Posted a few times this year regarding my partner of five years leaving me during a planned pregnancy and basically turning into a monster. Fast forward to now, my gorgeous baby boy is a month old and I am absolutely in love with him. Things are still tough but we're both doing very well and I have great support. I've not had any contact with my ex since April and did not contact him after the birth, though he would know that the baby had been born, and the baby has been resgistered without my ex's name on the birth certificate.
I've recently been contacted by his sister, firstly asking how I am and if i'd had the baby yet, she loved and missed me, was desperate to know if we were okay etc, I did reply just to say that we were fine but that I'd appreciate it if she didn't keep messaging me as there were a few sent and I just wanted to get on with my life, to which she got quite angry and upset and started talking about how hard it was for her, that I was out of order for not letting her see the baby because I wasn't over her brother (bearing in mind I'd never actually said she couldn't) and that she just wanted to know the baby and wanted her sons (three year old twins) to know him too. I became furious and responded out of fury and told her that any issues she had should be taken up with her brother, and that she clearly didn't care about me or the baby as all she was talking about was herself and trying to put the blame on me without any regard to the absolute hell me and my family have been through and her saying that my ex's actions shouldn't impact on her having a relationship with the baby just proved her lack of understanding of the consequences of what my ex had done. In addition, my ex still has a relationship with her sons and I personally feel that for my son to have a relationship with her and the boys while my ex is still a prominent part in their lives but obviously wants nothing to do with his own son would be beyond damaging. He parades around like the proud uncle but has done nothing for the baby and shown absolutely no interest and his sister doesn't seem to understand the problem with that or why I have such an issue with her still being close to him and expecting a relationship with my son. I truly resent my ex for doing that, especially because I still seem to keep having to take responsibility for his mistakes in terms of our situation.
Anyway, because I'm so fed up of being held responsible, because so many of her remarks infuriated me, because she clearly doesn't know half of what she thinks she does in regards to the situation, because I'm not actually an asshole, I said I would meet with her tomorrow to talk. I don't blame her for any of my ex's actions nor do I want to deny my son anything, but I honestly do not see any good coming of him having one with her. I just can't imagine having him ask me why his auntie wanted to know but his dad didn't but still likes seeing his nephews; the very thought makes me sick.
I feel like I'm only doing this out of guilt, out of lingering care for her as we were close before the break up and because I just want to actually have my say and tell someone on his side of things the real version of things, the real impact of his actions, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about meeting her, not only for the reasons that I've said but because of what fresh hell this might instigate in terms of my ex or god knows what else. I miss her and wish things weren't like this but they are and I'm just so fed up of feeling responsible when I'm not, but I just cannot see how this would ever work.
Am I making a mistake in meeting her? Should I just message her, explain myself, apologise and then cut contact again? Should I say it in person? I really have no idea what to do anymore.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Am I making a mistake?
loulou1626 · 14/11/2016 20:12
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