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Looking for a handhold

(9 Posts)
haveyouseenthiswizard Sun 13-Nov-16 17:26:22

Long time lurker desperate for a bit of sympathy.

My boyfriend of a year just broke up with me, or I broke up with him. I think I broke up with him but he didn't exactly try to convince me not to. He's always been a crap drunk - ruined every night out we've ever had together, including big stuff like uni graduation, birthdays. Friday night was the same and he wasn't fussed about how upset I was the next day. Usually when he's behaved badly he won't apologise until a few hours after he's woken up - when the hangover sets in, but usually he ignores me until he deigns to apologise. I gave him three or four chances to apologise for his behaviour and he just wouldn't, so I said I didn't want to see him anymore if he didn't care.

After being non-commital in whether he wanted to sort it out, he finally came out with 'I just don't know what I want' which I took to mean he wanted to break up with me but didn't have the balls to say it, so I said it was over for him.

I've never been this devastated. Can't eat, basically just want to find a rock to hide under for the rest of my life.

Sorry for the novel, just didn't want to drip feed.

Sympathy and comments telling me to pull myself together would be much appreciated.

jeaux90 Sun 13-Nov-16 17:46:18

Honestly luv he sounds like a complete nob. You have too much to do, to accomplish without this idiot round your neck. Imagine when you are in the situation of work do's with partner!! confusedMove on!

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 13-Nov-16 18:21:45

Well, you know what, you should be celebrating, he is as much use as a chocolate tea pot.
Do not take him back, you are wasting your life, when you could be living it.
Stop drinking and start living.
Now dust yourself down, stop crying, and know that the future holds so much more, for you. I do feel for you, I really do, you'll be okay, if you let yourself.Let this part of your life be over, don't prolong the agony, you'll only suffer more. Remember, sorry, doesn't cut it. 💐

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 13-Nov-16 18:32:50

You were in a relationship with a man (whom you describe as a crap drunk) whose primary relationship was and is with drink and not you. His thoughts mainly centred on where the next drink is going to come from.

I have to look at you in this because you were in a relationship with him. Why is your relationship bar so very low?. Did you think that being with this person would make him change?. Did you think your love for him could help him? I am sorry you are upset but when the dust has settled you will realise that he has done you a huge favour. You have really dodged a bullet here; drunks are not relationship material.

Do not take him back!.

He was never your project to rescue or save. The only person you can help here is you. You think he is at all devastated now; no not a bit of it. He's in a relationship with alcohol and he has never really shown you any consideration whatsoever.

haveyouseenthiswizard Sun 13-Nov-16 23:44:51

Thanks guys. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't drunk all the time, just couldn't have a night out without getting so wasted that he couldn't speak. But I really shouldn't be trying to justify him because he's done some shitty things to me when drunk :/

I really appreciate the hand-holding and common sense. I've never felt like this before - every other relationship I've had has been lukewarm, this one was intense and I'm so in love with him. But you're all right of course. I'm better off without. I was fine before him and I'll be fine again.

So grateful, thanks guys x

Livelovebehappy Mon 14-Nov-16 07:36:50

You are treated how you allow yourself to be treated, so going forward take that mantra with you into future relationships. Would you treat someone you were with like he has treated you? You should tell yourself you deserve someone so much better, and just be thankful you have wasted only one year of your life on him. It could have been so much worse if you were years down the line and had children with him. Cut off ties, block him on social media, remove his number from your phone go and pamper yourself - new hairdo etc, and move on. It will be hard at first but you will get through it. Big hugs.

Shayelle Mon 14-Nov-16 07:41:26

Sounds messy. He has issues. Dont go back there x

Sugarpiehoneyeye Mon 14-Nov-16 17:55:37

Hope you are feeling a bit better today Wizzard 💐

adora1 Mon 14-Nov-16 18:15:56

No offence OP but you should have dumped him the first time he treated you like crap, drunk or not drunk, a year fgs!

You are well rid, work on yourself because your bar is no where near high enough if you think this guy was ok.

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