Well I'm writing this at 2am or I will go nuts, husband away on tour (tour managing) so have been on my own last 5 days . Complicated situation as we run a business together but the main brunt of knowledge and skill is his so if we split the chances are I effectively lose my job as well. We have been married 20 years and have an 18 year old DS who luckily works and is no longer at home so I don't have that issue to deal with. I employed a part time assistant in Feb this year and she does 10 hours a week with me and goes on tour dates as well to do the merchandising (we work in music) she is a single mum of a 10 year old, not unattractive but a bit OTT and I wouldn't have said my husbands type, she also has an on off relationship with a guy who is a bit of an abuser. Initially we were both very involved in trying to make sure she kept safe etc , however after the first set of dates they did I started to get a feeling that i was uncomfortable with, couldn't put my finger on it , she just seemed to be a bit over chatty around my husband, a month later I noticed that our phone bill was full of texts being sent out , some days none, some 5 or 6 and often whilst I was down at the office as he works from home. There were a few phone calls too but not that many , I decided to say nothing and observe. This carried on for a further month before I said something to him about it. He got extremely defensive and said its just general rubbishy chit chat and in all fairness she did text me a lot too, I just mainly ignored it because it was all rather time wasting stuff, he however has many texts one almost straight after the other. I then noticed he had started getting what's app messages from her, I saw a few and to be honest they were quite tame . The fact is though he is deleting anything in from her as fast as he gets it, his phone has always been password protected and we don't share Apple ids etc. He certainly doesn't leave it lying around, but never did before either. They share rooms on tour (that's alwYs been the case with other people we have employed too for money reasons) he is 52 and she is 44. It would seem I am expected to just be cool about it and that I now have an obsessive dislike of her. The thing is if you knew you had upset your boss and it was all very innocent wouldn't you apologise?? As she hasn't said a single word about it to me. In the car the other night she called as they were going on some further tour dates next day. The minute she called I said 'what the bloody hell. Does she want' he rejected the call and she then sent texts which I saw just about arrangements , but he suddenly went nuts and said 'I'm totally sick of this, get it into your head I'm not interested or get some psychiatric treatment' to be honest after someone has been caught texting a great deal and keeping it secret, I think I have every right to be pissed and wanting to know what these are all about, I am being made to feel it's me that's got the problem. Anyway , the mad amount of texting seems to have stopped but this all seems to be eating away at me. When they are on tour he phones home barking orders for me to invoice xyz or other work stuff like I'm his assistant, it is stressful I know as I've done the job too but I do feel the least I can expect is a bit of understanding as to why I'm not happy with the situation. In disclosure our sex life isn't great, we had a very similar episode to this about 10 years ago, too much texting etc but a 22 year old assistant and to be honest I never really felt totally the same after that.
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