Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can this really happen or is it just in films?

(23 Posts)
Livinginhope11 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:32:36

Hi everyone, Im new to this so hello!

Im in my early 50's, been divorced 3 years now after long marriage to a scary narcissist.
Life is good now, I have friends, my own business, go out and try new things/places, but more and more just lately I've begun to feel a bit lonely but all the men I have met so far (not many) just seem to want to be looked after, cooked for with very little effort on their part. So off they go with a goodbye from me! Sod that!!

Is it possible at my age to meet someone who will do things for me because they want to, just a simple bunch of flowers or cup of tea in bed, or do these things only happen in romantic films??
Is it too late to hope for some passion and romance?

Does online dating really work? Is it a good place to start?
Thanks for reading, looks a bit sad but Im not, just wondering in a world that has changed so much since I last did any dating (30 years ago!)

jeaux90 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:38:15

My ex was a narc too. Congrats for finding your freedom grin. I'm 45 single parent and yes OLD is quite fun. Met some good guys, some turned into good friends. I know plenty of people who have met lovely OH's online. I am dating someone at the moment actually who is fab!! Taking it slow (I am crazily independant) you go for it !! Xxx

HolyshitIfuckedupbigtime Sun 06-Nov-16 22:40:37

A cup of tea in bed? Yes it can happen, but only for the first few months grin.

Livinginhope11 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:44:50

Thats given me bit of hope, thank you.
I find it all a bit scary but suppose I just have to pull my big girl pants up and deal with it!
Which sites have you found best?

Livinginhope11 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:45:34

A few months would be fab! Its never happened so far!!

FlapsTie Sun 06-Nov-16 22:48:54

DH and I have been together nearly 10 years and he brings me coffee in bed every single morning.

He leaves for work at stupid o clock in the morning and if it's frosty he de ices my car before he leaves.

He constantly does little things that he knows I'll like. He's a sweetheart.

So they are out there! Good luck.

Lilacpink40 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:53:38

Hi I've tried OkCupid, POF, and Elite singles. POF has proved best one for me, but I've probably read 100-150 profiles per potential date as I'm looking for:
1) location (I use free version so may be why I get such random, far away suggestions)
2) Regular person with good / steady job
3) Physically could be ok (but chemistry on date better than photogenic look).

I think it's good to live in hope and at least enjoy the fun of dating if nothing else!

madmother1 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:56:38

I am 52. I have been on my own for 5 years after being married for 23. I was quite content in my life and dabbled with OLD. I am very fussy. I have literally met 3 men in 5 years. Something amazing has happened. I've met a wonderful man about 6 weeks ago. We are both ridiculously happy. We sit and hold hands in restaurants and stare deep into each others eyes and giggle like teenagers. I know it's early days but we both feel very lucky to have stumbled upon each other. He cooks, is quite independent with friends and that's what I like about him. I feel alive sexually too!! I have been dormant for years. People say I am looking very happy. Please don't give up 😊

madmother1 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:59:26

He buys me flowers and I had a cup of tea on bed too 😊

Livinginhope11 Sun 06-Nov-16 23:05:21

madmother1 where did you meet such a man??

therootoftheroot Sun 06-Nov-16 23:10:01

A cup of tea in bed? Yes it can happen, but only for the first few months grin

I've been ,living with my husband for 21 years and he makes me a cup of tea every single morning. he makes my packed lunch for work too.
Buys me flowers/little daft gifts/ snogs me in the kitchen. He is amazing and i am so bloody lucky.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 06-Nov-16 23:19:33

In my experience so far you can find people who do make you feel special - I haven't managed to get to the point where I have felt special for my whole life yet but it's possible. Flowers and gifts and nice gestures can happen yes. I can't comment on its sustainability yet!

Livinginhope11 Sun 06-Nov-16 23:24:05

Thanks everyone! I feel a bit more hopeful now.
This site could do with a 'like' button then I could like all your replies!

Myusernameismyusername Sun 06-Nov-16 23:33:00

I think it's about meeting someone with a similar outlook so you are right to jog on the ones who want a new mum!
I'm happy to be spoilt a little but I am quite independent and always pay half or offer to pay, meet half way and also try to do nice things thoughtful things for someone, so it's nice when it is reciprocated

BikeRunSki Mon 07-Nov-16 03:01:09

My mother was widowed at 50. She met her partner 8 years later, through a mutual friend. He makes her tea in bed every morning! - this is just indicative of the happy relationship they have. Neither of them cane without baggage, but they are pottering through retirement quite happily.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 07-Nov-16 04:05:35

Of course it can happen. I'm currently lying next to the kindest, funniest loveliest man I ever met who treats me so well and does much much more for me than a cup of tea in bed (although I get that too!) I'm 49. Before I met him (online) I dated a few men who were also lovely and independent and capable. They are out there!

I'm not so keen on him at the moment though as he's snoring (nasty cold!)

Ebbenmeowgi Mon 07-Nov-16 06:28:52

I think it can happen! My friend's in her 50s and has met a lovely partner, they're very sweet together. I'm about 20 years younger and my dp would definitely not describe himself as romantic! But he still brings me a brew in the morning, hugs me when I'm cooking (probs cos he loves food!), made me a photo collage for my b'day of the two of us complete with pressed flowers (this from a man who looks like a burly Viking and complains loudly whenever something romantic happens on tv!). We've been together years.

Ebbenmeowgi Mon 07-Nov-16 06:30:18

Oh and from what my other mates have said I'd recommend using a paid for dating site rather than a free one like okcupid. You get all the weirdos on the free ones!

jeaux90 Mon 07-Nov-16 07:52:23

Hey OP. Sites hmmmmm well, POF was the best for sheer volume of choice, I also tried Match, elite singles, e harmony and tinder. E harmony hardly had much choice, tinder is a meat market, elite singles was ok but not good if you really want to meet someone in your area as again limited choice. Match was probably second best. Good luck!!

Livinginhope11 Mon 07-Nov-16 15:16:46

ok thanks for all advice. Better get some photos done! I suppose the best way to go about OLD is trust your gut instinct?

madmother1 Thu 10-Nov-16 00:52:24

Livinginhope11 in answer to your question. I met my chap on plenty of fish. Just seen him tonight and we are both do happy. Good luck, there is a nice chap out there for you smile

ocelot7 Thu 10-Nov-16 09:30:23

I hated OLD - mainly the time & effort for little reward ie the way reading 100 profiles would turn into 10 email conversations then 1_date & then we wouldnt click & it would be back to the drawing board sad
I've had 2 relationships from POF (paid ones worked less well for me). They contacted me first & in periods when I had sworn off OLD. Second one ongoing & he always brings me tea in bed & does lots of cooking & other thoughtful stuff. But it has to be reciprocal so I'm always thinking of things to do for him too smile

Blobby10 Thu 10-Nov-16 11:19:19

Living in hope I've just taken the plunge into OLD (I'm nearly 48 so about the same age as you) and joined match.com last Thursday. I've had 3 emails, 2 of whom had clearly only looked at the photo and not read my profile (it wasn't up at the time!) and one who has read my profile and still wants "2 get 2 no u". He doesn't fit my profile at all - I have one dealbreaker - they must be over 6ft tall. All the ones who like me are 5ft 9 (my height) or under so no chance!. I have liked 5 so far who all have great profiles and look really nice but none have replied to me sad .

Theres a fab thread about OLD and it gives 1. some great tips and advice 2. lots of laughs at OLD fails and 3. rays of hope from the number of ladies who have met nice, decent men who make them happy!!

Good luck smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now