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Need advice. I do not know where to start.

(8 Posts)
flyingsaucer1234 Wed 09-Nov-16 12:34:34

I apologise for the long ramble in advance, but I really need some constructive advice as I have no where and no one to turn to.
But of background. I am 30 with a 2 year old DD. Have a long term partner of 7 years.
I have no family at all. Broke contact years ago after an abusive childhood. No friends thanks to originally mental illness relating to childhood and now lack of time and confidence in myself.
Anyway, to the point. I feel completely trapped. Things have been awful for the last year after my partner was suspended from work pending disaplinary. He has just lost his job and we are well and truly screwed. This has turned him into a mess. He has lost all confidence and drive and fight and is so hard to live with.
He has been desperately looking for work but keeps being turned down, apparently narrowly missing out.
I in the meantime am working every hour god sends including over night with nect to know sleep as he "cannot deal with" our DD at the moment. I am being shouted at and having everything taken out on me. Despite woking as hard as I can, looking after the house, DD, finances and well everything including him, while he shouts at me and blames everyone else for his problems.
I just cannot cope. I am shattered and habe no fight. I have had to give up my degree in order to taken oj more working hours which I resent greatly. It sounds awful but this situation has made me resent him. I feel so trapped and alone. I can't get through to.him and I am running myself into the ground. We cannot pay our rent and bills on my salary even with me working 50.hour weeks. I feel like mt whole world is crashing down and I am powerless to stop it and my relationship has fallen apart.
I feel like I have let DD down already.
I hate my job with a passion and it is very hard, gruelling work for little pay.
My relationship is falling apart. I just do not know where to start to sort things.
I have suffered with deep depression and anxiety which largely I beat but I can feel.the feelings rearing their head again but if I fall apart. Well.. I have no option i just can't. I don'tknow what I am expecting from this post really. I have no one in real life to talk to and I am pulling myself apart. Any advice if you got this far would be so greatly received. Thank you.

IreallyKNOWiamright Wed 09-Nov-16 15:37:36

Hi sorry no one has replied yet. I don't know what to advise other than you need to find some time to talk. You can't keep taking All responsibility both earning and looking after dd/house. He needs to some how pick himself up again. Maybe could you encourage him to speak with gp about counselling.

LunaJuna Wed 09-Nov-16 15:57:50

Oh I'm so sorry OP, you're under so much pressure ! No one can cope with that on the long term ...
I don't know from where you should start but you need a straight talk to him. He needs to pull himself together and help you! And find a job...
Hopefully you'll find a better job too. Don't give up. Keep strong flowers

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Wed 09-Nov-16 16:04:03

Another one just wanting to let you know I've read and sympathised.

I don't know the answer, I imagine you're too knackered to even think about getting a new job.

Do you want to stay together? Could he leave for a while to get his head sorted and look for a job?

Would it be possible to go back to uni as a lone parent, rather than slog away for little pay?


something2say Wed 09-Nov-16 16:19:35

I'd ask him to stay elsewhere for a time.
That will cease the shouting.
Also how about a tax credits application?
And he can live apart from you both, see how he hates it and then either get a job or not, and if not, then you are at lest safer.
And if he does, then he can come home perhaps.

flyingsaucer1234 Wed 09-Nov-16 16:58:56

Thank you for replying. I thought I was missing something not knowing whete to start.
He has tried counselling on my insistence. As soon as they remotely suggested some of the way he feels could be related to.his outlook and that some of what he is stressed about stems from his behaviour- that was it
He refused to speak to them ever again.
I have tried talking to him, it takes until I burst into tears on the verge of breakdown for him to listen and he tries for one day then it is back to normal.
The trouble is I have no idea if I want to be with him.anymore. it is hell at the moment and I am seeing a side to.him I never knew existed. That may be clouding my judgement. But I truly do not know how I feel about him anymore.
We are currentky looking at tax credits and the like as a temporary measure. I just didn't want it being a safety net that allowed stay off work longer as we are 'getting by'. I am just so desperate to do the best by DD. It is so hard.

LunaJuna Wed 09-Nov-16 18:59:53

Stress can bring out the worst in people, if you feel you don't love him anymore it will probably be worth spending some time apart to figure out.
It's never an easy decision specially if you don't have the support from family and friends, but coming home to a nice environment will help you feel much better and will give you strength .
Do get help from tax credit , its there for times like these !

pallasathena Fri 11-Nov-16 19:42:02

Its time to put yourself and your little one first. No drama, just you and your children and everything else that is unhelpful, hurtful or negative is superfluous to your needs.
You have the right to be happy, to be valued, to be heard, to be listened to. When someone in your life denies you any of those rights, they are abusing you.
Assert your independence and be free of him.

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