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Last minute dates?

(18 Posts)
yestocarrots Mon 14-Nov-16 11:37:26

I've been off the dating scene a fair couple of years so sorry if this is a naive question but did I mess this up? Met a guy last Thursday evening, he seemed very keen and I liked him and wanted to see him again. He seemed gentlemanly in that rather than asking for my number he gave me his and said I should text if I was interested but that he really hoped I would. I did, the following evening, and we exchanged a few messages over the next couple of days just chatting but I'm disinclined to text too much before a first date and while I did like him when I met him I was mainly just expecting to arrange a date and we could see if we actually got on. he didn't suggest anything like this until Saturday evening where he asked if I was free the next day. I'm a full time working single mum and tend to fill my time as much as possible so I did already have plans for Sunday, but I was equally a bit surprised he didn't ask with a bit more notice. I texted back still the same friendly way saying sorry I was out of town at a friends birthday (which was totally true) but could potentially do after work one evening this week. That was lunchtime yesterday. And since then... Tumbleweeds! He seemed like a mature, down to earth friendly guy who was genuinely interested in seeing me again and the texting just abruptly stopped when I couldn't make a date with less than 24 hours notice on a weekend. I'm not really expecting to hear from him again but suspect if he were truly keen to set something up I already would have. I've got some busy weekends coming up and not going to keep myself available on the off chance. Still, can't help this nagging feeling that I might have passed up a great guy by not being available! Thing is I wasn't game playing or anything, I genuinely was busy. I guess I could have come back to London sooner yesterday and met him in the evening but I just didn't think I should change my plans. If he's a good guy he will try and arrange something again right? Sanity check me please!!
Thanks smile I did not miss this dating minefield!

Simonneilsbeard Mon 14-Nov-16 12:01:01

Yes if he's a good guy and genuinely interested in spending time with you then he'll text and arrange another date.
I'm in agreement with you in that the short notice date thing is just generally a bit crap..I would interpret that as he happened to be at a loose end the following day and wanted to see if you were free rather than actually planning a date iyswim.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 14-Nov-16 12:01:23

He has kids?
If he doesn't I did find this hard when dating because some people just don't get this scenario as they haven't got these responsibilities and it can make life complicated.

I cannot possibly comment on all men but some men I know can feel overwhelmed with dates and arrangements and they can just prefer to wing it a bit. Making arrangements in the future is an alien concept to some because they can't see past today/tomorrow!

If he is a good guy he will be busy arranging his diary for you and totally understand he didn't give you much notice. In this day and age it's reasonable to realise people have busy lives so you were not game playing - I wouldn't have messed all my plans about either:

If he doesn't come back to you it seems flakey when he does then you probably had a lucky escape wink

TheNaze73 Mon 14-Nov-16 12:05:57

Myusername is spot on with her opening paragraph. It's a generalisation but, has been true every time I've dated someone without children. They say they understand but, when push comes to shove, they expect to be put on the same level as children.

Myusernameismyusername Mon 14-Nov-16 13:12:58

To be honest I will only date someone with children because of it. The pressure drove me mad! The guy I am dating now we literally got about 1 hour together yesterday between his kids leaving and mine returning and we both felt the time pressure but also both understood

StartledByHisFurryShorts Mon 14-Nov-16 13:29:53

Try not to overthink it, OP. Is this Online dating? You've only had one date. Chances are he still chatting to/meeting other people. Do you have any other dates lined up?

There might be any number of reasons he hasn't rushed to get back to you. It isn't necessarily anything you've done. I'd wait and see if he gets back to you regarding meeting up after work this week. If not, eh, move on.

yestocarrots Mon 14-Nov-16 14:54:34

Startled, I met him while I was out on an evening so we haven't really had a date. That's what I meant - I thought we would set something up before texting much. Meh, maybe he just overestimated his interest.

StartledByHisFurryShorts Mon 14-Nov-16 15:56:01

Ah, sorry, I misunderstood. Clearly, I just assume that all dating is online dating. grin

Oh, that is annoying then if he seemed really promising. The ball's in his court now, though. You've offered him a choice of dates. If he doesn't respond then it's his loss.

madgingermunchkin Mon 14-Nov-16 16:02:27

I'd be suspicious as he gave you his number instead of asking for yours.

I've spent a few years on the dating scene, and that coupled with the last minute asking if you are free smacks to me of a man who is in a relationship or married.

I'd consider it a lucky escape.

yestocarrots Mon 14-Nov-16 16:12:12

Interesting mad ginger. He was with one of his co workers who seemed like a nice guy and to be able to vouch for him, as in it'd be odd if this one was married/in a LTR and openly out on the pull, but who knows! I thought the him giving his number thing was a gesture to make me feel more comfortable but I guess it's just as likely that he's either lazy or hiding something. Still haven't heard from him....

madgingermunchkin Mon 14-Nov-16 16:53:00

Military boys cover for each other all the time, so it wouldn't surprise me if non military men do the same thing.

yestocarrots Mon 14-Nov-16 17:37:34

my ex was military. Dumped me on a pretext after deployment and blocked me on all mediums vey abruptly, it was obvious something shady was going on. Never occurred to me his mates might've had a hand in that hmm

Summerlovinf Mon 14-Nov-16 19:37:07

If a guy is serious he will take your number and will offer another option if you can't make the time/day he suggests first.

OhhBetty Mon 14-Nov-16 19:43:26

If he's gone radio silent just because you're not available the first time he's asked then he ain't the guy for you!

singleandfabulous Mon 14-Nov-16 19:49:32

non-military guys cover too.

I met someone while he was out with six of his colleagues and dated him for 6 months, he assured me he was single. No ring. Dinner wigh his friends etc. Trip to his office. He was married. Sad.

Could he have just been after a quick hook up?

Cricrichan Mon 14-Nov-16 19:52:11

If he was interested, he'd have contacted you by now.

wtffgs Mon 14-Nov-16 20:00:51

Perhaps he was hoping for a quick shag drink but wasn't that fussed to plan ahead. I've had a couple of offers like that <winner, me!! hmm>

I'm also WOHM single mum. What with kids, their clubs, homework, my job (teaching so lots of evenings and some weekend work), my hobby etc .. there just isn't much spare time.


Summerlovinf Mon 14-Nov-16 20:33:27

These kinds of experience are fairly common and not worth giving too much thought to. Think about joining the MN dating thread to share experiences. Posters on there will keep you right. Good luck.

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