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Just been called a selfish cunt (need a vent.)

(156 Posts)
snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 13:25:53

I feel like an idiot coming back and saying that once again dh has called me a cunt in front of our son for a relatively small offence.

We came back into the house after being out this morning and let the dog out into the garden to have a wee. The dog stepped in some dog poo and walked it through the living room. I locked the dog outside again and I asked dh to pick up our 17mo ds to stop him stepping in it. He said 'no, he wants to clean the dog's paws first'. I say, 'leave the dog's paws and let me sort the floor out, so that ds can go back down', because he likes to be down and play and explore. I disinfect the floor, and then it occurs to me that it's lunch time and ds can go in his high chair and have lunch and that keeps him off the wet floor and frees up dh for cleaning the dog's paws. He says, 'if you bring me the high chair, I'll put him in it'. It's only a few feet away from him so I say 'no, I'm making ds' lunch so just pop him in it'. I make the lunch and bring it through and say, 'ok you can do the dogs paws now'. He then starts arguing with me saying I'd offered to do it - I am adament I didn't. He then says, 'oh you get the easy job of feeding ds then while I clean dog's paws'. I just ask him again to clean the dogs paws and ask him to pick him up so he doesn't walk poo in the house when I've just cleaned it. So he says, 'you really are a selfish cunt'. He lets the dog into the house, who still has poo all over him. He cleans the paws and then shouts, you will need to mop the whole downstairs again. (It's a small house) he's stomped off upstairs.

Is this ridiculous or what. Was I wrong?

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 13:26:58

Sorry for the wall of text. Just needed to get it all down.

Simonneilsbeard Mon 07-Nov-16 13:28:50

Yes's ridiculous you're right. Why are you tolerating a man who calls you names in front of your young son? Totally and utterly unacceptable.
I take it he has form for this?
Are in a position to leave?

BastardGoDarkly Mon 07-Nov-16 13:29:50

Well, you were probably both being snappy and arsey, but calling you a cunt in front of your toddler?! No way, is this a common occurrence? I couldn't put up with that.

ofudginghell Mon 07-Nov-16 13:31:01

It sounds to me like dog poo on the floor is by the whole situation here.
Have you had issues before with the arguing and name calling?

Me and dh have had our fall outs over the years don't get me wrong but he has never called me names especially not in front of my dc.
In a situation like the dog poo one (we have dogs and it's happened before many timeshmm) we would just quickly say who's doing what to deal with it.
It's not a major thing at all,so if sounds like a huge over reaction to me.
Sorry if that's no help.
In answering the Aibu question it sounds like both of you are to me but if other things aren't right you will both be on constant defensive xx

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 13:31:33

I'm positive I wasn't snapping. He has done this before so I was being extremely polite! So I thought. Maybe not.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 07-Nov-16 13:36:12

You have written about him before calling you such names and he has not changed at all. He will not do so. You still walk on eggshells (aka living in fear) around the man.

All you can do is leave ultimately; your son will otherwise grow up thinking that yes, this is how women are treated in relationships. This is no life for your or your son to be witness to now.

Madinche1sea Mon 07-Nov-16 13:42:07

No way should you be called that word by anyone, let alone your DH, regardless of the circumstances. It's appalling. I'm very sorry but you can't put up with that.

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 13:44:59

I have no idea what to do. He's upstairs sulking now. If I tell him not to talk to me like that, he'll tear me apart because I didn't do the dog's paws!

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 07-Nov-16 13:53:58

Sulking is never about silence; its about control. He does this because it works for him, it has people like you worried.

I would urge you to call Womens Aid when he is out of the house and seek their advice on 0808 2000 247. You and in turn your son are being abused.

How does the thought of leaving him sound to you?.

Madinche1sea Mon 07-Nov-16 13:56:44

Well if it was me I'd be in tears and tell him to get out. But if he's likely to kick off again it's probably best to leave him for now. Maybe go somewhere else for the night? Would this be possible at all? Don't engage with him until he's calmed down.

YeOldMa Mon 07-Nov-16 13:58:58

I would put money on it that it isn't going to get any better. He sounds like a foul mouthed spoiled child and letting the dog in to tread more poo around seems vindictive. flowers

Clandestino Mon 07-Nov-16 14:00:43

Snapping or not - being called a selfish cunt is a big no no.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 07-Nov-16 14:03:43

Forget about the dog's paws. They aren't the issue.

The issue is that your DH's go to response at times of misunderstanding is to call his DW a "cunt". Young DS or no young DS, I wouldn't stand for my DH calling me that. Nor should you.

Had you been bickering whilst out or was this totally out of the blue?

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 14:05:05

Yes I think it is a control thing- I wanted to do things differently to him so he was instantly feeling out of control. Making me need to clean more poo up definitely was vindictive.

I can't leave really. I am a sahp with no income, and we are in the middle of a house move.

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 14:08:24

Totally out of the blue. We were having a very nice morning.

ChinUpChestOut Mon 07-Nov-16 14:08:31

No one should call you a cunt, least of all the one person who has promised to love and cherish you. There's nothing that you can do that would warrant that kind of name calling.

Do you ever call him a cunt? What would happen if you did? I'm guessing it would kick off into WWIII. If you haven't already had a sit down conversation about how you and he manage your disagreements, then I suggest now is the time to do it. If you already have, then I would recommend you look long and hard at all aspects of his other behaviour and evaluate, because frankly he'd have to be perfect in all other ways for me to put up with that.

Blossomdeary Mon 07-Nov-16 14:09:05

I am concerned about your use of the word "offence" - that smacks of a very unhealthy relationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 07-Nov-16 14:13:14


re your comment:-
"I can't leave really. I am a sahp with no income, and we are in the middle of a house move"

Call time on the house move.

You are not as powerless as you think you are; you should seek legal advice re your position. Knowledge after all is power.

This came out of the blue as well; am not surprised at that either. Abusive men like your H can be nice sometimes but their nice/nasty cycle is always present as well as continuous. He's already reverted to being nasty again by sulking.

This is no life for you and your son cannot and must not grow up thinking that his dad's behaviour towards you is normal. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 14:14:32

I don't call him a cunt- I don't get angry at short notice for rubbish reasons like this. I used the word offence in a bit of a tongue in cheek way. I am in disbelief that this man thinks this is a way to talk to me. He's awesome in lots of other ways and to other people it seems as though I have the perfect husband.

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 14:16:52

Thanks atilla. I know you're right really. I don't know where to go if we don't end up moving. I don't know what to do in the short term. I have just had to take the little one upstairs to his room for a nappy change and I could see that h is just lay on our bed looking at his phone. I don't know whether to leave the house or if that would make it worse.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 07-Nov-16 14:17:09

People like this man often appear to be very plausible to those in the outside world but even then the mask can slip. You are truly seeing what he is really like behind closed doors.

How is he awesome in lots of ways?. His vile name calling of you is more than enough to counteract all of those awesome ways you do not also describe. You think he is a good father to his child, I tell you now he is not.

SootSprite Mon 07-Nov-16 14:18:46

No way would I put up with this. Sorry OP but unless there are HUGE mitigating circumstances behind his behaviour I would be having a frank conversation. Something along the lines of 'you ever speak to me like that again and it'll be the end of us'. Life is too short.

snapyap Mon 07-Nov-16 14:23:33

That's what I said last time - speak to me like that again and it's over. But clearly he doesn't believe that. Not sure I do either.

He does housework even though he works ft, he is good with our son mostly, he wouldn't cheat on me.

Simonneilsbeard Mon 07-Nov-16 14:27:38

You're giving him credit for basic stuff he should do anyway.
That doesn't make him awesome trust me!

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