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I can't get over 2 years of dating site cheating.

(18 Posts)
Fedupofhim Mon 07-Nov-16 20:08:46

As the title says, but I can't cope either with thought of losing our 'family'.
He swears it will never happen again, yet it still would be if I hadn't caught him. Difference now though is he was away from home m-f and now he's home.
I just feel overwhelmed with lose/lose situation.sad
I won't feel better whatever he does now, will I???

ALaughAMinute Mon 07-Nov-16 20:23:12

If he's a serial cheater there is very little chance he will change. If I were you I'd make plans to kick him out or leave. Sorry.

ITCouldBeWorse Mon 07-Nov-16 20:33:39

Two years of cheating is not a mistake, it is a lifestyle choice.

I'm afraid the family you nurtured is broken by the damage your h has done for fun.

I daresay your heart is broken. Give it a chance to heal by making plans for your new life.

Sorry for your loss, because it is like a bereavement.

puppies2016 Mon 07-Nov-16 20:40:27

I have walked away from a long term cheater recently, I will not lie it has been heart wrenching and devastating but I will not waste my life with someone who can think so little of me and our children.
Take each day as it comes, but remember you are better than him and deserve so much more!

SandyY2K Mon 07-Nov-16 20:42:00

Many people cheat even when they don't work away from him.

I'm a firm believer of consequences. What consequences has he faced as a result of this long term cheating?

Since dday has he actually felt that you would divorce him? Has he realised what's at stake and what he could loose?

Maybe a period of seperation with Hi moving out would give you some time to think.

If a cheater doesn't come close to loosing their family or face up to what they did or even fully realise how devastated their spouse is, then why exactly won't they do it again.

This infidelity website is pretty helpful

AnyFucker Mon 07-Nov-16 20:46:36

Him being away mon-fri is not why he cheated

AnyFucker Mon 07-Nov-16 20:47:36

Chump lady is another good website

SandyY2K Mon 07-Nov-16 21:55:33

away from him.

Should be away from home.

RolfsBabyGrand Mon 07-Nov-16 22:49:53

It's not lose/lose situation. You can win the future you deserve.

It's not easy to tell him to leave but it's a lot easier than spending the rest of your relationship doubting his every move. Believe me, I gave mine several chances. Serial cheater, it finally ended seven months ago and it's been tough but I still think "thank fuck I got out of that". x

Fedupofhim Mon 07-Nov-16 23:13:03

Thanks for the support folks. My head is bursting. Is it normal to feel fine, shattered and just want to sleep, then wham, hits me like a ton of bricks. 2 f'ing years!!!! I can't process all the deceipt.angry

Underchipsandpeas Mon 07-Nov-16 23:28:03

I worked for many years away from home m-f and sometimes longer. I was one of the few women there, the vast majority were married men, older than me, with families.
Most didn't cheat. The ones that did, did it because they could, not because they particularly wanted to. The first time they'd cheat they'd be mortified and excited in equal measure. The second time, calmer. And from then on, the OW would be just something they did whilst they were away. Of no more consequence than going to the gym, or being in the pub quiz team. Like a hobby that their wives happened not to be involved in.
Questions about them leaving their wives for their work-away squeezes were met with incredulity and ridicule.

Whilst it will seem a huge betrayal of you, and your family, and I'm not for a second minimising that, the way your husband may have framed it in his own mind was this meant nothing, and was no reflection on you whatsoever.

I hope that helps in some way. X

talesofthevillage Tue 08-Nov-16 01:02:07

Yes I think for some men it is almost a habit. I think my exp did it before our relationship, although covered it well, so he could never feel too bad in his head about what he did to our relationship. I saw a flash of guilt and remorse then he hightailed it because he didn't want me knowing how bad it was.

OP, it is a lot to process. You can't do it quickly unfortunately. Allow yourself time. Lean on people, get support. I remember that feeling of the betrayal feeling so huge I didn't know how to handle it. The feeling passes.

AnyFucker Tue 08-Nov-16 06:29:57

Ugh, Underchips, that scenario is worse to me

I could understand an affair where there were feelings involved. But to use women like they are disposable indicates a certain mindset that is totally abhorrent to me.

Fedupofhim Tue 08-Nov-16 09:58:53

Thanks. Do you have personal experience of infidelity, if you don't mind me asking ANYFUCKER? Or just very strong opinions on this?

Fedupofhim Tue 08-Nov-16 10:01:04

PS, do you know WHY he cheated then, if that had nothing to do with it.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 08-Nov-16 13:15:21

He cheated because he has no respect for you or the 'family unit'
He cheated because he could
He cheated because he has no moral compass
He cheated because he's a weak and feeble 'man'

My first step would be your local GUM clinic.
Can you imagine what kind of STI's he might have got?
He's put your health at risk as well here.

I am usually very much not one for saying LTB with infidelity.
But this is beyond OK.
2 feckin' years.
2 years of sticking his fingers up to you M-F!
I couldn't deal with it.
But this is YOUR life and YOUR decision.
Don't rush into anything.
Don't do the 'pick me' dance.
Please do give yourself some space away from him though to get your head fully around this without him in your head-space.

AnyFucker Tue 08-Nov-16 17:08:08

Fed, I have personal experience albeit a long time ago

Strong opinions ? You betcha

Christinayangstwistedsista Tue 08-Nov-16 19:04:35

no you won't feel better , as your family has already changed

It's so very painful, but the quicker you face the reality of the situation the quicker you can sort your life out

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