Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I end it?

(11 Posts)
Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 12:22:31

I've been in a relationship for 7 months, I have two children from a previous marriage. It's been going quite well, apart from the fact it's long distance. We see each other every weekend and talk every day. I'm getting to the point though where I'm asking myself if there is a future between us.

He's very reluctant to talk long term, his job means he has to stay close to his location. We have discussed him possibly having a change of direction in his career but it's not directly in context to us been closer together.

The other thing is he hasn't introduced me to any of his family yet, he is very close to his mum but she lived in a different country, he saw her about 7 weeks ago but didn't invite me. I let it go in that occasion as I didn't want to seem too pushy if he wasn't ready.

Just last week he was told he had a break in his contract this week, I was pleased as I thought he'd come down and spend some time with me. Instead he announced he was taking his mum to a very expensive hotel in a different country for a week. Again he hasn't asked me to join them, I was upset by this but didn't say anything as I didn't want to appear selfish if he just wanted to spend time with his mum.

He then rang me and said his mum had asked 'where is your girlfriend, isn't she upset you didn't bring her with you'! I don't know what he expected me to say to that, after the call I felt quite embarrassed as his mum now obviously thinks he doesn't want me to meet her.

I don't know whether I'm making too much of this as the time we spend together is lovely and he's very caring, I just feel like he's sending mixed messages to me.

TwitterQueen1 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:27:15

You've been together only 7 months. That's no time at all - especially when children are involved. I think you're trying to make this into a full-time, permanent, committed relationship and unfortunately, he's just not that into you.

When he said his mum had asked where his girlfriend was, isn't she upset.... that was your cue to say "Yes, actually I am a bit upset.." That was his way of asking how you felt about it. Maybe you need to be a bit more direct and honest about how you feel and what you want.

Whether you end it or not is up to you.

Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 12:50:22

I agree 7 months is still soon but in my past relationships I would have met parents by now. Mine have passed on but had they been with us I would have definitely taken him round. He tells me he loves me so much and does so much to help/please me so I'm confused as to whether to carry on with him

Cricrichan Tue 15-Nov-16 12:56:24

You getting together means a move from either him or you. It also means him getting an instant family. He has to be absolutely sure he wants that before he commits fully, I think.

TheNaze73 Tue 15-Nov-16 12:56:27

So what actually are you saying Op? 7 months is way too soon, yet you've always done that? Don't mean to sound rude but, do you want everything & want it right away?
7 months in, I think you should be dating & enjoying the present, not getting so hung up over the future.
When he's got his head around it & processed it all & asks, you'll have two people on the same hymn sheet.
Good luck

Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 13:08:30

TheNaze73, no I meant previously before my 15 year marriage and kids I would have met my boyfriends parents by 7 months.

This is my first boyfriend since divorce two years ago so it's a bit of a minefield for me, so I'm thinking yes in the context of taking on someone with two kids, 7 months maybe is soon to be making choices. As it's a new thing for me I'm trying to work out what the new rules are and how the fit in with my feelings about the relationship. That's why I'm seeking some opinions.

Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 13:13:27

I don't want to get too deeply into things if there is no future in it. Wouldn't it be more responsible to have an open talk about that now than carrying on 'having fun' heading for headache if I'm hoping if it ends with us being together?

greedygorb Tue 15-Nov-16 13:16:09

It sounds a bit shit really. You're not top of his list of priorities and that's prefectly acceptable but it's not really screaming this is a brilliant relationship. It's only been 7 months but to me it should mean he's still in the super keen stage. This isn't sounding superkeen. Sorry.

QuarterMileAtATime Tue 15-Nov-16 14:33:35

I think you're overthinking the mum thing. If he doesn't see his mum very often, why shouldn't he spend that time with her as just them? He might have had the trip in mind for a while and was waiting for an opportunity to treat her. If he's spending every weekend with you, I'd say he is keen. It may not have occurred to him to introduce you.
I would also say 7 months is still quite early in terms of thinking about moving in together. I know it's hard not to look forward and wonder if that's the direction it is going, but I don't think anything you've said indicates he is not into you. If anything, I would just say casually 'It sounds like you had a great time with your mum. I'd love to meet her one day' and see how he reacts. If he recoils and gives the impression that's not going to happen, then it's more of a concern.

Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 16:53:02

Quarter mile - He is from a very different culture/religion to me that's very close knit, so I'm also wondering if that is an issue for him. He did say the fact he's dating an older woman with kids might raise some eyebrows. He said he always has gone against the grain and didn't want to stay at home and be constrained by that community. God this dating is so stressful! Feel like a teenager again 😳

Noteapleasevicar Tue 15-Nov-16 16:53:47

But it also makes me wonder if he'll never completely commit to me

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now