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My husband forgot my ultrasound scan

(67 Posts)
Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 15:53:02

I'm pregnant and am having regular growth scans. On Friday I had my latest and they found a slight problem that will need further monitoring, my husband fully forgot.

He wasn't due to attend with me, but didn't ask how it went or anything. When I mentioned that he had forgotten in the evening he said it was my fault for not reminding him.

I'm wasting my time waiting for the man I married to reappear aren't I?

orangebird69 Mon 07-Nov-16 15:54:58

Meh. That's men for you imo.

DearMrDilkington Mon 07-Nov-16 15:58:49

It's a bit crap that he forgot but his only human. Everyone forgets stuff sometimes no matter how important.

lilydaisyrose Mon 07-Nov-16 15:59:59

I've had lots of extra scans and my husband has never remembered of his own accord even though it's on our joint Google calendar!!

NerrSnerr Mon 07-Nov-16 16:00:37

I don't know. My husband is really good and is very thoughtful but he forgot I had a consultant's appointment this week as he'd got it mixed up with my 16 week appointment. If this is the only thing he's done personally I wouldn't worry.

Agn61 Mon 07-Nov-16 16:01:50

Men for you.

justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 07-Nov-16 16:04:53

TBH both DH and I have been known to do this. I'd be far more concerned if he showed no interest after you'd reminded him.

5moreminutes Mon 07-Nov-16 16:05:22

I think your communication from both sides might be off DH didn't come to my scans with dc3 but I didn't wait to see whether he'd forgotten, we have an ongoing dialogue so I mentioned before (not to remind, just without motive really I suppose as part f general chat) and phoned him when I came out to let him know how it went.

Has communication broken down on both sides? You're waiting to see whether he remembers then instead of being eager to share your worries you open the subject by telling him he forgot, and he's saying it's your "fault" - not great on either side.

Maybe a talk about talking to each other is in order! wink mutual agreement to communicate.

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:05:25

No, it's not the only problem with our relationship but I do think it's something that should be remembered.

Perhaps I am being too harsh, but I thought it should be more important to him than it clearly was and I also think it's entirely inappropriate for him to blame me for him forgetting.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru Mon 07-Nov-16 16:06:41

I'm not excusing it but pregnancy is very real for you. You have a baby growing inside of you, you might be feeling his or her movements by now, but even if not then the rest of your body will be reminding you.
Your husband has none of this and sometimes it can take time to really become real for them.
This is not an excuse for forgetting something important, anything important that you would want him to remember but please don't take it as a rejection of you or your baby.
If he is otherwise generally caring and attentive and a good husband then it's probably an unfortunately moment of forgetfulness. Even though it feels much huger to you. Most of us have had a similar moment in pregnancy, albeit if the fine details are different.
Sit with him and explain how it made you feel. Your relationship as parents will take many knocks. If the relationship is otherwise good don't let this foster and taint your marriage.

BowiesJumper Mon 07-Nov-16 16:07:43

Not all men have crap memories or forget important events. That's sexist crap. If you are feeling that he is being unsupportive or disinterested then that is very valid and you need to talk to him about it.

OhNoNotMyBaby Mon 07-Nov-16 16:08:32

People forget but I can't get over the "it's your fault because you didn't remind me..." thing. I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING DIARY/MOTHER/NANNY is the appropriate response here I feel.

It's simply an abdication of responsibility and my ex was a master at it...

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:09:30

Justwantto unfortunately he didn't show any interest. I told him an account of what happened and he replied "oh that's not good, what's for tea?"

I think i probably should have added this onto a previous thread rather than started a new one. Lesson learnt.

DearMrDilkington Mon 07-Nov-16 16:10:20

I agree with bowie, my dp remembered the dates of my appointments better than I did when I was pregnantblush. I have awful memory for things like this but it doesn't mean it isn't important to me.

DearMrDilkington Mon 07-Nov-16 16:11:30

Ah pasta I can see why your pissed off now. Is this your first child with him?

Trifleorbust Mon 07-Nov-16 16:14:58

I find this quite a tricky issue tbh - I expect my DH to remember when I have a midwife appointment and I expect him to be as anxious about the baby's progress as I am myself, but very often he isn't and I can't work out whether I am being unreasonable or not to mind as much as I do. I know he cares about us and would do anything for me, but I don't think he feels the way I do yet about the baby. Perhaps this is normal.

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:20:40

DearMr - No, it's my second. It's all a bit of a mess and now I'm questioning whether I am being too hard on him .

But honestly I think it's 50% his child too and he knows there are regular scans because of a problem. I think even if we weren't married it would still be his responsibility to show interest in his child.

I'm a good mother and i try very hard to be a good wife in very challenging circumstances (he has been very hard work lately!). I do expect better and that is all there is to it.

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:26:10

And following on from my previous thread about him; if he has time for extra hobbies (that he never forgets) he has time to show interest in his unborn child!

SapphireStrange Mon 07-Nov-16 16:30:00

It's not just how men are. hmm FFS. Everyone forgets things sometimes, regardless of their genitalia. Equally, everyone is capable of not caring/bothering much about things, also regardless of their genitalia.

It's up to the OP to know or decide how much of each is at play in this situation and deal with it accordingly.

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:34:13

I agree everyone forgets but surely it's not right to blame the person you have upset?

And to everyone that has experienced similar; shouldn't we expect better not assume that people will forget?

daisychain01 Mon 07-Nov-16 16:36:56

No, no, and thrice no! All these male apologists, letting them off the hook. It's like "boys will be boys" as an explanation for bullying or roughness. If women hold such low expectations for men, how will things improve in society.

Pickled0nions Mon 07-Nov-16 16:37:11

This is his baby though people saying communicate.. He should surely remember to ask how his unborn child is developing? Let alone actually remembering she has a scan to attend. This ain't some random appointment whereby he forgot and she forgot to remind him.

I would be disappointed too OP. You have lots of hormones going on right now too so that will only add to situation. It's very unfair of him to minimise the details of the scan like that.

He doesn't sound very caring.

SapphireStrange Mon 07-Nov-16 16:37:24

OP, no, I don't think it's right to blame the person you have upset. Maybe I should have said something to that effect. IMO you mentioning that he had forgotten was his chance to apologise, not to strike out at you.

daisychain01 Mon 07-Nov-16 16:40:19

Wallpaper, he's useless. And why should you have to reeducate him?

I won't be surprised if you say he didn't have strong male role models during his childhood.... That's normally how it starts.

Sorry, he should be falling over himself to know how his baby is sad

Wallpaperpasta Mon 07-Nov-16 16:44:06

If it was him carrying the baby I'd ask everyday how he was (I do anyway) and also how the baby was. I would show interest.

He doesn't show interest and it's now extended to forgetting my appointments. I do not think it's good enough.

Daisy- that's how the replies felt to be honest. My extended family show interest, my friends (even those possessing penises) remember so why doesn't he?

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