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Why this heaviness?

(9 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Fri 11-Nov-16 21:36:01

Every time when I have to make a decision about getting involved with someone or staying on my own as a single I have this heavy weight...

I don't know why. But it makes me uncomfortable.

jeaux90 Fri 11-Nov-16 21:48:05

I get that. I have dated and in the main been single for 6 years (single parent) I think you get used to be on your own, enjoying it even. It's not until recently I found someone who is making me consider being in a ltr again.

Here's the thing I realised about myself. The big things are about you. Your family, your career etc. The little things are about what you get from a relationship when you first start out. If those little things suck then I prefer being on my own.

There are two big things though about the long term in a relationship that truly matter. Kindness (the little things they do when you first start and will always do) and sexual compatibility.

Inexperiencedchick Sat 12-Nov-16 13:40:25

That's very good explanation Jeaux, thank you...

I'm in the process of looking for and giving up...
And for the past few days I started to think I'm better off on my own.
Probably I haven't met the right person just yet.

Myusernameismyusername Sat 12-Nov-16 13:45:04

What I have found is that the right person kind of makes that weight feel lighter... can't explain it very well. You just feel more inspired to embrace all the crappy or more difficult parts of life

But it can feel the process of looking an amplify the hard things in your life somehow

I am not making sense maybe

jeaux90 Sat 12-Nov-16 13:48:33

My username you are right, I understand that. And yes OP you just haven't met the right person. You sound like a independent person like me and there is no point in compromising. Be proud of being comfortable and enjoying being single, you will know when it's right. Xxx

jeaux90 Sat 12-Nov-16 13:50:42

Oh and the right relationship is where you encourage each other to be the best version of yourself you can be, if they drain you from the outset get the klaxon out grin

Myusernameismyusername Sat 12-Nov-16 14:02:14

Yeah it's like actually the weight is not the decision it's the implications of the decision, of what it will mean

I think the right person just makes you feel like anything is possible... that the dark heavy things in life can be shared not that you are taking on yet another burden to have to carry and cope with

Inexperiencedchick Sat 12-Nov-16 23:25:11

Thank you so much ladies...

Couple of years back I thought it's easy, thought I met the one....
Then I saw the real him and how it was draining me for no particular reason...
Even little things like "Would you like to go to cinema?" and the answer was "we need to think about it", so I took advantage and went on my own...
I could not believe how heavy it was...
Now I definitely know the answer!

jeaux90 Sun 13-Nov-16 09:37:25

You only have to read some of threads on here and the heartbreak to know that compromising is just not worth it. Hang in there, it's taken me until I am 45 to find someone who I think is right but we are taking it slowly. I have a good career, a dd and I am not giving up my independence for anyone right now. After all it should be one of the things you respect and love about a person. I would rather be alone any day of the week than compromise just to be in a relationship. Big hug OP xxx

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