both work full time and have a DS who's 2. He doesn't get home from work until late in the evenings so no quality time and to go to football on your own seems odd!

He's going again this weekend so it's not a one off.

Would you feel hurt?

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Has he always gone to football matches a lot? I know how important football is to some people and if it's something that he's always done then no, I wouldn't feel hurt. If he's only just started going I'd be pissed off!

[RNBrie]

Yep!! My dh gave up his season ticket when we had dc because it took him away from us for so much of the time.

Everyone has the right to some free time off from work and the family but a full day every weekend would offend me!!

What would he say if you said you were taking every Sunday off?

[TheNaze73]

Did you discuss this before DC came along? I gave up my Leyton Orient season ticket, when my DD's came along as I knew it wasn't fair in anyone to continue going week in, week out.
Some would say, looking at where the mighty O's are these days, they did me a favour

[hellsbellsmelons]

Is this a recent thing?
I have alarm bells ringing here.
Football on your own does sound odd unless he's meeting up with other mates.

[OlennasWimple]

DH would go to football on his own - usually with friends or family, but he's been to various home and away matches alone. It isn't necessarily an indication of something dodgy!

[Mimimouse4]

I used to go to football so I do understand but when we were getting married he went every other week (season ticket) and never saved a penny I paid everything!!

He hasn't been a lot this season but lots in the last few weeks and it gets to me. It was all day Saturday then he had loads of work on Sunday so felt like the whole weekend we didn't see him.

Makes me feel sad that he would rather go somewhere on his own than spend time with us.

He doesn't meet up with friends when he's there he just says he's on his own x

[TheFlis12345]

How does attending a local match require being out from 9-7? That seems weird, why can't he just go for the match itself?

[Mimimouse4]

They went for breakfast and spent most of the day in the pub!!

[mikesh909]

Ugh. What is it about football that somehow makes this kind of behaviour ok in the eyes of so many people? If the OP's DH was spending that amount of time on pretty much any other single activity, no-one would think it was ok! FWIW, here are my observations on the football-loving male, based on a combined 10 years in LTRs with two of their number.

• It's often been ingrained since childhood, and however unreasonable it might seem to those of us whose thinking is informed by logic, something so deeply held cannot really be reasoned with, especially not long term. That is to say, it is possible he views his attendance at football matches as on a par with showering or eating breakfast, and the idea that he might give his hobby up in order to facilitate family time would be almost as odd as the idea of never showering again.
  

• To the non football fan, a game lasts 90 minutes. This is a demonstrably false figure. 'Watching the football' includes (at the very least) the preamble, the break time and the debriefing afterwards, potentially also extra minutes / injury minutes / penalties etc. If attended in person, travelling time must be further factored in. In many cases, pre/post drinking is additionally involved. There is the additional aspect that for many sport lovers, one game is insufficient. There is always another one / summaries / highlights / results to follow.
  

It seems like you are in a better position than I was, OP, given that you have expressed at least a degree of interest in the sport yourself. Is there a way you can make football into something you can do together? I appreciate that this is hard with a DC. If you feel like it's a case that he's trying to avoid spending time as a family, with all the responsibilities that brings, I can see that this strategy is unlikely to be successful, but in that case, the football passion is not the true problem...

[Scarydinosaurs]

Have you ever told him how it makes you feel? When does he ever get time to spend with his child?

[Mimimouse4]

I have said that it makes me feel sad but he will say that we will have this Sunday together.

We hardly get any quality time together but he thinks it's ok as he will say I won't be going now for a few weeks.

I just couldn't imagine turning round to him and saying oh I'm going out on Sunday on my own see you both later!x

[leaveittothediva]

I'd never get involved with anyone that liked football, or was fanatical about any sport. It completely does my head in. Your another sports widow. You'll have to get on with it. Nothing comes before the "Team". It's all utter bollocks.

[Meadows76]

I just couldn't imagine turning round to him and saying oh I'm going out on Sunday on my own see you both later!x maybe this is part of the problem? Do you not have any interests that involve time outwith your family? My DH plays a sport and I have a hobby that takes me away from home several weekends a year. Neither of us has ever felt that being away means we don't want to be with the family, just sometimes it's good to do your own thing.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Mine has a season ticket. On a Saturday he tends to go at about 1.30 and be home about 6. He goes with his Dad and DS1(22). DS1(10) is a fair weather fan and goes if it's a nice day. I think it's a nice inter generational thing to do. It keeps them all talking to each other anyway. He used to take the girls too but they're not interested now and we often have a day out ourselves.

Obviously this is every other Saturday, but now our kids are mostly grown up, he has started sneaking in the odd away trip too with a group of (nice) friends. I make my views very clear when I think he's pushing it too far. But I am quite happy with my own (and the kids) company anyway so have a nice time while he's out.

[Mimimouse4]

Yeah I do have a hobby and it could be an all day thing.

It's not him going to football I understand that he enjoys it my issue is 3 weekends in a row and deciding to go on your own,

If he hadn't had gone the week before I could understand going alone but not when you've been recently!!

[Thatwaslulu]

Could you not offer to go with him, and make it a family day out?

[Ragwort]

I do loads of things on my own, I love my own company, I never see the need to be with my DH & DS 24/7 - to me it is important to have my own interests, hobbies, voluntary work, whatever rather than be 'family' all the time.

True, I don't go to football but I could happily be out all day and DH would have no problem with that.

I would find it suffocating to be with other people all the time like when we go on holiday. .

[tigerdriverII]

I go to football a lot, sometimes with DS(14) and sometimes on my own, which I enjoy. It does take up most of Saturday. I hope DH , who loathes the beautiful game, doesn't feel upset when I/we are away. I did feel a twinge of guilt when we cleared off for an evening match on his birthday but he didn't appreciate the offer of nice ticket.