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Worried I'll bump into my tormentor again

(12 Posts)
ManagersDilemma Wed 09-Nov-16 22:18:51

While at university I was badly bullied for over a year. It was so serious that the police got involved due to rape threats being made against me, and the ringleader narrowly escaped being expelled. Unfortunately we have ended up working in similar fields. I'm going to an event tomorrow and have realised that he works there. It's unlikely I'll see him as it's a big company, but I'm absolutely shitting myself just thinking about it. Pulling out is not an option as I'm the only person from my company who is attending. Wtf am I going to do if he is there?

AntiqueSinger Wed 09-Nov-16 22:46:08

Summon your courage, and if you bump into him ignore, ignore ignore! The truth is he'll probably be shitting himself wondering if you'll gossip about him to anyone. Bullies are cowards who need to see a reaction from you. Please don't give this arsewipe the satisfaction of getting a reaction from you. Why the fuck should you start changing your plans for him? Does your life belong to him?

Also he was able to harass you in a specific context - uni- with his friends to back him up. He won't have that here. He'll have to be professional. Actually I'd say you have more power here. You can talk about him, damage his image. And rape threats NEVER go down well with people; just hearing that someone working in their field very did such a thing would be enough for people to give him a wide berth. I know I would.

I advise going for the reason that avoiding the situation will reinforce the fear associated with this person. But if you can't face it, perhaps raise your fears and explain situation with HR? Perhaps they could send someone else? Also have a friend you can call if you do bump into him and find it hard to cope. Bullies are cowards. Best of luckflowers

Lorelei76 Wed 09-Nov-16 22:46:56

I feel for you
In terms of dealing with it, think gird yourself for an Oscar winning performance, you may be required to shake hands etc.
How long ago was this?
What time is the event, is it too late for someone to go in your place? I realise you might not want to take that approach though.

Liiinoo Wed 09-Nov-16 23:02:39

I second going and if he is there, ignore, ignore, ignore. And if needed, avoid, avoid, avoid. If he approaches you or is steered towards you, veer off to the loo or suddenly need to make an urgent phone call.

Remember you are the powerful one now. You can destroy his career with a few well placed reminiscences. I wouldn't recommend doing that, but if it was me I would be comforted by knowing I could if I wanted to.

I hope it goes well.

tallwivglasses Wed 09-Nov-16 23:30:29

Shake hands? No no. Proclaim sudden allergic skin rash if he comes anywhere close. You'll be fine OP

ManagersDilemma Wed 09-Nov-16 23:42:19

You are all SO right! He would be ten times more embarrassed than me if we met again. I could even pretend that we'd never met before. That would be a brilliant head-fuck. I have no intention of ruining his career (though I'd be delighted if he did it all by himself!) but just the possibility would make him squirm.

BerylStreep Wed 09-Nov-16 23:51:34

Perhaps some sort of enigmatic comment if you are thrust together?

'Hello XX, yes, long time. I hope you have been behaving yourself in the intervening years? <fake smile, followed by head tilt>

It gives the impression he has no power, even if you are quaking inside.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 10-Nov-16 02:28:34

Brilliant suggestion from Beryl.

As you tilt your head, narrow your eyes and let the fake smile become a smug smirk before turning on your heel and swanning off to mingle elsewhere That should serve to make him shit himself cut him off at the knees.

I'll be sending you girlpower by thoughtwave tonight - be prepared for a surge in your 'I can rock anything' vibe. grin '

skilledintheartofnothing Thu 10-Nov-16 12:44:43

You have all the power here. He will be shitting himself incase you open your mouth and tell anyone about his past.
Go hold your head up high.

I would also be tempted to shit him up a bit ..if he came over to you by saying "oh, hello X, i was just talking about you"

skilledintheartofnothing Thu 10-Nov-16 12:46:47

Also it sounds barmy but try practising a few things in the mirror, it helps build your confidence and stops you falling over your words in a panic (also helps you to remember something good to say - - - i usually come up with something cracking about a week later) grin

jeaux90 Thu 10-Nov-16 13:05:07

Everyone is right OP you'll be fine. When I am nervous before I walk in anywhere I just pause a second, put my shoulders back my chin up and stride in. Good luck x

BeverlyGoldberg Thu 10-Nov-16 13:08:53

Leopards don't change their spots - he might be doing similar to his colleagues or at least be known as an unpleasant character.

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