Lonely!

[Simonneilsbeard]

I'm not really sure if this is the right section for this but I'm hoping I'll get pointed in the right direction if I'm wrong.
Iv recently moved to Cheshire with my family and I don't know anyone! I'm feeling so utterly lonely, I have 3 dc, 2 boys at school and a toddler so I'm a sahm for the time being. My dh works away for most of the week.
Iv left all my extended family back home and although we chat via FaceTime and text it's not really the same as having someone to have a coffee with or a good night out!.
Iv joined toddler groups but I'm finding it difficult to make friends there as they seem to be well established little groups of mates and I feel very much the outsider. I'm naturally quite introvert anyway which doesn't really help.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about making new friends before I go stir crazy
Thanks!

[TrippyMcTrapFace]

Without stating your exact location, are you in rural Cheshire or one of the small-ish towns, eg Macclesfield, or one of the bigger towns like Crewe or Warrington?
Have you posted on MN Local Cheshire?
Also, perhaps post this on Chat for more traffic.

[caramelgirl]

I moved abroad and was hideously lonely. Bookclub and gym helped me to make contacts. I accepted ANY invitation going and bought tickets and was early for Christmas fairs etc.. I'm known for helpin to tidy up and hooking up contacts. It's not much but it means I am involved!
Also I think if I'd had a dog it would have helped. I now have people to chat to and things to do. Would not say I have made (m)any life long friends tho'. But I know this is a temporary move which makes it harder maybe.
Good luck!

[Simonneilsbeard]

Hi thanks for your replies.
I'm actually living not far from Warrington.
I don't have access to a car during the week so that kind of limits my activities as well!
There's a social centre nearby so I might drop in there and see if they have any clubs of groups I can get involved in..I'm sort of desperate lol
I'll see if I can get the post moved as well thanks for that!

[Mineiswine69]

The good news is that Northerners are usually a very friendly bunch so once you do become involved then you will be fine.

Try and get to school a bit earlier if you can. There is often quite a social scene on the playground!

You may need to do some of the coffee invites!

Attend all school related events as this gets your face known. Most year groups have mums that are on Facebook or whatsapp groups.

Just out of intestest why did you move to Cheshire when your DH works away all the time? I assume it was work related but seems odd they wanted him to do that if he isn't working in an office.

Cheshire is a lovely county though with lots of countryside, access to Manchester and other large city's with great things to do for you and the kids even if you have to get the train. There are also lots of lovely parks like Tatton Park in Knutsford and Dunham Massey. Try and get yourself a 2nd car, even if it is an old banger. Opens up your options.

[Simonneilsbeard]

Well the move wasn't strictly work related. My husband had worked here when we met and we were long distance for 5 years so travelling back and forth was just expensive and when we had our daughter we felt it was so hard to just be family while we were both in 2 different countries.
Add to that an EA ex partner who also manipulated and ea the children I felt that my life needed to move forward for all of us! And the move has been wonderful for the children, they've settled at school and made friends, they maintain contact with their father but thankfully he doesn't have the same power to control me which has made our family as a whole so much calmer.
Tbh before the move so much focus went into making sure the children were happy and well settled that I didn't count on me being the lonely one lol
Thank you for your suggestions :)

[mummyto2monkeys]

You could try different classes for your toddler, there are usually local music classes, swimming lessons, or messy play sessions at local church halls. Are you religious? My friends church is amazing for socialising, they have kids clubs, Sunday schools, coffee mornings and run toddler groups too. If you are Christian I know they do different bible studies and book groups. I'm disabled and bed bound but am envious of my friends fantastic social life! My friend attends the local baptist church, but it might be worth looking online to see what the different churches offer. In my experience Christian toddler groups are really friendly, usually they are run by a few of the older woman from the church. Even if you have no religious beliefs, these may be better places to meet other Mums.

You could sign up to netmums and look at your local areas page for activity ideas, or you could post a message on your local page (I think its called find a friend) and say you are new to the area and looking to meet people. You may be able to post this on your local adds pasge too.

Alternatively look out for other Mums with toddlers around your little ones age in the school playground. You could say you are new to the area and ask if they can recommend any toddler groups/ classes for the little one.

[Simonneilsbeard]

There are loads of toddler groups locally..not all of them suit me time wise I need to be home for the other 2 being collected from school etc. I manage to go to 2 toddler groups a week and I'm currently scouring the internet for gym glasses that I can join! I think I'm gonna try getting in touch with the social centre and possibly the library??
Trying to be as pro active as I can.
I really didn't expect it to be this hard!
I'm so used to having my family close by and Iv had the same group of friends since school so Iv never had to actively look for people to hang out with lol very strange!

Thank you so much for your suggestions! I really appreciate them

[Umblubblub]

Is there a facebook group for local mums in your area? I moved to a new area where I knew no-one when my son was 8 months. My DH works away in the week too. I was really lonely and like you struggled to make friends. I found a local facebook mums group and met a lovely group of mums through that who 3 years on are really good friends.
Could you also get more involved at school? Does your school have class reps? At my DS's school each class has a couple of reps and part of what they do is organise nights out/coffee mornings for the parents. We've got to know quite a few couples through that too, plus inviting DS's classmates over for play dates is a good way to get to know other mums a bit better.

[Simonneilsbeard]

I had searched on Facebook for local groups but it seems to be mostly cricket or football related but I will have another look!
That's an idea about the school I'll enquire this afternoon when I'm doing the pick up :) thanks for that