Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Leaving abusive OH

(8 Posts)
chocsandtwirls Mon 14-Nov-16 09:51:32

My OH is emotionally/mentally/financially abusive towards me. I've tried leaving a few times before and the last 2 times I've followed through the most. The 2nd from last time our son was rushed into hospital so he used my vulnerability to get back in. The last time he promised therapy (who I know now was a lie).

He's never been physically violent but has a bad temper and I know he's been violent to men in the past e.g. Fighting. He's had anger management years ago and has a short fuse still. I think I was trying to kid myself that I'm not scared of him but I am. What I'm most scared about is how he will be when I actually leave. I think this is what's keeping me here.
I'm worried he will turn violent or stalk me.
What are people's experiences of being in a EA relationship then leaving? Did they turn violent all of a sudden or threaten violence?

Lostandlonely1979 Mon 14-Nov-16 10:35:29

I don't have any experience here but I'm sure someone will be along to help soon. Sorry to read you're going through this and hope you can find a way out xx

Simonneilsbeard Mon 14-Nov-16 10:39:15

Hi I know this is really scary time for you.
My EA ex left me for someone else (blessing in disguise) but after about 3 months and their relationship breaking down you would have thought I was the one who left! He amped up his controlling behaviour..essentially trying to control me from outside the relationship. I went to womens aid and I can't praise them enough. They understood every thing I went through. Nothing I said to them was anything they hadn't heard before and it made me so much stronger to know there wasn't something wrong with me! They helped me develop techniques that I was able to use to manage my reactions to his behaviour . Get in touch with them, use the recourses they have! I wish you all the best of luck x

chocsandtwirls Mon 14-Nov-16 12:32:15

Thank you for your replies. That's what I'm worried about is that his behaviour will get much worse after I've left and how it will effect our son. He's only a baby atm so he doesn't understand.

Would he just bombard you with texts and calls? When I leave him I definitely wouldn't want him knowing where I lived!

I just get this uneasy feeling with him. I know they say trust gut instinct. Just hard to tell how they will react even though I know he hasn't been violent before

ginswinger Mon 14-Nov-16 12:40:17

I think you need to contact Women'd Aid and ask them these questions. They will be able to give you the best legal advice about how to move forwards and what you will need to do. Do consider called Gingerbread too with regards to benefits available to you.
Hope that helps and you get out soon xx

chocsandtwirls Mon 14-Nov-16 15:06:29

Thanks gins. I will contact them just wondered what other people's experiences were and if they had any advice?

LouSaint Mon 14-Nov-16 15:26:36

Contact Women's Aid for definite. They will advise you. In my (24 year) experience with an abusive man, they only leave when they have someone lined up, mine has a new girlfriend so I'm lucky at present.
In the past, when I've tried to leave him, he didn't give up trying to get me back, everything had (has) to be on his terms. They HATE to lose control, which is why Women's Aid deem this to be the most dangerous time for women trying to escape.
Please be careful, plan, and women's aid will advise you on all aspects of gaining freedom from him.
Good luck xx

chocsandtwirls Mon 14-Nov-16 19:58:49

Thanks Lou. The leaving is the part I'm so scared about. Nobody knows for definite how this type of guy will react when he realises he really doesn't have the power anymore. I will call WA tomorrow for advice x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now