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Adult Daughter Completely Distraught After Relationship Breakdown

(6 Posts)
LoveLabs Sun 13-Nov-16 15:45:21

Hi folks,
I would appreciate any advice on how to help my adult (23) daughter who is going through a VERY bad relationship breakdown. She was with her female partner for two years and it was always tumultuous. They have never officially lived together but practically did for about 18 months. In the last six months her partner has moved away from us (about 3 hours away) and the relationship has cooled. They went on an extended holiday over the summer whilst they were both between jobs but had saved enough to cover it. It was not a roaring success and I received many calls from DD in bits about something the other had done. Mostly quite cruel as we lost our lovely old cat (16yrs) while she was away and the partner said why are you crying I hate cats, get over it!
When they returned from holiday (september) they effectively split up but I found that my DD had maintained contact as she was desperate to continue the relationship.
This weekend DD drove 3 hours to see her (pre-agreed) only to arrive and find out that she was seeing someone else. She promptly turned around and came home but has been in absolute bits since.
She isnt eating, drinking or sleeping and says she is thinking of ending it and cannot see life without her. Obviously I'm extremely concerned and have done everything I can think of to help her and explain that painful as it is it will pass eventually but she is beside herself.
Has anyone got any experience of what I can do to help her?
Her dad doesnt know she is Bi so it is difficult to explain to him what is going on. She has asked me not to tell him as she has had boyfriends before and she is worried he wont 'get it'. Bless him. He is very concerned and knows he is missing something but I'm stuck in the middle on this one too which isnt helpful as he cant be expected to be sympathetic if he doesnt really understand what is going on.

lalalonglegs Sun 13-Nov-16 16:12:27

Does she live near you? Can she come and stay at your house for a couple of weeks while she gets over the shock? A two-year relationship is not to be sniffed at but she does seem to have taken the break up unusually badly and sounds a little bit needy. I don't think keeping her father in the dark is a particularly helpful idea - apart from anything else, it just ramps up the drama for her.

CalleighDoodle Sun 13-Nov-16 16:20:26

She needs counselling. Her ex sounds awful and possibly heading towards emotionally abusive if the above is typical behaviour. You daughrer needs to improve her self-esteem.

CalleighDoodle Sun 13-Nov-16 16:21:27

I agree with lala over telling her dad too.!

gottachangethename1 Sun 13-Nov-16 16:29:37

It's like a stab in the stomach when your dc are so hurt, isn't it op? No matter what age they are. You can only do what you are, I'm sure, all ready doing. Be there to listen, not to judge or tell what to do. Let her know how loved she is and tell her she deserves to be treated well. Her self esteem must be at rock bottom, but knowing she has you to turn to will help. Time is the only real healer. Bless her.

LoveLabs Sun 13-Nov-16 16:38:01

Thanks for the responses everyone. Luckily she is living at home so I can keep a bit of an eye on her but she is out at friends most of the time because she says she cant sit still. She saw a counsellor last week but it was a 'get to know you' meeting she has another session this week. However, she starts a new job mid week and the councellor is booked up for weeks at weekends.
I agree with the emotionally abusive behaviour and have thought so for some time but she seems to keep going back for more. She is generally quite a confident person but this seems to have knocked her for six.

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