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Ex moving away from DC, Aibu?

(116 Posts)
AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:28:19

Ex h and I have 3 young DC.

We separated a few years ago (I left him). I'm in a relationship and have a new baby.

Ex and I don't get on.

He has DC 3 days a week, I have them 4. He's a great dad and kids adore him, he's always been very hands on and a big part of their lives.

He has a gf who lives up north. He drives 6 hours to see her every other weekend.

She's just announced she's pregnant....hmm He's decided to move up there and see them at weekends... Kids are devastated.

How do I handle this? Aibu to be pissed off and worried?

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:29:28

*see DC at weekends

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Wed 09-Nov-16 22:33:46

What ages are your DC? I can see his dilemma too, new kid and relationship, suppos me it may be easier for him to drive 6hrs and have company at the time home doesn't have DC from your relationship.

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:36:08

4, 7 and 10

39up Wed 09-Nov-16 22:37:58

I think worried is reasonable, but I can see his point of view. I guess his DP and new DC will need him too. Could you look at moving too? Maybe shift the family to that area?

What is his support structure/job/family situation where you are? Might it be feasible for her to move to you? It isn't hugely fair to expect his life to never change and for them never to be together though.

AmberEars Wed 09-Nov-16 22:42:00

Now he's expecting a baby with her it's reasonable for him to want to live with her. Unless she can move or you can move, I guess this is the only option. I can see why you're upset though - v sad for the DC.

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:42:27

It would be ideal if she were to move here. I don't think she wants to though.

AmberEars Wed 09-Nov-16 22:43:33

In other words I think YANBU to be pissed off but YABU to try and stop him.

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Wed 09-Nov-16 22:43:56

What about you moving a couple of hours closer to her?

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:44:36

I feel like it's my fault, that I've created this sad situation for my DC by leaving him.

I'm also worried how I'll cope having them for more time and not having their father around for help.

AstrantiaMallow Wed 09-Nov-16 22:44:36

Well it's crap for you and the kids but then you can't do much. You'll probably need to get organised as he's going to see less of them. But equally you can't resent his girlfriend being pregnant and him wanting to be closer. (I say that as the ex-w of someone who quickly moved abroad and doesn't see his kids). Sounds like you need to be practical fast!
Has he said how often he plans to see the kids?

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:45:53

She has a child with a man who lives 10 minutes from us so really it would be easier for her to move here.

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:46:15

Another man, not ex h!

AmberEars Wed 09-Nov-16 22:48:58

But it's her choice and his choice. Maybe he's already suggested that? You can't force her to if she doesn't want to. Sorry - I know it's sad for you sad

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:49:08

He plans to see them every weekend but I think this will fizzle out fast.

His new gf will want to spend some weekend time with him if he's working full time.

They seem to enjoy spending time with him more than with me, there's so many little things that won't happen anymore sad

Lunar1 Wed 09-Nov-16 22:51:51

Make your your maintenance is increased accordingly. Does he plan to travel EOW to see your children? I think it's a bloody horrible thing to move away from your children, and he's an idiot to have got himself into this situation.

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:51:53

I can't help but think his new gf has done this on purpose

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:53:02

My maintenance will barely go up as he'll be living with their child and her child.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Wed 09-Nov-16 22:53:49

I understand why you're worried and the change is sad for the kids...but. Why the hmm face about her having a baby with him. You've had a baby with another man, does that also warrant a hmm

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:56:11

I think she's fallen pregnant on purpose, hence the hmm.

She tried to get her ex to stay with her by doing this. She lives in ex h's hometown and I have a good friend there who knows the ex.

39up Wed 09-Nov-16 22:56:11

Well, maybe they did plan to have a baby. They are entitled to do so. I don't think it's fair to pull faces about him having a new family, as you've done that.

I guess just try and work out a practical solution. I know one friend of mine who has the kids during term time and their DF has the kids during the holidays. Might that work better?

Keepingupwiththejonesys Wed 09-Nov-16 22:57:57

He's said he will see them every weekend, don't really think people can bad mouth him as there's every chance this will happen as he has said. He sounds like a good dad who's in a situation that yes, could have been different but it is what it is now. As for his gf wanting him there some weekends. Maybe an arrangement where he comes to see the kids where you live eow then the weekends in between they go and stay with him would he the best. That way he's still seeing his kids every week but also spends time with his gf and baby. That baby will also be their sibling so a relationship will be a good thing

AppleJacker Wed 09-Nov-16 22:59:25

But how would they travel 6 hours alone?

Keepingupwiththejonesys Wed 09-Nov-16 23:00:40

They wouldn't. He's the one who's moving so he would have to pick them up. I think that's only fair. When someone in this situation moves its up to them to cover the travel expenses. If him and his gf aren't happy with this they will have to move

userformallyknownasuser1475360 Wed 09-Nov-16 23:02:36

Could you split the travel? I.e. He collects them from you & you from him?

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