Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DS and DIL

(5 Posts)
birdladyfromhomealone Wed 09-Nov-16 00:19:06

Expect a flaming but need some constructive advice.
Our DS married 18mths ago a lovely girl from another culture (this is relevant)
Her family did not know about our DS for over five years, in which time we welcomed her into our family and hearts wholeheartedly.
We bought them a house but they wanted to live in the near big city where their secret relationship would be safer. She went home every weekend and our DS was alone.
20 months ago the secret was out and they married happily 18 mths ago.
They lived in the city near to us but travelled to her home town every weekend to spend the weekend with her family.
Our DS has a very well paid job in our near city our DIL has a career that she gave up due to not enjoying it and now works part - time.
Tonight our DS has told us he is moving into her parents home 300miles away in three weeks time.
They have both resigned today and are going to be looking for jobs in Dec.
Our DS went to uni and has given up a fantastic career to move to a town where there is massive unemployment. He may never get a job in his field in this city.
We love them both dearly- there is no MIL/DIL issues here.
However we feel we have lost them- they visited her family weekly.
Since the wedding they have stayed with us 3 times but we travel to meet them monthly in a restaurant when they finish work.
I guess the next news will be a baby- hence the move into the family home.
I am bothered how this move will effect our relationship with them. We might only see them 3/4 times a year sad

ravenmum Wed 09-Nov-16 03:09:32

Maybe get some kind of travelcard?

AcrossthePond55 Wed 09-Nov-16 03:30:36

The way I see it, there's not much you can do but try to maintain contact as much as you can. To complain or point out what your son is giving up is only going to cause problems between you and them. Grit your teeth and keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully they'll find life with the in-laws less than they hope for and if you've maintained some neutrality chances are they'll turn to you for help.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 09-Nov-16 03:54:57

Where are they going and what fors he do? Are you retired and do you think you might move closer to them if there are grandchildren st some point? My parents live in the us and my in laws 300 miles away but with technology we maintain a good relationship.

MatildaTheCat Wed 09-Nov-16 13:35:51

It sounds tough but DIL clearly has a strong need to be near her family and ds respects that and is happy to move to accommodate that. You are probably right about the baby and from her point of view perhaps her compromise was living in the first city until they wanted DC.

Nothing you can do except be pleased and supportive. If they are happy to travel now perhaps they'll make the effort to visit you and you can go there. It's a situation whereby one set of PIL are bound to be living quite distant from them.

Once you are over the shock try to look for ways to make this a positive. Surely your ds has considered and researched His employment opportunities? My parents live a similar distance and it's been fine. On the bright side they were never called in for emergency cover when DC were young!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now