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It's taken him two years to tell me...

(17 Posts)
user1478651093 Wed 09-Nov-16 00:39:05

Good evening (or morning) everyone,

So I'm not a mother, I lost my baby 12 months ago now and I come on here as I get comfort from you women giving me advice (or harsh truths sometimes) I deleted my old account but somehow I'm back here...

So here is what I need to talk about:

2 years ago I went over to Belfast with work. I was away from the end of October till the 23rd of December!

In those two months I was there, 8 became really good friends with someone...he was a really sweet guy, we kept in touch.

Recently we got speaking about work, the times we spent together with friends in Belfast and general chit chat about life.

As the conversation opened up, he found the courage to tell me that when I was in Belfast, he always had feelings for me. Due to me starting a new relationship when I went out there, he didn't want to step on anyone's toes.

As we discussed it more, he told me that he's never looked at a girl the same way, that he told all his friends about me, but, like true Irish gentlemen, they told him to not say anything and to not cause any awkwardness, as this could ruin our friendship.

The thing is...as much as I shouldn't have, I found myself liking him too, when I was over there. It was hard, we never did anything, no kissing, no touching, not even flirting (much).

My relationship with the guy I was with ended when I came home, after finding out he'd been seeing another girl. It was a blessing in disguise, I later found out he had a wife also!

So, now, I'm single, happy but very confused after being told how he feels. It makes me regret those two months, but, it's also brought back feelings I can't suppress anymore. Since he told me we've spoken nearly every day, not loads but the odd message here and there.

I'm really confused with what I should do or say. He lives in Northern Ireland and I live in England. It's so confusing because the chemistry I had with him, was so natural, I didn't have to try, and neither did he.

What are your thoughts?

Unsurechicken Wed 09-Nov-16 01:01:00

Why not book a flight over and have a catch up?

user1478651093 Wed 09-Nov-16 01:04:20

Maybe...I don't know what to do. I feel like he told me for the sake of telling me. He said he wishes he didn't fuck it up and just told me.

It's all I've thought about since Friday night.

Kiwiinkits Wed 09-Nov-16 01:19:48

I've been in your position before. I regret massively how I handled it. Like you, I tore myself up in knots. I ached, I pined. What I didn't do was get on the phone or get on a plane and talk about it with him. It's pretty easy to communicate, just be brave!
In the end it fizzled out. I wish I'd just come out and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend or not. All that angst for nothing.

user1478651093 Wed 09-Nov-16 01:43:18

I guess I'm just scared of looking like an idiot sad

It's strange how I moved on when I got back from Belfast...and now I feel this way.

HappyCamel Wed 09-Nov-16 02:00:37

If you're single and he's single then I think you've got a lot to gain and not a lot to lose by exploring it.

Don't worry about embarrassment or whatever anyone else thinks. People are mostly wrapped up in themselves and just want you to be happy.they aren't gong to be interested in the vagaries of your dating life.

Italiangreyhound Wed 09-Nov-16 02:01:17

user1478651093 so sorry to hear about your beloved lost baby.

In your shoes I would go for it.

Contact him, say you were flattered and intrigued by his comments and would like to get together sometime. Be as direct or vague as you like. Let him suggest something, or you do so if you wish.

If you fall in love, you could live near him, near you or elsewhere. It is a long way off. Perhaps. But if you are thinking about him and not involved with anyone else, why not go for it.

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:15:30

Instead of you going there or him coming here, why dont you suggest that you meet halfway?

Where in the UK are you? You could have a weekend in somewhere a short hop by plane, say Liverpool, stay in seperate hotels, and then meet up for dinner, outings, whatever and see how you both feel.

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:16:42

And you know what they say, you always regret what you didnt do more than what you did do.

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:17:21

Oh and there are an awful lot of people on here who are not parents, you dont need to justify posting on here smile

Bogeyface Wed 09-Nov-16 02:18:27

And I am sorry that I missed that you lost your baby, I am so sorry flowers

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 09-Nov-16 02:45:57

It seems he is holding a candle for you...
You have a lot to loose if you don't contact him.

Fingers crossed.

sofato5miles Wed 09-Nov-16 03:36:22

If you fancy him still, arrange to meet up. Book separate rooms just in case there is no spark and take it from there. Word the invite casually 'let's have a catch up, fancy meeting me in....'

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 09-Nov-16 04:02:49

Oh love, life's too short not to go for it. Just pick up the phone, tell him you're coming and book a plane. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but only if you make it!

I'm real sorry about your baby. flowers

girlinacoma Wed 09-Nov-16 04:41:19

Get yourself back to Belfast. Cosy up in one of the booths at The Crown Liquor Saloon and see what happens. Be honest with him about your feelings and don't hold back.

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby flowers

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 09-Nov-16 05:29:55

Should have said, it took him 2 years to fess up his feelings. You need to go over there.

Fuckingitup Wed 09-Nov-16 07:03:45

Sorry about your baby OP.

As someone whose nearly 20 year relationship with stbxh started in a similar way (but reverse the countries!) I am perhaps a little less romantic... grin

I would definitely go for it and agree life is too short. But if you are making the first move, make sure he puts as much effort into it as you. dont just move after 2 weeks of sex

And take your time!

And yes, the Crown would be perfect for a date. smile

Good luck

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