Hello all,
So this is my first post on here. I needed some advice from people who can relate.
I'll explain...
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. It has been a bloomin emotional and rocky relationship. He wanted to go traveling which I have done nothing but support him. So when we first started seeing each other, it was on the basis that it was going to end when he went left the country.
Things moved along, and we got a bit more serious and decided that we would stay together whilst he traveled - and he has even reduced his trip from a year to 4 months. We have plans to move in with each other when he is back so everything is positive. Sounds nice right?
Well, he has been away for 3 months now, and I have had a lot of time to reflect on everything. I'll go into my concerns.
- Everything always has to be about him. If I have an issue, I can't raise it as he will snap at me and turn it around.
- He seems to think I have a problem with everything he does - when I dont. Even when he smokes weed with his best friend, or if he meets up with a female mate. I dont have an issue because I trust him. An example - the other week, he met with an old friend whilst on his travels. I had no issue, but when he met her, he sent me a horrid message saying that I have a problem with it bla bla. I was up until 4:30am trying to reason with him and assure him that I didnt have a problem. (I had to be up at 6am!) Why on earth would he do this?
- He is very bad with money. The whole time I have been with him, he has had no money due to saving for his trip. He is now 3 months into it and has run out of money, so his mum is bailing him out. But also, this has meant that valentines day, my birthday etc - I didnt even get a card. Not saying that I need gifts, but small thoughts count right? Considering I got him some pretty cool birthday presents.
- I guess this is a huge concern of mine - and I don't know if Im being selfish for finding this a concern. In the bedroom - he is the most selfish lover I have been with. He never touches me, at all. It's very frustrating... and when I try to hint around it - he is like ''I'll do more to satisfy you'' but he never even tries. He wanks a lot. I know that for sure, because he has such a long refractory period. If he has wanked, we can't have sex. Then again, when we do have sex, he can't last. When we first started talking, he was so sexual over text. But since he has been away - nothing. And he can't go without wanking, so he hasn't even bothered to include me in a conversation about it. How would any of you deal with this? Any advice is needed!!
But the good points - we get on. We share hobbies and he is affectionate in cuddles and that. But he isnt a guy who offers ''verbal affirmation'' He doesnt really compliment me, which I guess has affected my confidence as well. It took him 10 months to say I love you. He can be sweet in that way and I enjoy being around him. But these concerns are big, and I guess with all of the thinking time since he has been away - Im starting to get cold feet. I worry if I will lose my feelings for him.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? If so, how did you deal with it or move it forward?
xxxx