Dh is a huge Billy Connolly fan and when he found out that he would be doing a tour he was desperate to go. A female friend of ours is another huge fan and booked the tickets for them to go (I was unable to as dd is 6.5 months old, potentially epileptic, we had no one available to look after her and I'm also filling in for them with one of my brothers as they're both employed as carers for my mum).
I noticed towards the end of my pregnancy that she seemed a bit flirty with dh. Touchy feely. And writing cryptic messages in Japanese (she's teaching herself) for him on the whiteboard in my mum's kitchen. Something that I put down to my crazy hormones at the time. But she is still flirty with him even now that dd is born.
I don't think a lot of myself at the moment as I've piled a lot of weight on since the birth (restarted slimming world whole heartedly today). And to me she seems to be everything that I don't feel like I am - thin (well I know I'm not that), pretty and she has much more in common with dh than I do.
So, today is the day and they've headed off to Manchester, just the two of them and they won't be back until 4 in the morning. Dh without saying goodbye to me and dd. And I've got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't quite put my finger on it and I've been on edge all day.
I don't think dh would do anything. But, I never thought he would hold my financial situation against me - though he made some nasty comments to me about money this week in front of my mum, which upset her.
I keep telling myself that my fears sound stupid. But, this niggling just won't go away 
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not comfortable with this
pinklemonade84 · 11/11/2016 16:38
Poor you - your post made me want to give you a cuddle, it sounds like a rubbish day.
She does not sound like a friend, even if nothing is going on, it is poor behaviour.
And he sounds like he is a total arse. Having a baby completely changes your life as a couple and I think can bring out some pretty awful, previously unseen traits.
Were these comments about the money a one-off? It's normal for you to be feeling insecure and a bit rubbish about yourself after having a baby, and it's crap when you suddenly have to rely on somebody financially.
He should be making you feel good about yourself and not swanning off with some other woman on a night out. I don't know if anything will come of tonight, but I do believe in trusting your gut.
I think you need to start looking after yourself, go to slimming world if it makes you feel better, but keep an eye on him and her and also your financial situation. I really hope this doesn't escalate for you.
Take care 
greta that's what she meant for me to do. I didn't word it brilliantly, sorry 
It's been 4 hours now since they left and he hasn't bothered to get in touch (even to check in on dd). Though they should at the very least be at the tram station by now that will get them into the centre of Manchester
We had to go hospital via ambulance last week because of dd's seizures (thankfully all ok in the end and we were discharged the same day), so I honestly thought he would have at least checked in on how she's doing.
No he's not Japanese, which is why the writing of messages has weirded me out a bit. Because it's only her who can understand it. She's a carer for my mum too and mum has a whiteboard in the kitchen for shopping lists.
The money for the holiday goes out via direct debit to Haven as we go in June.
He text eventually about 4.5 hours after they set off. Didn't even think to ask about how dd was and we got into an argument over that. He's not bothered replying since I told him that I've had enough.
And I have had enough. I can't remember the last time he made me feel special. Or even the last time we even contemplated going somewhere just the two of us. It's honestly like I'm a second thought to him
I agree with what timely says. She is not your friend and he's a crappy husband.
You poor love. If it helps, I speak Japanese and could help you decode the messages if you want to PM me.
I've classed her as a friend for a while as she is a big part of my mum's life and her main female carer, so we have grown close over the years. She does a lot for my mum, things that I can't do and for that I will be forever grateful. So, I wouldn't even like to suggest a new female carer for mum as it wouldn't be fair on her as she trusts this woman.
OhMrsQ I never made a note of them as I was made to feel hormonal and ott about it at the time when she initially started them. She hasn't done anymore since April when I gave birth.
We actually haven't been out together properly for a couple of years. I think the last time we went out on our own was on honeymoon in 2014 
In all honesty I don't know where to go from here. I love him. But, it's not right that I feel like this. No woman should feel this worthless and as if her husband is ashamed to be seen out in public with her
I've just totally lost it with him
He text to say he was back at the car and ready to set off. And made a point of asking how dd and our dog (who also had a seizure last week) was. So, I said why bother asking now and that he was only asking to prove a point because I'd had a go. He comments back that he can't win and I went mad.
Said that there was nothing stopping him from messaging when they parked up. Said I was sick of him not wanting to go anywhere with me. And how it was funny that he went off to Manchester - probably because it was with someone that wasn't me. Said that he only bothered to ask how dd and the dog were because I'd had a go at him earlier 
I can't believe I've lost my temper and I don't feel any better for it. In fact I just feel worse
They got back not long after 3 (I was awake probably due to being worked up and dd was fidgeting). He came in and said nothing despite knowing I was awake.
So this morning I've asked whether we actually intend to get things sorted or will they get brushed under the carpet again.
He said it came across that I was only upset because he didn't say goodbye. So I corrected him that it was because he didn't bother to get in touch until he was actually on the tram and didn't bother to ask how dd was. I explained that it hurt that he then didn't bother until they were back at the car and he wouldn't have to reply anymore as he would be driving. I tried to explain that I was feeling like he was ashamed of me as we never do anything together and his words were "well I can't help how you feel"
Surely he should help how I feel? Surely he should be making me feel like me and dd are his whole world? When in actual fact I feel like the complete opposite at the moment
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Thought I would come out and do a few errands for mum with him. See if we can get rid of this atmosphere and it was ok for a bit. He even had a joke with me.
But then he started talking about yesterday and that he'd got some of the money left over that he'd taken with him. I was looking out of the window day dreaming slightly so didn't answrr him. And he immediately got on the defensive asking why I was being miserable again when he mentioned money. So I said that I didn't want to talk about money as it always gets used against me. Petty - maybe. But that's honestly how it seems sometimes
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