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Feel so worthless

(10 Posts)
DarkMoon Sun 06-Nov-16 20:55:55

I've been with my dp for 16 years, we have 3 dc together.
In the last 2 years he has only wanted to have sex with me 3 times despite me wanting more, I don't actually remember the last time he kissed or cuddled me or told me he loved me, he has become so distant recently and he's not telling me important things like the fact he has recently got a new job but he's not told me he has!
I have fallen out of love for him and I don't want to be with him anymore, I guess I've put off telling him because my life is comfortable right now and I don't know how I would cope with being on my own especially as I know he will run away to live with his parents who are a 3 hour drive away.

I have no family and only a couple of close friends who would be good and help me but I worry about the kids, I asked him to leave this time last year and he went to his parents and didn't once call or message the kids, I think I only took him back because of the kids last time.

I just feel so low and I need to feel loved sad

category12 Sun 06-Nov-16 21:00:05

If he's a shit father, he's a shit father, that's his choice.

Life is too short to be unhappy.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 06-Nov-16 22:23:41

I only took him back because of the kids

What positives does he bring to the lives of your dc and what do you think they are learning from their parents' dysfunctional relationship?

If he goes to live with his dps who are a "3 hr drive away", he's going to have a long commute to that new job he hasn't told you about.

DarkMoon Sun 06-Nov-16 22:37:13

Goddess, his profession makes it easy to get a job anywhere in the country so he would just get one by his parents.
I just remember my kids faces when he left last time and didn't contact them, and how happy they were when he came back.
I do want him to leave but it seems like such a hard step to tell him to go

TheoriginalLEM Sun 06-Nov-16 22:38:49

This time ltb for your kids

goddessofsmallthings Sun 06-Nov-16 22:45:51

You haven't answered my question, Moon.

What positives does he bring to the lives of your dc? Is he a hands-on df who is thoroughly engaged with school runs, afterschool clubs, encouraging and supporting them in their hobbies/activities?

If he does none of these things they may well have been pleased to see him when he returned, but that was most probably due to having no contact whatsoever with him while he was away.

How old are the dc? I suggest you ask/tell him to leave again and set up regular skype/phone sessions so that they can have contact with him albeit from a distance.

DarkMoon Sun 06-Nov-16 22:50:00

Goddess, he does pick up and drop off for after school clubs 4-5 times a week and if the dc go away on camp with the clubs he takes them, I think the problem I have is his job means he's out the house from 4am until 6-7pm each weekday I'm the parent who has to discipline the dc and he gets to do all the fun stuff, which would be the same if he left.
Dc are 13, 11 and 18 months.

Meemolly Mon 07-Nov-16 10:38:21

Darkmoon you sound hugely confused. You started this thread saying what a dick he is, basically, then you seem to have moved to a place of disagreeing when people agree he is a dick and telling us he is good because he picks the kids up and he gets to do the fun stuff. You are an adult love, and you deserve an adult relationships, not this game playing rubbish. If he isn't showing you love, that's not a marriage, so walk away and rebuild your sense of worth. He won't give that to you, no one else can. Some people work extremely long hours but still emotionally stay with their partners, it sounds like yours packed up and left years ago. I'm sorry, it is going to be painful, but what exactly is in this for you if you stay together?

Meemolly Mon 07-Nov-16 10:39:48

'I just feel so low and I need to feel loved'. Yep. But you're not going to get it from that man, that's why you have posted here.

SmellySphinx Mon 07-Nov-16 11:02:08

She hasn't contradicted herself and isn't hugely confused. She was replying to Goddess when she asked what involvement he has with the children.

If you're not happy in the relationship and he won't discuss it then I don't see an alternative other than to split. He's disengaged and disinterested. If he isn't physically there because of long working hours then you of course will have to do all the hard parenting jobs and he gets to do the fun stuff. They'll miss him because he isn't always there. If you do split and he "runs away" to his parents again, then let him.
He sounds involved enough to do drop offs and clubs with his children but then doesn't bother to contact when you've split before? < This I don't get.

"I just remember my kids faces when he left last time and didn't contact them, and how happy they were when he came back."
^What an arse

I'm the parent who has to discipline the dc and he gets to do all the fun stuff, which would be the same if he left. Exactly

What was his excuse for not contacting the kids the first time around?

He's treating you like a babysitter for the kids at the moment and nothing more by the sounds of it. You deserve an adult relationship as Meemolly said. He can still be a parent if he chooses to be and as I've highlighted what you said, his role I assume would be largely unchanged. Only if he steps up and doesn't run away like a sloppy turd in the rain

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