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What would happen if I left?

(14 Posts)
wheresmybippers Tue 15-Nov-16 13:33:29

I'll try and keep this as short as possible.

I'm currently a SAHM to a 1.5yo and pregnant with our second. Things haven't ever been overly harmonious but now we are fighting all the time and it's a horrible way to be brought up for my child(ren). Nobody is particularly at fault, he could do to get his act together and I could do to chill out a bit.

My question is, if I left him (we own a home together but obviously he pays for it), what would happen? Would it be a council house and benefits? Would I even be entitled to benefits? Would I have to return to work when this baby is 6 weeks? (I used to be a supervisor in a restaurant, but haven't worked since before my first was born). I have no help in terms of childcare so I'd have to pay for nursery for both of them any time I was at work, but with no qualifications and only really hospitality experience that puts a massive limit on jobs I could do as they mostly run later than nurseries are open and putting a 6 week old into childcare goes against every instinct in my body. (I'm absolutely not slating people who do choose to do this, I just always wanted to me a SAHM and I'd hate to lose that time with my second).

I just don't know what to do. I'm at a loss.

Threecherries Tue 15-Nov-16 18:09:31

Are you married?

BifsWif Tue 15-Nov-16 18:17:18

Are you married?
The 'entitled to' website should give you some idea of what benefit amount you would get.

AngryVagina Tue 15-Nov-16 19:37:52

Yes married.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 15-Nov-16 19:41:21

Have pm'd you OP.

wheresmybippers Tue 15-Nov-16 20:00:50

Oops, NC fail grin thanks spongebob, doesn't matter at all though.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Tue 15-Nov-16 20:05:24

You would probably be entitled to tax credits. Get a good solicitor, who you feel is really on your side. You wouldn't necessarily have to move out. Take advice. x

Threecherries Tue 15-Nov-16 22:09:41

OK so if you are married things to consider / get advice on -

Likely outcome of divorce settlement (starting point of 50/50 on all assets - equity in your home, savings, pensions etc)

Benefit entitlement - might include income support ( until youngest child is 5?), tax credits, child benefit - if you decide to return to work, tax credits can also cover a good % of your childcare costs

Child maintenance

wheresmybippers Wed 16-Nov-16 08:22:21

Thanks folks, I will look into all of these things. I don't see him ever agreeing to leave though, he's really stubborn about "if you want to end it, you leave".

hellsbellsmelons Wed 16-Nov-16 09:51:00

I would look into if he is emotionally abusing you.
This way you may be able to contact Womens Aid and get some advice and solicitor recommendations from them.
Look up Emotional Abuse on google and see if he fits the profile.
His mother is certainly a bully and the apple rarely falls far from the tree so I would suggest he is also a big bully.

Footle Wed 16-Nov-16 10:22:23

Council house ? What's that ?

WatchingFromTheWings Wed 16-Nov-16 10:31:21

The chances of getting a council house are very very slim. I was on the waiting list for 5 years and nothing came up in that time.

Threecherries Wed 16-Nov-16 19:04:08

It's not worth worrying too much about who will / won't leave at this point. If a divorce settlement requires you to sell your home, then you both leave, in effect - just one a bit sooner than the other.

Lots of people say they won't / can't, but once the divorce process starts, things fall into place to an extent.

First of all you need to look at your options with advice from a solicitor, CAB, CMS etc.

Good luck!

wheresmybippers Wed 16-Nov-16 23:01:15

Hells how do you know his mother is a bully? confused

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